My Journey to Freedom *Diary*

[Sopanen]

Hello, if you haven't already I would suggest you to read: http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=41260

This tells you who I'm and what my issues are.

Now to the rough part: I'm gonna try to get my life together so that I can live a normal life. I'm gonna do everything and anything to get better, here are my current plans:


After new year I'm going to start by going outside for about 4-5 hours a day, because this will trigger my panic attacks and that's what I want. When I get my panics attack I'm gonna think about all the horrible things that can happen' to me, so I freak out like hell. Then when I'm at the "Omfg, I need to do something" Stage and I start running around in circles in panic, I'm going to call one of my friends and try to calm myself down.

When or if, I'm ever going to be able to control those 5hours without getting to the stage "Horrible" I'm going to the next stage, which will be going to the city, then I will walk around like every other person until I feel like crap again. Then I know I'm gonna have to sit down and just close my eyes because I'm going to be so terrified. If I ever manage to do this and just sit out the panic attack, I'm gonna be proud of myself I'd say. Because I always flee before I get this far.


What I've done:

1. Quited my addiction to games.
2. Started sleeping 8-9 hours a night.
3. Quited eating and drinking everything that has caffeine.
4. Started eating. (I've had problems with my hunger)
5. Took care of my body, in general.
6. Started exercising again (I'm not doing very well on this one doh)



My Goals in General:

I want to be able to these things without panicing or feeling heavy anxiety.

Go to the movies []
Meet my friends []
Start being together with my father again []
Go for a swim []
Be outside my house for a whole day, without going crazy []

I also want to lose fear for darkness, and start thinking normally again. I've been so paranoid lately.



The first day of 2009, I'm gonna start my journey to freedom, if I fail heavily I'm gonna try starting with some drugs my doctor wrote out to me.

So what I'm going to bring to my trips are: My astma meds, my cellphone, some water, food, warm clothes. (Since it's s**t cold outside here in Sweden at this time of the year) A Plastic bag, that I can breathe in if I hyperventilate like hell.

I know that the breathing part, is my problem. I'm not really scared of having pains in the chest or shaking even doh I know this is a sign of my panic rising.

If I can be bothered I will also do a short video clip with my web cam every time I arrive back home, but I'm not promising anything.



Day 1:

[lorac]

Hi

I am so pleased you have decided to tackle your anxiety and wish you the very best of luck. Please take it slowly and tackle a little at a time because it can be quite exhausting doing this, I know because I am doing it.

Don't expect miracles to start with because it does take time and don't get dissapointed if you fail sometimes because that is quite natural. The one thing that helped me was getting a copy of a Claire Weeks book because she really explained how to tackle anxiety and panic and it gave me a far better understanding of what I was going through.

Good luck and keep us posted we will be interested in your journey.

Carol x

[Sopanen]

Hi

I am so pleased you have decided to tackle your anxiety and wish you the very best of luck. Please take it slowly and tackle a little at a time because it can be quite exhausting doing this, I know because I am doing it.

Don't expect miracles to start with because it does take time and don't get disappointed if you fail sometimes because that is quite natural. The one thing that helped me was getting a copy of a Claire Weeks book because she really explained how to tackle anxiety and panic and it gave me a far better understanding of what I was going through.

Good luck and keep us posted we will be interested in your journey.

Carol x

I know it's going to be exhausting, but I just feel like I have to do this. I'm not expecting miracles and I know it wont be easy, I'm not even saying I'll get through the first week. But its worth a try.

[peter_griffen]

Good luck with your goals - try not to freeze too much in Sweden thou! :-)

[lorac]

Hi

I totally agree it is well worth it and I wish you the very best of luck keep us posted.

Carol x