Hi, my train journey is on thursday and my parents have said they will pick me up so thankfully i dont have to deal with how i feel now combined with sadness of leaving my boyfriend on my way back.
But as it gets closer, i worry more about my train journey, i had such a bad headache yesterday, hardly ate anything, and havent eaten much so far today.
Im just so scared basically. I am going to do my best at getting my anxiety to a minimum and i know that requires feeling bad until i get used to doing things more and more, but i feel this is too big. Although im sure it isnt, i just feel bad about it and feel sick.
I just wish i wasn't on my own, 'cos if i had someone i knew with me it'd be more ok, but there are strangers, and i have these visions of worry about throwing up everywhere and getting hysterical, although im sure that wont really happen. I just hate having too many people around me, although in a way its not so bad if there are some 'cos i can chat to them about alsorts, so its quite confusing.
Im just so nervous its unreal! Its even gotten so bad that i have felt like i dont love mark, my boyfriend so whats the point in going? But i know its a trick of the trade to do with anxiousness, as i have felt it before.
I worry it isn't that and that perhaps i dont care about him, therefore i wont feel safe, and ill have a panic attack.
Although at the same time his family is lovely and i will feel at home with them which will help, and it will help that i know they will be proud of me for coming and going on the train, as they know of how i feel.
As you can tell by my constant change of itll be evil then no it wont, i am a little all over the place! Sorry for any rambling, i just needed to get it off my chest and know you wont judge me for my ever changing feelings. Thanks [^] Emily XXX
Power of the mind is incredible, we got thinking negative by it, we can get out thinking positive too!
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