Thought i was getting there.... HELP?

[popsy]

Hi. I havent been on here for a while....

...a year ago my world fell apart when my anxiety returned after 7 years of being well. I was put on strong anti-d's and diazepam after many many months of GAD and panic attacks i seemed to be getting back to my old self.

I felt well again for 4 months....

I had a wonderful christmas and really felt like 'me' again. Then 2 weeks ago all the horrible feelings of anxiety came back, a constant feeling of fear there all the time, this occured for no reason i could think of..... after 5 days i impoved and had an okay week, and then again this week on sunday it started up again, and i am back there now panic, fear and depression..... - again for no reason, why has this happened? Why has after all this time of working so hard to get better has this occured again? I have lost all confidence in myself again, and i also feel i have no where to turn as even my psychiatrist had discharged me saying they felt i no longer needed their services anymore as i was better.....

I need some advice, has anyone been here before?

Ive been pretending even to myself this isnt happening as admiting it makes it real, but ive come to the point now that im having to as im feeling so desperately sad and dissapointed and very very confused, i cant get my head straight about this..... Ive admitted it to my partner and he has taken it badly - very worried and anxious that i should seek help immediately, but i keep thinking "if i can just ignore it it will go away....maybe it just a blip?"

Please ANYONE help me? I feel increasingly desperate and i know people on here do understand.

Thanks so much for reading all this if you have.
Hugs Popsy x x x x x

[parisdeb]

hi popsy,

oh my!! dont these feelings creep up on you!? i have suffered the same and every time i think i have beat it it chucks a new feeling at me! what can we do???
i have tried everything and all i do now is try not to give it the power it wants, we need to go with the flow, it hasnt harmed us yet so why will it now?! (am being brave now! lol!)
being on here and seeing others going through the same s**t helps, it will pass...i promisexxx

we are all here here for youxx

parisdebxx


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[mf]

Hello Popsy

I too suffer with Anxiety/panic attacks and several years ago became so ill that i was put on anti-deps and Lorazepam, it took a while for me to feel that i could function again and have what felt like a relatively normal life, i believe that my anxiety was brought on by a series of very stressful events over a period of years.... I am no longer on meds but i still have periods where i just feel awful and getting out of bed to face the day fills me with dread, there is no obvious reason for me to feel so anxious but i do and i feel just so overwhelmed with panicky feelings and thoughts of things happening that i feel i cannot deal with, i get palpitations and for me its just the worst feeling in the world.. I do wonder if some of it is maybe hormonal, do you think its possible that that may be the case for you too?? I wish i could offer you some advice that would help but i too suffer the same and i am often searching for ways that may alleviate the way i feel.. Have you tried listening to relaxation/meditation tapes or tried any alternative therapies..

[mandie]

Hi hun

Wot is it with you and me lol

We both seem to do really well, and then bang, its back with a vegennce, and always at the same time!

You will get through it, you did last time.

Im here if you need to chat, we can be anxious together!!

love mandie x

[popsy]

Thanks for your replies parisdeb and mf, it really does help to know people understand and take the time to help - it means alot

Mandie hun - yes what are we like? I swear we were seperated at birth sometimes! Please pm, text me anytime you know im here for you.

I am just so dissapointed i really thought i cracked it this time! It makes it worse because i know how upset Dave (my partner) is about it too, he thinks that him and the kids dont make me happy and that somehow is his fault, i feel incredibly guilty on top of everything else, he himself isnt well and may have to have an operation and we are having terrible financial worries, things arent good.... if only i could be 'normal' and get a job to help out!!! Ahhh i just feel so useless.....

[alias_kev]

There are a few things that might have affected either your body or the meds. Have you altered (perhaps unconsciously after xmas) any of the following:

1. what you eat or amount (or even dieting)
2. time to bed or awake or up
3. time you take your meds
4. have you missed any doses
5. any changes around you - even just spouse at work, kids at school

As another poster said hormones might affect you too. Have you ever been given a blood test - eg thyroid - or could it be female cycle? From my uninformed (male, sorry) perspective almost any week involves a change in hormones up or down. These don't help normal people let alone the likes of us.

Hope this isn't too practical. I find I get big differences day to day but real external events can throw me a lot even mild ones.

[starlight78]

Hi Popsy,
The best bit of advice I was given is that recovery isn't a straight upward line, it will have peaks and troughs and not to panic when you have a low, its all just part of it. It sounds like you have had the most amazing period of being well, try and focus on that and accept this for what it is... a blip.. albeit a tough one.
I think everyone has good and bads days but the problem with people like us is that we cant just accept that its a bad day, we feel like its the start of a downward slope and thus we make it so, like a self fulfilling prophecy... I really try hard now to just accept when i'm feeling wobbley and see it for what it is, i find then it goes again much more quickly.

Wishing you lots of luck and happiness x

[astrolabe]

Hi Popsy. You have done it before. You WILL do it again. You are the boss. MF suggested a possible hormone link. Could be. My first panic attack happened when I was peri-menopausal and my doctor and another doctor believe it was linked to hormones. Be positive and don't empower it by worrying about it. It will go. Astrolabe. Hugs

[MOJO]

Hi Popsy!

I had really bad anxiety and panic attatcks back in November, but after a couple of weeks I felt much better then Bang! off I went again as bad as ever. This time it lasted up until last Monday when I began tofeel quite a lot better. I even had nearly a whole really good day!!! However, last night I felt horrid going to bed and could hardly sleep all night, the anxiety was gaining momentum again. Today feel a bit better but really down 'cos I thought I was on the mend and now I'm worried it's all going downhill again. I know thinking like this is probably going to make it do just that but it's so hard fighting these feelings all the time. I feel like I'm in a constant battle.
Do you not think that you have maybe answered your own question as to why your anxiety has started up again popsy? You say that your husband is not well and maybe facing an operation and that you have financial worries. I think that would be enough to start anybody being anxious. I hope you can find a way to relax a bit and begin to feel in control again.
Hope it also helps to know thart so many others on here understand what you're going through.

Judy.