Getting worked up !!

[xBettyBoopx]

Hi anyone reading this

My dear friend & neighbour David passed away a couple of weeks ago & it is his funeral tomorrow at 12pm. The church is near where I live, not far from the shops where I have to go but I'm getting so worked up about going

All I can think of is 'what if I have a pa on the way there, what if I have a pa in the church, blah blah blah'.

I couldn't get online a little while ago & that made the anxiety worse, cause I need to do something to take my mind off of it. Thank goodness I'm back on now. I even phoned around a few ppl who are on same ISP as me to find out if they are having problems

Oh well, if I don't make the funeral service, I'm sure David won't mind But I will worry about what his brother thinks.

Just getting this off me chest. Thanks for listening.

Love
Els
xxx

[Magik]

Sorry to hear about your friend;s passing away. I know that in itself must be difficult for you. If you're unsure if you can make the funeral, maybe send flowers just in case? With something explaining why you might not be there, but that he was indeed always someone important to you? I'm sure if David was a good friend of yours, his brother would know you might have a problem with going out. But, sometimes we do have to try to be there for people, even when we have that lurking fear.

My suggestion would be to simply get ready and feel how you feel before you walk out the door. But if you can't make it, at least in spirit you'd be there for his family. I know I'm not comfortable with having this problem lately...but I do tell people because I don't want them to see me as being "Avoiding" them or that I've grown anti social in a way, just that I'm having problems on my own.

It's never bad to ask for help if you need it. Maybe someone else would be willing to be there with you to support you. Anyways, Good luck with everything and I hope you do get to go. <3

[andie73]

Hi Elspeth

I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your friend. You should try not to get anxious about his funeral as he would not want you to feel like this. I know you want to go to the funeral but if you can't make it then your friend would understand.

If you do go why not set off a bit earlier and take your time getting there so you are not rushing and in a fluster when you arrive. I always sit at the back if I can, then I can leave without the immediate family noticing. To be honest though when you are immediate family you don't notice a lot when you are at a loved ones funeral. You just kind of function and get through it, so I wouldn't worry too much about what his brother will think. You could see him in a few days time and just say it was too much for you, or something similar. I am sure he will understand. I know lots of people who simply do not go to funerals because they find it too upsetting.

If you don't manage to get there you can use the time when the funeral is on to remember your friend in your own way. Light a candle or simply sit quietly with your thoughts....whatever is appropriate I guess. Just because you aren't there doesn't mean you don't care.

I'm sure you will know what is best for you tomorrow. Don't beat yourself up if you don't make it, you were a friend to David and he will not forget that, going to his funeral is just paying your last respects, you can do that collectively in public or on your own, there are no rules with this, it comes down to personal choice and circumstances.

Take care Elspeth, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. Let me know how you get on.

[xBettyBoopx]

Thank you Magik & Andrea for replying. At least a couple of ya replied, lol

I managed to get to the service & I was ok, apart from being upset of course.

I slept very little last night worrying, but when I went to sleep, I slept like a log, then got up quite late so that I didn't think about where I was going etc. I usually find that if I sit around beforehand, I'm less likely to go.

I went by myself which is better for me, I know that most ppl like to have someone 'safe' with them, but I don't have a 'safe' person & tbh it makes me more anxious incase I have to leave or whatever.

Thanks again for your replies & help.

Love

Els
xxx

[Magik]

So glad to hear things went fine for you. <3 And you're welcome. Anytime I can offer some kind of support, I'm going to try to do so, because I know way too well how scary this all can be.

It's an excellent idea to sleep later so you didn't have all that time to worry. That's what usually gets me to, I'll try it when I have something that might stress me out. Take care <3

[jodie]

hi elspeth

sorry i have just seen this thread and sorry you have lost your frend

i am glad you went and i am please you were ok .

jodie xxx

[samc100]

Hi and just read this post , glad to hear you made it to the funeral and you coped really well x

[andie73]

Hiya Elspeth

Just wanted to say weldone for yesterday, I KNEW you'd do it. David would have been so proud of you.

I know what you mean about it being better for you if you go alone. I am like that too, I worry about embarrassing myself in front of the person I have taken for support, that in itself becomes a panic trigger. I can't win sometimes!!!