Please, is there anyone who can help me?

[nomorepanic]

Kate

Sorry you are feeling down about this.

Try and weigh up the odds of anything bad happening. Unless you haven't mentioned it, I don't think there have been any bad incidents for months and months have there?

The kids are fine - they are tougher than you think and they are sensible so will be ok at school.

We all had fights at school - it was normal playground behaviour.

If they see you worrying over them then it will rub off on them and may make them worry too.

Try to see that there is nowhere perfect in the country to live. There will be trouble in every town, village, city etc.

You can do this so just keep telling yourself that you can and they are fine. If you don't then what will happen when they leave home? It will take over your life with worry.

Hope things work out ok mate

xxx

Nicola

[kate]

Thanks Mico and Nic for replying.

Unfortunately, I don't know what else to say. I know that both of you have given me sound advice but I find it impossible to think positively about this.

I've managed to change in a lot of ways, but this one is proving to be a none starter.

Thanks for your support, both of you always take the time to reply to my posts.

Kate x

[andrew]

hi kate
hope your well.
you done really well to get yourself back into your old workplace building, its not easy facing a situation that you know will cause you anxiety.
obviously from your reaction, those memories/ thoughts/ feelings hold alot of anxiety for you and seem to have overwhelmed you again. maybe at some point it would be sensible to talk about these real experiences you had previously and try to lighten your anxiety that way.
tc andrew

[mico]

Hi Kate

Don't worry about it too much. It's very easy for me to give advice on here, but I know just how hard it is to put into practice. If I were in the same situation, then I'd be in a bit of a pickle too. The visit to the college has obviously knocked you back a little, but you'll probably find that you get over that over a little time. I get exactly the same from time to time, certain situations arise and they bring all the old thoughts back, which can be very overwhelming. Give it a little time and you'll probably start feeling a little more relaxed.

For the positive thinking and such, just don't expect to suddenly turn into a glowing ball of positivity, it doesn't happen like that. I do these things, and I try to be positive, and most of the time just can't see where the positive side is. I do think though, that it may be beneficial if you at least try it, even if you don't think it's going to work, like I say, it's a very slow process and you may not even notice any change until one day when you look back and you can see how far you've come.

I've had a few set-backs like this lately, and I can tell you that they've annoyed me no end, but I've come out of them and I hope that you can do the same. Just don't put too much pressure on yourself, you're doing fine.

mico


And can someone remind me to spell check before I post these, It seems I have to edit every single post I make lately .

[kate]

I can't really believe that I am now back in a situation that I was in nearly 4 years ago.

As mentioned in the first page of this post, I had to leave my job in a college canteen due to the violent atmosphere that I was working in. I managed to get a job in a secondary school about 3 miles from where I live. Nice area, surrounded by fields, nice kids. It was such a relief for me after the environment that I had worked in at the college. But, all this has changed since Friday last week.

At morning break, I serve in the teachers staff room. On Friday when I returned to the kitchen after break, there had been total bedlam in the dining room. A "discussion" between 2 pupils had got out of hand, the other kids had all been standing on the tables watching, and the teachers on duty had been powerless to stop the mayhem. This immediately brought back horrible memories of the college and I felt unnerved all day.

Tuesday evening my friend phoned me to ask me what had happened that evening after school. I wasn't aware of anything having gone on as I leave work at 2.15pm and the kids don't leave til 3.20pm. When I went into school on Wednesday I found out that there had been a mass fight that started at the school and had carried on in the roads around there. The police were called and it was total mayhem again.

Tonight my workmate has phoned me to say that the kids were kept in until 3.45pm tonight as there was a 50 strong gang waiting outside the school, the police were called yet again and arrests were made.

Right, now to the problem. I am now feeling exactly how I did when the trouble all started at the college. I'm having trouble sleeping again and I'm apprehensive and on edge whilst at work. It's like history repeating itself and I just can't believe it's happening again.

I cannot and will not let myself get as bad as I was nearly 4 years ago. I have been seeing a counsellor for the last 5 weeks and he is helping me to realise that I can chip away bit by bit at my anxieties regarding the violence but then something like this happens that puts me right back again.

I have several options here. My son has told me to just leave as it isn't worth me going backwards when I'm starting to very, very slowly learn to change my thinking. I could also go on the sick and try to find another job. Or I could just stay put.

I just really don't want to go back there tomorrow, I'm scared of what might happen next, I've got butterflies just thinking about tomorrow and I'm very tearful.

But, if I don't go back, will I be avoiding again and will I never learn to face my fears? Is it worth it though if I'm making some small slow progress in other areas to then be dragged back down by something that I don't really have to do?

Has anyone got any opinions on this?

Sorry this post is so long, but I wanted to give all the facts.

Kate

"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"

[trac67]

Hi Mate,

You have to do what you feel is right, you are the best person who knows how you really feel.

If you feel that it may make you go backwards again then staying at your job really isn't worth it, not after all the hard work you have put in to come as far as you have.

Maybe it would be good idea to have a few weeks 'time out' and see how you feel after that.

Take care mate

Lots of Love

Tracey xxxxxx

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

[kate]

Hi Trac,

Thanks for the reply.

I've decided to have a sicky tomorrow and see how I feel on Monday, so will look out for you on msn!

Love Kate xx

"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"

[Piglet]

Other than what happened yesterday are you in general happy in that job???

I think if the answer is yes then I would give it another chance - if the answer is no then I would use this as an opportunity to have a change altogether. Would you prefer to change school environments by going to the infants/juniors age and/or possibly working with special needs.

Love Piglet x

[trac67]

Hi Kate,

Good for you mate I will be about most of the day, so we can put the worlds to right as usual LOL.

Big Hug

Love

Trac xxz

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

[mico]

Wow, haven't seen this thread for a while, all the way back from my n00b days. In fact, that was my first post in here, almost brings a tear to my eye

Sad to see it come back, but I do know what this situation is like, it's difficult to overcome a fear of violence when that's all you see everywhere you go.

I don't know what's best for you in terms of your job, but have you ever thought of working somewhere that isn't a school/college? I guess that's a stupid question, I'm sure you have, but as the old saying goes, 'boys will be boys' (especially when they're at school), and constantly seeing the boyish antics obviously isn't a great help to you. You've done well with this in the past though, and you've always coped, even if you think you haven't, so I know you could stick it out, but it might be worth considering other job options if you think this place is detrimental to your anxiety.

I know that you've been through a lot of this and I know that you know that this is just your thoughts and anxiety going crazy. Just remember that. The one biggest thing that helped me with this, was realising that by thinking about these situations I wasn't actually getting anywhere, because there's no way to control them. In a nutshell, the more you think about them the more anxious you get. You believe this is helpful because you'll get to a solution, but you never will find a solution and the very act of thinking about these situations is completely detrimental to yourself. There are absolutely no positives to it.

That was by far my biggest realisation, and that's where I started to change my thinking. Instead of looking out the window for burglars on a night, I would stop myself on the way to the window and think' 'sod it', remind myself that the whole process of looking out of the window was nothing but negative and consciously decide to think about something else.

Didn't happen overnight, and by all means I'm still woking on it 2 years later, but I feel a lot better. I know I've told you stuff like this before, and I know it's difficult, but it's the direct answer to your problems with this. As I say, it'll not happen overnight, so it's not an immediate answer, but over time it works.

Anyways, I'm sure you'll plod through this just like you plodded through all the other bad stuff that you've had to plod through, and eventually, the plodding may just get a little easier again.

Good luck



mico



'Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding Danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.'