2nd out of control panic attack

[Laura6544]

3 months ago I was at work, I'm in sales, I was having a great day even though my job is stressful and has got worse over the past six months due to management changes. Everything was fine when I started to feel dizzy, I felt like I was drunk, this progressed to feeling faint then heart thumping, by this time I'm worrying somethings wrong with me, I end up in tears and my partner has to come and fetch me from work, I take 2 days off spending most of this time asleep as I'm exhausted and I put it down to a virus. Cut to a month later and my partner has a motorbike accident, obviously alot of stressful things happen that I won't go into here, work were very unsympathetic and the doctor signs me off work with stress for 8 weeks. I returned to work a week ago, everythings fine but then bang, out of the blue I get the dizzy fainting thing again, this time I have a strong urge to flee work, I have to get away, I tell my boss whilst sobbing, he doesn't know what to make of me and I go home. Saw the doctor and she tells me to get a paper bag and breath into it and go back to her if it happens again.
My partner suffers from Bi Polar disorder but happily for the past 18 months has been ok, previous 10 years have been a nightmare of highs (disapppearing, drunk, getting into fights, manic, unpredictable behaviour) followed by lows (tears, suicidal thoughts, paranoia) and back again. Looking back I've found that I've spent most of the last few years desperately worried about him, I'd come home from work and he'd be gone and wouldn't turn up till early hours if at all, sometimes ending up in hospital. I think now that I have had anxiety for ages and now these panic attacks have started I've also discovered that my mum suffers from them, I hate it and I'm so angry. I'm most angry about the fact thats its affecting one of the things I love the most, horse riding. I broke my back 3 years ago after a bad fall but had decided to take it up again recently on doctors advice to combat my stress, problem is now I find panic starts and this is debilitating, not least because horses feel fear and I'm almost creating the thing I'm fearing ie spooking the horse by my fear. What an awful vicious cycle! Sorry this has been a massive rant and thankyou to anyone who has read it all, the therapy was in the writing I think!

[Bexstar]

Your on the progress to getting better!
Ranting is a good sign and talking to others is too.
It means you want help and advice and thats excellent.
I understand everything you put there and im scared to death of going to bed tonight because thats when my panicking gets out of control!
I cant even sleep. Im soo desperate to get help. The weird thing is though I can randomly have times through out the day when it just kinda 'drifts away' and the thoughts dont hurt my heart. I have that feeling now. Im scared when its going to come again. But I know I will try harder to conquer it if it comes again and know im not alone!

I do suggest getting some professional help now, eat well, drink water, breathe deeply when you feel the thoughts drifting in and stressing you out. Then just make the most of the little bit of calm from it you feel.
Also when you feel these things you get just remember that other do care and understand like all of us here. I honestly feel for you! I was soo desperately sad in my life but the last thing I expected to get was my mental illness. I feel like im going insane!
I find talking to others does help. When im talking to my mum about it, it takes my mind off the thoughts I have for a second and it does help when she listens to me and understands!
So I recommend talking to others and someone from a health unit to help calm these thoughts down. Im trying to go to a person myself. I have a OT (occupational therapist) ive had for a while coming on monday and im panicking because its two days away and I feel like I will never make it to Monday :(
Plus shes not really about helping me with this. I want to talk to someone professional, but I only see my councellor sort of person once a month. Im terrified :(

[Gipsy]

A PAPER BAG??!! ive lost count of the amount of times that gp's and therapists have told me that one.. it doesnt help, when you feel that way, the dizzyness, pins and needles, the fear of panic the last thing you do is think ooh wheres my paper bag?! sounds to me like yor a real trooper and have come a really long way so well done for getting back on that horse! theres a book called self help for your nerves by dr clare weeks, (its not your typical self help book) it actually understands this awfull condition, i have it and its my bible, my mums bi polar and it helped her too. google it im sure its on amazon for next to nothing. seriously though all the bad you've been through keep reminding yourself how strong you are for comming out the end of it.. the panic wont last forever x