Telling the whole story

[fluffyfred]

I love my husband to bits, but I've found that I can't tell him the whole story about my depression.

For the past few weeks, I've been feeling like slashing my wrists because several things have got on top of me and I can't seem to make them go away.

I went to the doctor and told her the whole story, told her everything, how I'm scared of hurting my son, how I think about attacking my husband, how I feel an urge to cut my wrists, how I don't want to be here any more. She diagnosed depression and put me on Fluoxetine.

I went home and told my husband and he was scared that I was going to slash my wrists like I did when I was on Citalopram. I was worried about telling him about my thoughts and haven't managed to tell him the whole story still.

My Mum who is schizophrenic has sensed that something isn't right and keeps telling me to give her a call when things get too much for me but I can't seem to be able to, me and her have never had a great relationship to the point I can't even tell her I love her because I'm not sure I do.

I insisted to my husband that me and him go for a walk last week while his parents looked after our Son overnight, I was planning on telling him everything but I just couldn't for some reason. Instead we talked about work and how we're enjoying our jobs which did make me feel a bit better.

I've told him I'd like for us to do the same again this weekend to give us a chance to spend a bit of time together again and talk. We've always had a great relationship with no secrets, so how come I can't tell him everything? Is it because he didn't understand the first time round? He didn't understand why I felt like I did and didn't understand why I was crying all the time. He still doesn't really understand that much now so I'm planning on buying a book for him to read to help him understand.

Sorry for babbling on but I'm just writing down everything as I am thinking it because my concentration levels are terrible at the moment.

fluffy

[trac67]

Hi Fluffy,
It is hard for people who dont suffer with anxiety and depression to understand how it makes us feel, my mum used to say to me pull yourself together and get on with it, but its not that easy. I finally got her to come to a doctors appointment with me and then she finally understood how i was feeling. Have you tried getting your husband to come to the doctors with you, you may find it easier to explain to him with the support of your doctor behind you. Your husband sounds like a lovely person and i am sure he will want to help you all he can.
I hope this helps,
Take care
Trac

[kate]

I've been with my hubby for 27 years, 24 years of which I have suffered with mental health problems, and he STILL doesn't understand it.

Kate x

[pinkscrumpy]

Me to Kate.

MANDIE XX

[pips]

My Hubby finds it hard to. He does try but non sufferes do find it difficult. Thats a good idea about the book my hubby has read stuff on it to to try and have a better understanding.

I hope you manage to have a chat with him soon. A BIG warm welcome to the site.

Take care,

Love PIP'S X X

[carlin]

Hi there,
i also have been married for 27 years, and suffered (on and off) for apx 16. although hubby accepts that i have problems, every now and then, he loses his cool and goes down the old route of, you need to try harder etc.. we love and know each other so well, but i still believe that unless you have suffered in some way (and i wouldn't wish it on anyone) you cannot truly understand, and their patience wears down a little. I never used to tell him the full extent of how i was feeling, but since i have done, about 3 years ago (when it all flared up again) i'm not sure if i was better off trying to put on a bit of an act and getting on with things, it's so very confusing and i'm sorry i've not answered your question, just to let you know we understand and you are not alone xxx

[seh1980]

hi fluffy,

it's very hard for people who don't suffer from depression or panic attacks to trully understand what it's like. All you can do is tell him as much as you can and hope for the best..

Sarah

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

[fluffyfred]

Well, last week I was sat in the garden with him and I just came out with it, and told him everything.

He was a bit shocked as he wasn't expecting me to be so frank with him I think. A few days ago though, I was feeling really down on the anti depressants and I was stood by the window at work thinking that being on the 4th floor was very inviting at that time, but when I told Robert, he told me he didn't like me talking like that.

I told him I have to talk about it to help me through it. He's not too keen on hearing the details but he knows how important it is for me to get better.

Yesterday I came home from work early as I wasn't feeling too good again and while I was dropping off to sleep, I could hear him telling my mum how me being off work all the time is affecting our finances etc so my mum gave him a bit of a lecture about how I could be like this for a few more weeks while I'm getting used to the anti depressants and how I'll be much better once I'm used to them.

He went to a footy match and I sat with my Mum in my back yard, and was telling her exactly how I felt and how I couldn't face telling Robert. She was saying that once she'd had a talk to him, he's understood a bit more that I'm not well at the moment and to just be patient with me. I think it's helped that my Mum has talked to him.

On another note though, I would just like to say, I hate being on these tablets, I'm feeling tired all the time as I'm not sleeping well and I feel like I've got no energy or even motivation to do anything. I also feel very vulnerable, out of control like I did when I was on Citalopram so I'm more aware that I need to stay focused and that I need to fight this really hard.

I'm telling myself I'm on them for my own good and they're there just to give me a little help, kind of like holding a child's hand when they first start walking and then letting go to let them to it themselves.

Has everyone who's been on fluoxetine been like this?