lost my job because of anxiety, can't stop crying

[Liz_123]

Hi everyone,

This is my first post - i've been reading others for a while and found it so comforting to know other people are going through what i'm going through.

I started a new job at the end of september and within weeks all my anxiety had come back - hadn't had any setbacks for over a year, had managed to come off citalopram but this new job was awful. I couldn't do anything, couldn't concentrate, couldn't make the smallest decision, was having anxiety attacks...i got signed of sick for a week but the doctor wanted to sign me off longer but i knew work wouldn't understand - first day back after the week off they fired me. I was only on probation so nothing i can do. It was a horrible place anyway so i'm better off out of there but now i feel like such a failure. I've been looking for jobs and can't find anything. I feel like it's all my fault somehow and that i'm such a weak person, why couldnt i do the job when everyone around me could? I'm only 24 and feel like i've ruined my career.

I'm back on the citalopram which has really helped with the anxiety but i feel so upset at times and cant stop crying (like now!)

Just wish i could be 'normal' and get on with things like everyone else does. I feel like i'm putting so much pressure on my mum too. She's a massive support but her mum died this year and now i'm putting all my problems on her :-(

Any words of advice or clarity would be much appreciated!

Liz xxxx

[sandramick]

hi
your not a failure life is tough when u suffer with anx . we would all like to feel normal and we can we just have to accept our normal is a little differant than others but it can be ok . u will find a job that u can cope with just dont be to hard on your self .
good luck
sandra
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[lilly-lou]

Hi and welcome to NMP.

I am sorry that you are having such a bad time at the moment but it sounds like you have done the right thing and asked for help off the G.P. and gone back on meds.

You will find the right job for you and please try not to feel like a failure you can't help being ill.

Have you had any type of councelling? If not maybe it might be worth while going back to the G.P. and asking if he can referr you for some

[samc100]

Hi

It was the wrong job.... if the anxiety hadn't have taken over you'd have left anyway. You will look back in a few months and be grateful they made the decision for you to leave. You didn't fail - they did, they should have been more rigorous in the interviewing and spotted you and that job were not suited.

It's not about being clever/smart etc... Last year I got put into a role at work that made me into a complete muppet, I messed it all up and my colleagues thought I was the most hopeless case in the world. THe confident knowledgable me had disappeared.

Before they could put me in 'special measures' I informed my boss and HR we needed to sort it pretty damn quick. They worked with me to find a role suitable to my 'incredible talents!! HA HA - and hey presto I was back on track, focused and happy.

So it's not you and don't give yourself a hard time about it. Concentrate at what you are good at and then the rest will follow. It knocks your confidence flying but you will get it back xxxx

[rocklover]

Hi, I know how crap it feels!! I started a new job in Sept, and although I'd been temping there previously, after my first full day in the job I had a "breakdown" and was signed off. I then handed in my notice, because I did not know when I would be well enough to go back.

I hated myself to start with, but then I realised that it wasn't my fault, I didn't ask to have anxiety and I have done my best to deal with it since. I am only just looking for jobs now even though I am not 100% better yet.

Give yourself a break and forgive yourself. They sounded like a pretty lousy company anyway, concentrate on getting better, then look for something more suitable, it will all work out in the end.

[Dahlia]

Hey Liz

Sorry you're feeling so horrid. You've done what a lot of anxiety sufferers usually do - blamed yourself. Not everything is our fault. An alternative explanation for them letting you go might be that the credit crunch has hit, they had over-hired, and had to let someone go. You have not ruined your career - I've seen a lot worse things happen to people and they've still got a career - this isn't the end for you. (I'll give you an example, a male friend of mine who was very high up in his career, was meant to go to an important meeting - he never showed up, and his colleagues found him sitting under a desk crying. They let him go - and he has had 3 different jobs since then. It hasn't affected his career).

If the place was really awful you are better off out of it, because it would just add pressure onto your anxiety and make you feel even more anxious. Sometimes we feel anxious for a reason, not cos we aren't 'normal'. Working in a horrible place will make most people anxious.

I've gone through a similar feeling in the past few weeks (why can't I just do normal things like have a job etc). I cried for about 5 days straight! I am on Effexor, and I think it is beginning to work, and I am finding it easier to do things. You are back on the Citalopram, so give it a bit of time to kick in again, and you should start to feel better. Once you are feeling back on track, you can have a look at other jobs. And you will start to feel back on track. Just be patient, and try not to think too much in the meantime. I know this is hard, but the downward spiral thinking is actually all part of the anxiety disorder, so try to distract yourself until the Citalopram kicks in.

Best of luck

Dahlia xxx

[Liz_123]

Hi everyone,

thanks so much for your responses i feel so much better hearing from you all. I know i shouldn't blame myself and i'm hard on myself - everyone says it but its just the way i seem to automatically think, i don't even know where it comes from! I live in a flatshare with 3 other girls and i just hide it all from them, they know my problems but i don't 'show' it to them, they would think i'm crazy i think!

Anyway I just got back from the doctors and she's referring me for CBT, been meaning to get it for years but the waiting lists are so long so i've decided to use some savings to pay for it privately. Hopefully that will help...in the meantime on with the job search.

Thanks again everyone i really appreciate hearing from you all.

xxxxxxx