That one took me by surprise !

[peterg]

After all the positive feelings yesterday and progress made so far...another set back today.

In the office for 8.15am and but by 10am had to leave the office after fighting/ignoring the early phases of a panic attack.

Sat in an empty coffee shop with some toast and coffee (decaf. ofcourse) for another hour whilst go through the sweating, tension, clamped chest feeling and trying hard to ignore the symptoms and sort myself out before retyrning to the office.

Had to admit defeat this time and returned home.

Straight to bed with Meg's CD 2 about understanding and coping with acute symptoms. Spot on Meg !

This helped me settle and I fell asleep until 1.45pm.

Woke: tension all over; slow walk and pain in my muscles particularly my leg muscles. Clamped heart, sweating, headache, unreal feeling, tearful, shattered; stiff neck and shoulders and weak legs. Balance affected.

Now I know this is all produced by my subconscious, but hell what ever I did to alleviate this attack failed in the short term.

That said, I later logged onto the forum and posted a couple of bits which helped take my mind off things. By 4.30pm I felt ok enough to get a light work out at the gym.

It's now 7pm and I feel good if not a little shattered/fatigued.

Tomorrow is another day, the mind is a powerful thing, I will have to find additional techniques to trick my mind and avoid having to leave work because of a panic attack.

And yes I did say to myself I won't let the F****g thing beat me.

Sorry, had to get that out of my system.......

ps i guess the panic attack was triggered by a pending Occupational Health meeting at work and an ongoing problem with my manager who keeps taking decisions on my behalf without consulting me !

[seh1980]

aaawwww sorry to hear about your day Peter. Tomorrow can only be better!!

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

[Donna]

Hello peter,

Im sorry you had such a hard day, but weldone for thinking positively

Take care
Donna x

[Meg]

Well done fro identifying the cause of it.
Could you recognise the train of thought that took you there ..

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[sal]

Hi Peter

Pleased you could talk about how today has being, not easy but hun you got through it.

Hope you have a better day tomorrow, let us know how it goes.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[peterg]

Meg,

My manager returned from a weeks holiday. Some staff changes were made affecting my section by him when I was on holiday the week before. He did not speak to me about this.

I only found out about the changes last Thursday from speaking to another manager.

My role is effectively being down graded in terms of the role in the short term and I am having to cover vacant posts when really I should be getting back into my role. All potentially a bit messy and probably braking employment laws.

The dilema I face is that fighting and confrontation does not help my recovery at the moment. that said I will not let them get away with it !

So, yes I was aware of the thought process but it was so intense today that I could not break it as I have on other occasions....

I've used this afternoon for recovery purposes and will start fresh tomorrow.

Thanks everyone for your comments

[pips]

Sorry you had a bad day Peter.

Hope you feel better today.

Take care,

Love PIP'S X

[Meg]

Yes you're right Peter, its increasingly hard to work through it if you don't know what you're facing each day and have no support at work.

Are you keeping careful documented evidence in a journal about all his 'non care' ? All employers have a duty of care.

You may need it if it turns nasty and you decide to put in a grievance at some point. Is it a reasonably large company with HR etc - How are they being ?

I hope today is better.



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[peterg]

Hi Meg,

It seems to be me against HR and my line manager which is mainly due to ignorance on their part. I've tried to be open and honest and this has been turned around on me. The trust just is not there at the moment.
Yes it's a large organisation in the public sector that should know better.

Today has been particularly difficult. I struggled to get into work, but did knowing I had an important meeting at 10am. I first persuaded myself that I could duck out of the meeting if I felt too bad. When I got to work, I was too bad, but told myself that if I felt terrible in the meeting, I could make my excuses and leave the meeting.

I felt dizzy and sick and thought I was going to make a dash for the loo at one stage to be sick. I kept telling myself that this is all in the mind.
My chest was its usual painful, clamped heart state. My walking was affected and slow and my speech a bit hesitant.

Still, survived the meeting and made a few good points in the meeting despite my pre-occupation with how lousy I felt.

Back at the office for one o'clock and I went out for a walk in the town centre to get away from the work place. I said to my manager that it was if I was suffering the symptoms of a heart attack.

My walking was slow and my balance felt affected. Kept laughing at myself again knowing this is all in the mind and that in a few hours I would probably be fit enough to go to the gym !

Back in the office after a bit of retail therapy, i felt dreadful. My concentration was very poor sitting at my pc. I felt wobbly every time I picked up a print at the printer. i started thinking that people are probably thinking I am trying to pull a "fast one." The symptoms were real enough, but I realise prompted by my subconscious thoughts.

It was not until about 3.30pm that I finally started to feel an improvement. I left the office at 4.45pm for a final one to one counselling session (eternal organisation) which was very good but exhausting. I left that with a migraine head and feeling like the last 24 hours had left me feeling I had just run back to back marathons.

The consolation was that I had survived the day and taken charge of the anxiety condition...I had achieved what I had set out to do yesterday when I was willing to lose that battle, but today feeling I've moved a step closer to winning the war ! I've finished my one to one counselling that started in November, ready for CNT through the NHS in August.

Now I need to get ready for the Occupational Health doctor that apparently is flying in from Ireland to see me tomorrow ! What's that all about...my GP has got the measure of the condition....perhaps work do not believe me and want a fifth opinion?

Still they will learn one day !

Bye for now..

[Meg]

**Still, survived the meeting and made a few good points in the meeting despite my pre-occupation with how lousy I felt.** Congratulations and you did it in beautifully stepped stages too .

**Occupational Health doctor that apparently is flying in from Ireland to see me tomorrow ! What's that all about...** I hope this goes well - and that he is reasonable about your fitness to return to work. He must know about duty of care.

I do believe that if you were in a supportive environment
you would be almost at a war victory as you are doing well despite all the extra stress you really don't need and have the right frame of mind..







Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?