Hi
I'm Tricia and this is my blurb.
I have a lot of books about Anxiety and psychology which I keep from display for obvious reasons. I thought I knew it all from reading the books. I have a maths degree and a organisational behaviour degree so it's not like I'm unable to look inwardly or logically. I visited this site many years ago when hardly anyone ever posted so never got much from it and decided to revisit it again as I was looking to see if there were any new coping skills. Anyway having read alot over the past 3 or 4 days We all seem to have read books and have an understanding of why we are what we are.
I've been left with a driving on my own phobia which I'm getting CBT for. I also get panic attacks too, but not very often anymore other than driving/public transport/interviews etc Developing a driving phobia has limited my life horribly. A once independant person relying on lifts not being able to do what I wanted to do. Socially not been able to a night class or go to the pictures on my won. Generally my life being work and housework.
In my opinon it doesn't matter whether you have lost a parent , been abused physically/emotionally, been in accident, been like this for decades etc etc they are all excuses to stop moving forward. That sounds harsher than its meant to sound, I'm talking simplisticly of course. None of it is conscious behaviour.
It started 11 years ago. My excuses were that in a 6 week period my flatmate got raped outside our flat, I had my finals that week so I couldnt go to one of my exams as I was being questioned.I got mugged at a cashpoint. I couldn't be left on my own, if my boyfriend went to the toilet I would hyperventilate at him leaving me in the room. Eventually I got better "of sorts"
As the years went by I added more hard knocks/excuses, my dad diagnosed with cancer and dying at 55, my dysfunctional relationship with my mother, my near death experience with an ectopic pregnancy. All the time fueling my inner martyr. Giving myself permission to not cope.
My flatmate that got raped is fine, 2 close friends who were abused are fine. My friends husband who has a brain tumour and her mother has bowel cancer is fine. A friend of a friend who was gang raped by 6 men is fine. None of them have anxiety. Yes they all went/going through horrible processes that people who have had trauma go through but essentially this is what they have said.
Flatmate - If he limits my life in any way he's won.
Abused - I can't let the actions of one person define my future
Friend - Whats the point in stressing when I have so little time with them as it is
Girl Gang raped - They're the sick ones not me.
They just get on with it with a completely different mindset. I have as many examples of people like me who thought negatively.
CBT has taught me to draw a line under all of my supposed "hard knocks" in life. I was thinking negatively. I'm trying very hard and succeeding to think positively. If I have a set back what can I learn from it?
I have verbal diahorea too on top of my phobia/PA
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hi and welcome to NMP
