The Battle that Rages in my Head

[clairebear34]

I get this constant battle it distressing and very tiring atm ive got a heart problem this is what ive convince myself last week it was stomache ulcer or cancer went to drs for results all clear.. whats made me think a heart problem is I keep getting pains in my left arm.. which I think is just carpel tunnel as I developed it while pregnant not pregnant anymore but I still have it..?? so im thinking of a heart problem but I havw read if it dont go away chances are it isnt a heart problem it more like muscular or a tendon or trapped nerve I neck although im always trying to convince myself it not heart I'll get another twinge and im back to square one again.. and I do excesize which easiers it yet anothwr sign it isnt heart problem cos it'r get worse on cos I always think its my heart I then tense up so much I get palpations which then leads me thinking it certainly is my heart.... everyday is a battle im scared to go drs again because I will panic and cos I tjink its my heart and it wont beable to handle the stress...?? I really could do with some reassurance and someone to tell me its okay and tell me symptoms of a heart problem to see if I have got a bad heart

[2manyworries]

I cannot believe how relieved I am to have found this site and this post. I wake up every day wondering when I will die of cancer. I cannot accept the mammograms this year and last year are accurate and am sure that my dense breast tissue is hiding cancer. I have always been terrified of dying due to various damaging issues in my childhood - mainly a mum who from my earliest memories told me she would die of cancer young just like her mum and that I would be sorry then. Sure enough she sat on all the signs of bowel cancer for 4 years and then died (not terribly young but young enough to shake me up). I know I am nothing like that - I don't want cancer to be my self fulfilling prophecy but instead being cautious has turned into a screwed up state of alert 24/7. There isn't a day which passes where I don't believe I have some form of cancer and on some days breast checks will run into 30 or 40 a day. I broke down last night and begged my husband to pay for me to have my breasts removed so that I wouldn't have this worry - then I felt horrendous that I would wish such a thing when there are people out there who have no choice. No one really seems to understand - I get told so often 'don't worry'. Right now my persistent cough since September, which logic tells me is due to anxiety, coupled with a pain in my chest (which is most likely the chest wall tear they told me about at mammogram) and the pain under my arm (which is almost certainly linked to the chest wall tear) have all cumulated in me believing I have advanced breast cancer. Despite only having a mammogram in May! I don't think this forum will help me shake these demons any time soon but god I am glad to know I am not alone .... I can't bear the thought though that I might waste every day of my life worrying like this and look back with bitter regret. I also can't bear the though my children (and I have a few) are witnessing this ...