Another crisis

[Karen]

Sorry but I really am not coping today. I feel so low I just feel like giving up. The culmination of several things has just pushed me too far down and I don't know how to keep going.

The final straw was this afternoon when I had a message from K. She told me she is tied up with family matters for the next three days, so I won't hear from her until Monday.

I was already struggling and now this is just one thing too much to cope with. I cannot get through the next three days without her. I feel my life is over.


Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[leo05]

hi there sorry that you are feelin like this today
but if you want to chat feel free to pm me i mean it

leanne

[BrandyK]

Maybe you can hang with family for a couple days!

and maybe spend sometime in the chat room!

That always helps me!

Brandyxxxx

[Karen]

Thanks Leanne and Brandy

Spending time with my family will not help Brandy. It would just make things worse.

Nothing will help. Just feel like giving up now. My life is worthless anyway and everyone would be better off without me.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[kate]

Hi Karen,

Your life is not worthless by any means and who on earth would be better off without you?

You have a gorgeous little niece who will grow up to know what a kind and caring auntie she has. Your life will definately not be worthless in her eyes.

At the moment you are at rock bottom with no light at the end of your tunnel. The depression and most probably the anorexia, are making you feel that there is nothing to live for. But, with the right help, both of these conditions can be overcome. You will then feel able to strive for bigger and better things, to realise that you are as good as the next person and that you no longer have to apologise for simply being you.

When you are feeling as down as you are, every little problem seems like another massive hurdle to get over. Everything is too much effort, every little challenge seems like a mountain to climb.

You have got through K not being around in the past but I'm guessing that on top of everything else that is going on at the moment it is the final straw.

But, Karen, you can get through the next few days, although it will undoubtably be a struggle bearing in mind how you are feeling already. I know that you don't feel like doing anything at all but the way to make the time go faster is to aim to do several very small things everyday.

The weather is supposed to be good for the next few days. Although I know that you said that you aren't too keen on gardening, could you not make it your new hobby?Once you start getting interested in it, you might surprise yourself and even start enjoying yourself.

I love being in the garden and at this time of year have got my hanging baskets up and my bedding plants in. I love so much just wandering around the garden, doing nothing really except admiring all the plants!

Sorry, I've gone on a bit and off topic really but I am just trying to find something that would absorb you and give you something enjoyable and constructive to fill your time over the next few days.

Please don't think of giving up, Karen. No one would be better off without you, your life is precious and you are as important as the next person.

Thinking of you

Lots of Love

Kate xxx

[Karen]

Thanks for your reply Kate.

You are right that hearing that K won't be in touch is the final straw when everything already feels completely hopeless to me. I also realise it is only three days which probably doesn't sound like much to some people, however it might as well be 3 months or 3 years with the way I am feeling at the moment.

I just don't think I've got any fight left in me. I think I've brought all these problems on myself and it is my own fault I am feeling so dreadful now. I also believe I am causing those around me to be worried about me and I hate myself for that, which is why I do believe everyone would be better off without me.

Some people talk about the anorexia trying to kill me and I now wonder why I even bother to try to prevent it happening. I feel like just giving in to it and letting it win. The only thing that has stopped me from making attempts to end my own life is the guilt I feel at the hurt I would cause people, but I know there will come a point I'll go past and maybe this won't be enough to stop me.

I do understand what you are saying about getting into gardening to keep myself occupied, and it is great that your garden gives you so much pleasure. I only have a really small garden, with just a few pots that do need new bedding plants. But I don't see the point in doing anything about it. The way things are going I could well lose this house soon anyway, or be forced to sell up. Just another worry on top of everything else, but the thing is that I don't really even care anymore.

I do appreciated everything you have said Kate and thank you for saying it. I just can't see my way through this.


Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[nomorepanic]

Karen

I am not going to say "Hang on in there" cos I always say that I don't think it is very constructive anymore.

K will always have things to do that involve going away and obviously she has holidays etc as well.

It must be really hard on here as well cos she knows how you will be when she tells you that she has to go away and I am sure she knows that it will make you even worse. However, she cannot give up her life either.

Please try to spare a thought for her and how it must be hard for her too. She knows that each time she goes away you will be thinking about ending your life and that must be hard for her to accept as well.

I really want to help you on this but I am not sure how to and I wish you lived closer cos I would drag you round here some nights for some company.

What is happening with the house that makes you think you may lose it?

Is there anything atall in life, apart from K, that you can see as a reason to carry on? Try to focus on something that means a lot to you and think about it. Can you take that and use it as a way to go forward atall?

Please pop in chat later if you can.

x

Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"

[sal]

Hi Karen

Sorry you are feeling so down and at a loss with yourself due to K having family matter to deal with.

Take a step back and dont take this as rejection as i know how it is, if Sam wouldnt settle or was ill i wouldnt be on the site regardless and may sound cruel of who depended on me as family comes first. In your case i know it doesnt and due to my childhood my mum doesnt but Sam does and you cant judge anyone for taking time out.

I know personally you dont mean to but you are, you are relying on K to the limit and even when you know that she at times wont be around to support you as she has other things in her life.

Important things and maybe it is time for you to address that and you get things in your life that count to you. You have a great friend who loves you to bits and focus on that. If you are nothing without K why does Jac keep in touch and why do we keep posting you.

If this sounds harsh i am sorry but i want you to look at what you have before you dismiss it because K wont be in touch.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[Meg]

Hey Karen

*I just don't think I've got any fight left in me*

WALOT

See you tomorrow hon ..

Meg

[Karen]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Have seen Jac tonight and had a good talk. I am now feeling a little better and looking forward to Alton Towers tomorrow.

Sorry if I worried anyone.

Thanks Meg - got myself into a real state about everything again. Looking forward to tomorrow now.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.