The Battle that Rages in my Head

[ardyce]

Jeezz!!! The same fellows are talking to me too!!!

This *conversation* is all too familiar.[Ugh]

Ardyce

[nick_london]

[quote]I've been anxious pretty much for 3 months now. It all started

<snip>

Damn good post.

[expecto patronum]

Wow, sometimes I feel like its only me that has this constant 'argument' going on in my head, I have even likened it to the cartoon angel and devil just like u!

[barb mrozek]

[quote]<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I've been anxious pretty much for 3 months now. It all started when I found a lump on my testicle - this lead to my first ever panic attack (a week later, I guess all the worrying caught up with me).

Anyhow, over the last few months there's been a constant two sided conversation in my head between my positive and negative thoughts. Its almost like a cartoon angel and devil sitting on my shoulder, and its driving me nuts.

Italic Font - Mr Negative
Normal Font - Mr Positive.


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In General


You had testicular cancer 3 months ago. The tumor was removed, but you've since developed all the classic signs of a brain tumor haven't you? You didn't catch it in time, it spread to your neck and then into your brain. They only scanned your from the chest downwards. This type of cancer doesn't show up in the blood 30% of the time. The doctors, pathologists, oncologists and your optician are incompetent and don't know what they are doing.

Rubbish. The biopsy showed a very small tumor, and there was no sign of invasion, not even microscopic. What are the chances that its spread to your neck and brain given all the proffesionals you've seen, plus all the negative test results, plus the extreme unlikelyhood of it ever spreading to the brain before first showing up in the abdomen and lungs? Practically zero. And even after that it must be a pretty crafty brain tumor to avoid detection by two oncologists, two doctors and an optician.

The only thing that's wrong with you is that you have anxiety. You are cured. If anything, you have survivor guilt syndrome. It all happened so fast, and you were 'cured' so quickly that you somehow felt cheated - You have surgery, a week later you see an oncologist who gives you the all clear and then you're left alone with your thoughts.

On top of this you have to remember that just after being diagnosed, you were CONVINCED you had lung cancer. By the time you were sat in the urologist's office, you could bearly breathe out of one lung. Remember? You said it felt like it was made of lead. You were so convinced that the first thing the urologist did was send you straight for an X-Ray. An hour after you got the news that your lungs looked 'fine', you're breathing returned to normal. And you haven't had a SINGLE problem with it since. Not even a twinge.

And if that wasn't enough, weren't you getting horrible stabbing pains and cramps in your abdomen and terrible back pain in the days leading up to your CT scan? Again, you were absolutely CONVINCED you had tumors in several lymph nodes in your abdomen. And so what happened when you got the CT scan results? That's right, you haven't had a single twinge in that area since.

See a pattern here? Anxiety causes a tightness of the chest. Anxiety causes abdomen problems (IBS and co) and its psychosomatic style can amplify a slight back ache into a crippling one. The reason you're focused on your neck and head is that its the only two places they HAVEN'T scanned. Don't forget that.


Headaches

Headaches are a classic sign of a brain tumor. And you've pretty much had a headache in one form or another for the last two and a half months. No headaches last that long. You rearly suffered from headaches before this. Its obviously a tumor. Its worse when you lie down. Which is bad news. Because extra blood pressure to your brain causes it to ache more.

Remember how you first described the headaches to your GP the first time you went to see him? That's right, you described it as having a vice around your head. Sounds an awful lot like the classic tension 'headband' headache doesn't it? Remember you telling the GP about the headache at the base of your skull? Tension in the neck.

Remember that your jaw hurt the same time? Remember using that massaging machine on it? Remember how it mad

[Mranxious]

I can see that this post has helped a lot of people, but as someone whose primary cause of health anxiety is testicular cancer, the fact that you have had it has made me feel a whole lot worse. :(
I know that regular checks are neccessary for my own wellbeing so i'm confronted with having to check them on a regular basis. I've seen the DR and had them checked numerous times when I thought that there was something wrong only to be told that they are unconcerned by their findings.

[Mranxious]

Sorry if my previous post sounds abrupt. It wasn't meant to

[Mranxious]

Further to my apology, I realise that the fact that you did have testicular cancer doesn't by default mean that I also must have undetected testicular cancer!

What an idiot I am!! Just shows how the mind, or rather my mind at the moment latches onto something and makes a quantum leap from it.

Sorry again

[matt1981]

Very good post mate my psychologist writes my negative and realistic thoughts on cards, I read them everyday but sometimes (quite often at the moment) they don't seem to go in but he assures me they do.

[MasterJPK69]

Well written my friend you basically hit it on the head on how i think every day man and i thought i was going crazy. It accually feels better to know i am not the only one with these symptoms, feelings or thoughts.

[toffeechris]

Top post mate. I only really come onto this forum when I'm feeling like I'm not able to overcome the negative thoughts etc, and although your symptoms are different to my own issues, the overall message shines through like the light at the end of the tunnel. Cheers fella!