FINDING IT HARD TO COPE

[Barb]

I am finding it really hard to cope at the moment I am so depressed nearly every day is a struggle I keep busy and i have actally done loads this morning, but as soon as my daughter comes home lunchtime to take me out I start to feel strange and my head clamps up and the tiredness hits and so its just driving about. We stopped at the shops but Iwas just too bad to attempt to go in. I havent been in a shop for nearly a year ( when this setback started) so I started to cry as usual and it all seems so pointless I long to be able to go out and enjoy myself again but its been so long now I dont see it ever changing and I have so much guilt about my husband he has spent years building our business up and we should be having a great life with no money worries I cant remember the last time we went out together but its been years I dont know how he has stayed with me . He does have a social life but gets fed up being the only one without a partner and now I feel we have drifted apart although he doesnt agree. I belong to the No Panic charity
and have just finished a 14 week phone group on cbt which I enjoyed and have gone on to the befriending group my goal this week was to go in a shop and somehow by tuesday I HAVE to do it. I just think that after all these years and after all I acheived over the years I am back to sqaure one trying to get in a shop. Sometimes I just dont think I have the strength to start all over again.

Luv Barb xxx

[carlin]

Oh Barb,
i so fully understand how you are feeling, i could have written most of that myself, this last year i seem to have gone backwards, but i refuse to give in, i like you find it difficult to go shopping and how i imagined my life to be right now, is not what i had planned. kids are 'sort of' off hand and i thought this is me and hubby's time, but unfortunately, he likes to go out and i find it difficult. i have been trying lately, (with a lot of back-up plans) i go to the shops, he pays at the checkout, that sort of thing, it is very frustrating and makes us feel very low, but you have a good family around and some day soon...i'm sorry to sound so negative, not what you want to hear, but things will turn around, it takes time and a lot of perseverance and patience. xxxx

[Piglet]

Oh, Barb...

Like you and Carlin I get so fed up of feeling like this too.

You know what guys though it does pass - over the last 6 years I've had lots of good spells its just I lose sight of them when I'm struggling.

At the moment I'm as happy as larry at home but not really enjoying being out. I go out with my kids who I have to say have been terrific and just now we've been out to the shops.

Recently I've been saying to myself when I'm out, not to fight the panic, so I let it wash over me like a wave and let it move on. I did that on the bus coming home and you must remind me to carry on with it as it worked I've done it a few times in Hombase with the same result. I am realising that I musn't gird myself up against the panic as I tighten everything up but relax into it (oh boy is this so hard to do).

Recently I've been feeling so positive so I'm willing to give things a go but can totally identify with how you are feeling as its all so up and down.

Does it make you feel any better to know that there are loads of us out here feeling just like you - it does make me feel better. Wish we all lived together in a commune and we could just send the more outgoing ones out to the shops couldn't we.

Lots of love
Piglet

[trac67]

Barb,
I like you used to have trouble going out to the shops, i would get so worked up at the thought of it by the time i got there i just couldnt do it. Now i have found that if i dont plan to do things i just suddenly say right lets go to the supermarket and then i go, i dont have the time to get myself anxious about it, and then once i am there walking around (always holding onto the trolley mind, its my security blanket LOL) i get so absorbed in looking at things and deciding what i am going to buy, that i completely forget about my anxiety. The first time is the hardest, but once you have overcome the first step, you come out thinking what on earth was i worried about, try to go when you know it will be quiet the first time, and take someone with you who will chat away to you, to stop all the negative feelings, and once you get to the checkout, busy yourself by packing the shopping and talking, and before you realise it you will have done it. I hope this helps.
Take care
Trac

[seh1980]

hi Barb,

I used to be just like you. I didn't leave the house for 3 months when I was at my worst. There must be someone who you really trust and who you can go with. Once you have done it once, you will be SO proud. Why not do it in little stages? The first time, you can just walk in, look at something in trhe aisle closest to the door, and then leave. Then you can work up from there. Good luck!!

Sarah

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

[Barb]

Thanks Everyone

I do have someone to go out with, my daughter Nic takes me every day as where I live there are no shops which is why I got so trapped in the first place. I will do what you suggest Sarah. I will start tomorrow

Barb xxx

[LisaS]

hi Barb,
well done you for doing what sarah suggested! or at least planning it. it just goes to show you have got some positivity in you and strength left to use.. I remember my wonderful GP telling me that when you find this strength, grab onto it with both hands and dont let it go..
Its true that once you do the thing you're scared of, you feel so chuffed with yourself.. its worth doing, just for that feeling.
it does take hard work but you will get there..
Lisa
xxx

"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"

[Meg]

Barb .

I'm glad you enjoyed the CBT 14 weeks by phone . How have you benefitted from it though ?

**I start to feel strange and my head clamps up and the tiredness hits and so its just driving about**

This is normal anticipatory anxiety and to be expected ahead of doing something that you fear. Unfortunately this is the time where despite how rotton you feel, I so strongly urge you
to take one step towards the shop .

Stand at the entrance as though you're waiting for someone and make no attempt even at going in.
Stand there and lean on a trolley and wait it out for 5 minutes breathing regularly , letting your heart pound etc and then leave. The very next day repeat the exercise and stay 7.5 minutes and tell yourself again and again that you are safe and will be ok again today.

I'm sure you will have gone through all this in your phone sessions but the only way this is going to improve is to do it tiny bit by tiny bit.

Sometimes its the thoughts that lead you to horrid feelings and sometimes the horrid feelings and sensations lead you to think awfully dramatic thoughts.. Either way - you will not be harmed by them.

Where do you live ?





Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Barb]

Because I am struggling so much now meg I keep thinking all the symptoms I get must mean something is wrong with me and I wont go near a doctor. I do all my grocery shopping on the computer and that was the worst thing I ever did thats what stopped me going in shops. Plus I have to wait for someone to take me.
I live in Bedfordshire in a village on the outskirts of Luton

Barb xx

[Meg]

Barb ,

*I keep thinking all the symptoms I get must mean something is wrong with me *

Fortunately, this is not true or I would not still be here to tell the tale.

Whats your biggest fear with seeing your doctor and getting a check up that would most probably resssure you that you are ok ?

I'm glad you enjoyed the CBT 14 weeks by phone . How have you benefitted from it though ?





Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?