Poo!!!!!!

[mabel]

Poo!!!!!

Been staying at my parents for the last 6 weeks due to depression and anxiety. Because he works all day and I'm off sick, it wasn't good for me to be on my own all day.

Have been feeling SO much better. I have been coping really well and thought I'd cracked it (again!) My OH is coming to pick me up tomorrow to go back home. So now i'm anxious, really anxious. Its not bothered me before tonight.

I love him and my life is 'good'. I have nothing to complain about! So why do I feel like this?

Not sure I'll cope. I was feeling really positive for most of the day! I want to go back! I want my life back! It doesn't make sense!

I'm so scared!

Mabel xxx

[Joeycrazycat]

Hey Mabel,

I know how you feel (well, I think I do! )

Everything seems to be so good in my life, but anxiety and panic attacks came back with a vengeance a couple of months ago. Like you I thought it was all behind me, but I think it never really leaves.

Have you had some worries this year, or changes? Don't forget that it is the perfect time of the year to feel "blue" too, and all we're having on the TV are bad news. It's been t least a month that I'm not watching the news anyway!

And no, it doesn't make sense.

Take great care,

JCC

[Cathy V]

Hi Mabel, well if you are going back into the same situation as before then you're bound to feel apprehensive. When we feel so anxious we need to have familiar people around us, and being with your parents has brought you alot of comfort, and helped you to feel stronger. I'd say go back with your OH and just take it easy, see how you go. Do you have a date to return to work?

[mabel]

Thanks JCC and Cathy.

I've had a lot going on and most of it is out of my control.

I'm a teacher and things at school got very stressful, but most of that has been resolved thank goodness!

My OH's mother has been taken into hospital and they think she has dementia as well as severe back pain. We've been looking after her and his father for months. Phone calls in the middle of the night, every night etc. Its not been easy! They are both in their late 80's, bless them.

He's older than me and has 2 children in their early 20's. Although they are not mine I think the world of them! But they always come to stay because they don't get on with their mum. I have a very small house so its difficult. I don't really mind but I feel my house is not my own anymore. I find myself coming home from work and tidying up after them and I'm not used to it.

Plus financially he pays everything for his wife (he's going through a divorce) so money is tight. He pays for her to live (mortgage, bills, everything!) and I pay for us to live. He earns more than me, but it all goes on her and I'm getting into debt! Bless him, he's too nice!!!

So fed up! I love him so much and there really isn't a problem with us its everybody else.


Mabel xxxx

[Joeycrazycat]

Mabel,

You just gave us the answer to why your anxiety is back: it seems to me that there's too much going on in your life. Do you take time for yourself?

You see, I believe I know why it came back to haunt me: my partner's father died late last year, so I have much more responsabilities with my partner's son; we had redundancy at work so I'm doing two people jobs; my partners started to work for the police, so I have to drop and pick her son from school much more often, feed him and spend nights on my own with him while she works night shifts. Luckily, our financial situation is not bad.

I got brutally honest with myself and decided to say "no" sometimes instead of saying always yes to everybody. And already, I feel like a big weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Now, my partner's mum pick her son from school, so I don't have to rush to get him. I spoke with my boss at work and told him that I couldn't cope, and amazingly, he found help to take some work off me, and I have an hour for me every night to either walk or meditate.

I think you should really sort what's happening in your house first; this is your home, and you shouldn't tidy after children in their 20's. My son's partner is 10, and he tidy his bedroom and take his plate to the kitchen once he finishes his diner!

Take great care,

JCC

[mabel]

Thanks JCC,

You're right. My problem is a such a 'people pleaser'. Constantly doing things for others to keep everyone happy. I find if very difficult to say 'no'. I suppose I'll just have to be a bit firmer!

Its no good at all. Always put myself last!

Someone at work a while ago said 'You're always so calm about things!' LOL Little did they know I was frantically trying to cope and was inwardly seething about lots of things!

Mabel xxx

[june]

Congratulations on finding the cause of your problems and ADMITTING to it.
As you say we are sooooo good at hiding our feelings other people think we are so strong and can deal with everything.

If only they realised that we are slowly falling apart.

Now (sorry) here comes your greatest problem how do you say "No" and not offend everyone in your world ???????
You are the most important person in that world without your organisation no one would get fed or cared for

It sounds a bit silly i know but you need a good long talk to sort "stuff out" - even write it out and star mark areas of greatest importance.
I hope this helps
best wishes
june

[picklepish]

Mabel,

I read somehere once that if you can your anger or frustartion that it ferments and becomes anxiety and depression..

you're allowed to feel like you're not appreciated, and you're allowed to tell people that. It's sounds alot to me like you are carrying the load for alot of people. I'm not sure about you but if my OH was paying for everything for his wife and i was paying to support his family (parents and children) and clean up after them all.. I would have alot of canned anger. But that's just me. It's alot of weight to carry.
Maybe some steps towards allowing yourself time out, or explaining to the people around you that you feel like you just need a "little" help sometimes.
Being at home with your parents would have been peaceful.. and that is why you felt better there.
You will get through this if you start explaining your feeling to people and not being afraid of their responses. YOU deserve to be acknowledged for the wonderful things you do.. and you deserve to be upset when something isn't right.

I hope i didn't sound to aggressive.. it's just i've been there.. and i tried to justify everyone around me living off me and expecting to clean after them.. and then listened to myself one day.. I pretended that my best friend was describing her life to me.. and the advice i would have given her.. which i gave myself was.. time to be assertive.. feel the fear and do it anyway. it is impossible to please all the people all the time xx

[mabel]

Thanks June and Picklepish (great name!),

You're right. Its how I go from here, that I need to get sorted.

I think I will make a list of things/issues, thats a good idea. Might help me get things clearer in my mind. I'm quite good at putting things off so this time I need to do something about it!

At least the depression has lifted a bit so i'm more inclined to actually do something!


Mabel xxx

[june]

I'm quite good at putting things off so this time I need to do something about it!
Oh yes Oh yes I know that feeling so well.
Hope you succeed.
Love
june