the separation anxiety part of ptsd

[ade]

i get home from work,just in time to recieve my girls back from the childminder,around 5.30.soon its bedtime hour and the girls snuggle up on the sofa for the night garden.then the separation anxiety kicks in.sharp pains in stomach,feelings of doom and permanent separation.it can be traced back to my mother nearly dying in 1972.all i want,all my soul is begging for is everyone to be home and safe.the children in my charge,being beautiful fruit of a loving and faithful marriage,just make the idea of us all not being together even more bleak,and my mind starts picturing accidents and i physically shudder at the idea of my beloved wife being hurt.all this whilst preparing dinner so that its on the table when she comes down from getting changed.then,often when ive pulled myself into shape,the car headlights illuminate the kitchen,then switch off.mummy is home.i try to hide the tears of relief in my eyes and all of us have a cuddle,a cuddle that i swear has more effect on me than class a drugs did.another example of this is when my babba has a sleep.i dont notice sometimes until she awakens,then my body undergoes a euphoric rush and my mind is filled with joy that she is alive and again tears fill my eyes.
i cant change any of this, the separation anxiety is just too much,my girls are just so so so precious.but i write this to tell you of the happy celebration in a mans soul when his beloved family are together safe and happy.til next time,the world is perfect.

[Hope 2]

Hi Ade

I recently began charity based counselling, mainly for help with 'the past'. I have been refused psychiatric assessment by the nhs.

I am kinda opposite to you. I can't find comfort in my partner or child. I can so see how you can of course.

I realise I keep myself out of the loop, family wise, I only just see it's cos I am protecting myself, maybe ??? I am so lonely really. The outsider even on the inside.

What I felt compelled to say to you (took me long enough lol) was that maybe, like me, the 'problem' is that we don't feel we deserve the good things we have. This is perhaps what underpins our fears. That it's all gonna get ripped from us........

best wishes
Julia

[ade]

'give me what i want
and all i can think of is losing it'

[sunshine-lady]

Hi Ade

I can empathise how you feel. I am the same with my husband, son, grandaughter etc. Both my son and husband work in the building trade and I have visions of them having accidents at work or in the vans they drive.

I will not look after my grandaughter while I am alone, I am so scared that she gets hurt while in my care. Of course I would never harm her, but I see so many accidents in my head, lot's of "what ifs".

My husband went to a stagg do in Leeds a couple of months ago and stayed over night. I am not a jealous person and trust him completely. I worried so much that the train would crash, someone would stab him or he got run over etc that I stayed awake all night untill he came home the next afternoon and was so relived and tired I sobbed!