Feelings of unpredictability of death; meaninglessness of things

[befuddled1]

Sorry for the wordy title. I'm not sure if I've put this in a good place (could maybe go in OCD??) or what my motivations are for posting it...

This is not a new topic for me. I have long had a fear of my own non-existence. I'm currently experiencing some intrusive feelings of the meaninglessness of everything which are depressing and prevent me enjoying life. I'm finding that the idea that I could die at any time (I don't like to type that), that things could end, is present a lot and is obstructs me doing things I need to. In particular, activities that are all about the future are difficult to do when you can't 'see' very far ahead for fear of what might happen. It's a bit like a supersticious idea I suppose, I am reluctant to focus my mind on anything too far in the future because of this. I cannot allow myself to think as if I'm a youngish person with a lot of life ahead of me. Yet I cannot live with the fear of life ending soon either.
I guess I'm just posting this to see if anyone can relate or what responses I get. Sometimes I need to communicate this to others in my life but I don't feel able, or fear they won't understand. Perhaps communicating it here will help me.

[Richd]

Hey,

I've been there, I'm actually still fighting it at the moment. It's strange, I've been through many different stages of it. I started off experiencing an anxiety which I couldn't really put a cause to, the world was just feeling very surreal to me, not just the world, but the idea behind everything, existance in general.

So I started thinking on it, and it turned into a very definite depression, I began crying a lot, I couldn't control it around my family and friends, basically I fell apart.

I had to then start to question why I was falling apart and what was going on. I spoke to my doctor and got CBT, and addressed the anxiety, and in doing so I had to properly question what was wrong. And basically, I was just thinking on everything. I'd managed to break the world, and my life in general, unintentionally, down to just pretty much nothing. Through a matter of events my life was just pretty much empty. And when you have nothing, the world is just pointless.

I'm still trying to claw my way back from this. The depression as such has lifted, but the anxiety is remaining. It's no easy task but I am gonna come back from this, and be much more strong in the process.

Whatever you're thinking about life, what is existence, what's the point in it if one day it's going to be all over and gone, how can you care about the moment if in 80 years time you're not even going to be able to remember the moment anyway.... you HAVE to overcome that, like I've been there, and thought I never would get myself away from that realisation... but I'm getting there, you can realise that, but you never know for sure that death is the actual end, it could very well not be... maybe spend the time you're spending thinking about that on thinking what else could happen? Maybe explore some philosophical routes? Religion? Even science... some scientists believe death isn't the end now. Maybe you're more spiritual a person than you ever gave yourself credit for?

And if none of that interests you, then try to turn your fear around to living for the moment, become completely carefree, because what's the point anyway!

I know it's very hard where you are at the moment, it's a really dark, strange place, I've definitley been there, and I know I'm not out of the woods yet, but as far as the depression, existential angst and fear of death are concerned, there are ways out of this.

Good luck x

[Meewah]

Well said Richd.

Death is not understandable and makes me feel really strange just thinking about it. It made me question everything also. My doc said you have just discovered your mortality like a coming of age.

I had thought about dying before but not so obsessively. I started to lose interest in normal things like work and material items. I started to to value life more. I have stopped drinking and started walking. As an atheist I started looking for a philosophical reason to life. That and needing to relax brought me to buddhism. I listened to the teachings and it made sense. The only thing I cant totally commit to is reincarnation. As my teacher said if you don't believe in reincarnation and it really exists then you could probably do some things in this life that might effect the next. If you keep an open mind of acceptance to reincarnation and it does not exist so what you have lived your life morally so you what's to lose from believing. Its not science. I think you have to find a belief system that works for you but it seems to me that religion was developed for this exact reason to deal with that area that no one knows about and usually cant find away to deal with it. Belief that the world is round because you've seen pictures and videos is a powerful thing. Buddha gave us some tools for dealing with the suffering we experience while we are alive he never comments about things he cant prove.

Take a different approach to dealing with your thoughts. I think anxiety is on the rise because we no longer believe in a religion. We have no answers to those questions. Our new religion is to keep busy at work and at play and keep burying it away hoping those questions will not surface but if something happens that stops you in your tracks it shows its ugly head and the questions arise then what...

Find a belief system that works for you and then practice.

Hope you find peace.

Mee

[LeeBee]

I sometimes wish that I could be a more spiritual person. I have a friend who is one of the cleverest people I know, but I always thought it was strange that she believes in mediums, fate and "the spirit world". I always thought this was odd for such an intelligent, logical woman. How could she believe in things that are obviously not real (in my opinion)? But now I think that she sort of suspends her disbelief. That she believes in these things as metaphors rather than literally, and that they help her through life. If I could do that maybe life wouldn't seem to be such a pointless void, and I would have more hope?

[befuddled1]

Thanks very much for your responses. I like the idea that I might one day find some kind of more spiritual or religious answer to this issue, it just can seem highly unlikely at times. It is, however, the only thing I think I would find comfort in.
I think I'm feeling a bit better today. I'm trying to concentrate on assignment (though am pretty bad at actually focussing on it) and every now and then it's sort of my mind opens up to a bigger picture of life and I get a really depressed feeling. It's sort of like realising there's nothing to look forward to after the assignments done, that it's all pointless. I've not had it for a while so, fingers crossed, it's staying away because it really doesn't help my motivation!

[tomjanefan]

yes i have these thoughts now and then. i have always feared death.
for several months i have been having heart palpitations almost everyday off and on. i had heart tests last year whe they first started, it was ok.
i went off prozac 2 x and this happens. i am taking xxannx as needed,
does anyone else struggle with palpitations?
thanks!