Unexpected

[Karen]

Sorry to hear of your loss Alexis.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[alexis]

Hi Guys, when I posted this early this morning I just wanted positive vibes, I didnt feel too bad about it but as the day has gone on I feel AWFUL, my heart is racing, my head feels like it is going to explode and i just feel as if I want to cry for the rest of my life.
I am so tired, so this does not help at all. I think my sleep pattern is getting worse as I get better.
I dont know what to do with myself, I dont know if i want to chat or go into chat room, I dont know if I want to try and relax or do what I usually do and keep on the go. I just dont know what to do.
Thanks for all your replies.I wish I did have diazepam on occassions like this when I need to be somewhere but no i dont and unfortunately rescue remedy does not do much for me.
I would normlly sit at the back and near the door like i do if I have to go in crowded rooms but I dont think I can here because of it being family.
There is no way I would feel right if I had to go out, I would feel it is disrespectful.
Thinking beyond church only leads me to thinking about the pub afterwards, I havent been in a pub for over a year. that I will prob miss though and not go.
Anyway sorry its a long reply, thanks again guys, I dont mean to be negative, Im just on a bad day, i think the feelings after the concert on Friday are still lurking at the back of my mind too. Take Care, love Alexis,xx

[Quirky]

Hi Alexis,
I am thinking of you. It's hard this has come so soon after the concert.
Just try and rest/relax as much as you can. Maybe you can't sit at the back of the church but maybe try and be on the end of an aisle instead.
You will get through this and if you can't manage the pub don't worry it's the funeral that matters most. You've done really well in the last week with the concert, remember that.
take care,
LJ

[alexis]

Thanks LJ yes, not really worried about the pub as I have partly accepted I cant go especially as it is the one where we had my dads.
I will sit near the end of a row. The church has lots of memories, both happy and sad but i have been thinking I will sit in church and if panic or feel bad I will try to think how many happy events have happened in there.
Eg I went to brownies and guides there, I got married there, I used to go to christmas midnight services etc, my granda did a lot of joinery, I must find something positive to help.
Thanks again love Alexis,x

[bluesparkle]

hi alexis...
i just want to say i will also be thinking of you and sending as many positive vibes as i can...
i know this is difficult... but you will get through it...
im afraid i dont have any sound advice but we all understand how you must be feeling right now...
will be thinking of you tomorrow
take care and let us know how you get on
rach

[Quirky]

Alexis,
You seem to have the right idea by thinking of all the positives and good times you've had in the church, well done.
I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, what time is the funeral?
Take care and let us know how you get on.
Love LJ x

[nomorepanic]

Alexis

Can I send Piggy along to look after you?

We are all thinking of you and please try to do it cos I know that you will regret it if you don't.

I did 3 funerals in 3 years when I was really bad and I managed to do it cos I had to be there for Alex so I remained strong. It was not easy and I felt awful but I did it and so can you.

Big hug and will be thinking of you.
x

Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"

[Quirky]

been thinking of you Alexis, hope today went ok
LJ

[alexis]

Hi guys, thanks again, I went today , I wont bore you with all details but I was first out of church and struggled to stay in but I did,
I really dont feel good, Im so tired its unbelievable but I think this is the insomnia, and the fact that I have had 2 extremely mentally taxing things this week Iam going to bed now and if I wake at 2am then I do, but I am hoping tonight is the night I will catch up on all the missed sleep, thamks again, Love Alexis,xx

[Meg]

Well done for doing what you needed to do ..

Sleep well xx