A State of Pure Terror - definition of a panic attack

[Seebra]

Help me." The words echo through my head as a prayer. Who I am praying to I have no idea, but the words repeat anyway... again and again.

My heart is beating way too fast, pounding against my chest, trying to escape, or explode, I don't yet know which.

The adrenaline kicks it, the fight or flight instinct, but I have nowhere to run and noone to fight. I wonder how high the pulse rate must be before one's heart collapses, explodes into a million pieces.

This thought sends me to the next dangerous level. I gasp for breath... a searing pain crushes my shoulder and lungs... a heart attack at 35, I think.

My hands are trembling, my head is spinning, I am so dizzy.

I glance around me at coworkers busy typing away, and I hope that when I collapse, it is not a huge scene, and it is with some grace. I hope the ambulance arrives quickly. I want to see my daughter again.

Heart beats faster now. I didn't think it could get any faster. Throbbing in my ears and my head. Standing on the edge of a cliff... my stomach tickles the way it does during that first downhill ramp on a roller coaster.

Skin tingling now... harder to breathe. Every muscle contracts, I feel stiff as a board. There is no air. I'm hot and I'm cold.

Whole body is shaking now... hurts everywhere. I am having a stroke. An aneurysm. Can't think. Can't breathe... can't see...

"Help me."

I wrap my arms around myself, trying to comfort the frightened little girl inside and protect her from danger.

My mouth is so dry. I sip my juice and start to choke. Can't swallow. Can't relax.

Shhhh, I whisper. It will be ok. You've been through this a million times and nothing bad ever happened. You will come out of this soon, just try to relax.

"But I can't breathe," the little girl in me pleads for some kind of relief.

I don't know what to think. I will never feel good again. This state is forever. There's no safety. There's no peace.

And then...

I am able to take one deep breath and my heart beat slows. I sip my juice slowly and I am able to swallow now. I feel my pulse and it no longer seems to hate my body.

I feel spent... somewhere between euphoria and exhaustion. The way you would feel after intense sex, or on the first day you begin to recover from the flu.

For a moment, I begin to worry that it's beginning again.

And then... I let it go.

And all the while, those around me don't have a clue that I have just been on a ride of horror. I've learned to hide it well.

This is what a panic attack feels like.

[Dreamer029]

Seebra,
Good description, I get the dizzy and skin tingling sensation too and I always think the same thing about it never ending. It's terrible. I'm glad there are people out there that understand how this feels.
Laur

[LACEYA1961]

A very powerful post...thank you for describing EXACTLY how a panic attack feels like.

Take care

Lacey

[bel25]

That's exactly it! Although we know it isn't real it feels real.
xxx

[johnnicholls]

Fantastic, I can show this post to my wife and family so they can understand a bit better how it feels, thank you.

[minihaha]

best description of a panic attack i have read - i'm only sorry that you are a fellow sufferer and you have had to live these episodes of panics to be in a position to document them. The bit about glancing round at your co-workers is especially true - i do that all the time.

I also experience a feeling of paralysis after the tingling and the muscles contracting - my body is unable to move and every time i feel like this i am admamant i have had a slight stroke or fit or summat.