Feeling spacey?

[Mags01SP]

I know derealization/depersonalization happens differently in people, so I suppose I'm just seeking reassurance. I'm an 18 year old with anxiety and depression, and about three years ago I had D/P with extreme feelings of fear and anxiety. Recently I've been dealing with social anxiety, and over the past couple of days I've suddenly felt very little and my mind feels like there's not much in it. I'm not excited for anything and when I think of the future I feel disinterested and a lack of motivation.

Yesterday I started thinking of people and places not being real, and I didn't feel the fear I normally do. This concerned me; that I didn't worry! Which I guess should make me thankful, not having a nervous stomach, etc. but I keep thinking about it and I feel slightly dizzy when I'm around people and I get weird thoughts like "they're only in your head" and "this isn't real". I know this will pass, as did my worries of anxiety about meeting new friends. I just get thoughts that I'll live like this forever, a world of total make believe where my mind is making up everything.

I know D.P. is common in anxiety/depression, so will I make it through this?

[CJH86]

Hiya, ive suffered on and off with panic disorder and anxiety since aged 11...i do get derealisation quite often but generally only for a day or two at a time, i also get it during panic attacks (but have the fear sensation when this happens and its short lived).

Just after xmas i had it for 4 weeks constantly, i had the same 'nothing is real' feeling and thoughts in my head, felt absolutely robotic (no emotion at all). A strange thing was that during this time i didnt even like people speaking to me as their voices sounded 'alien'...even my boyfriend and my flat didnt seem real. Since then i feel normal again, but sometimes if im in certain places e.g. supermarkets, hospitals and trains i get the same feeling...but i find the more i think about it the worse it is as when im busy i barely notice

hope you feel better soon x

[BasilCat]

I know just what you mean CJH86, The more we think about or focus on the DP, the worse it gets, but when we are busy or our minds are focussed elsewhere we dont notice it. This is a fact for me too. Without that focus on it, its not there. The more we react to it, the longer it lingers. I have been troubled with this for 2.5 years now and I am just reaching a stage where I am not as scared of it and can do most things, even though I am not yet 100%. But the DP is getting less and I am not focussing or worrying about it as much as I was either.

Shirley

[Mags01SP]

I am not longer really afraid of my thoughts, though I do fret over the chance of me believing them and somehow going crazy. I used to panic so much over D/P and now I just kind of float through each day, unsure whether or not the people I'm speaking to really exist. It doesn't even make me sad. Some of it probably has to do with the fact that I haven't been getting as much sleep as normal. I'm hoping it will pass, though right now I keep thinking I'm convinced that nothing is real - and it seems impossible to try and tell myself otherwise, to get back to "normal".

[CJH86]

I understand exactly how you feel and when i first came on these forums i was surprised how many people were affected by the D/P.

My first feelings of unrealness where associated with the first time i experienced 'deja vu' as an 11 year old, this was what sparked off my 1st panic attack and for years as a child (an odd child blatently!) i questioned my reality so much and became very engrossed in trying to understand certain things.....and much like you was convinced nothing was real

i somewhat feel (and others may disagree entirely) that part of recovering from these feelings is accepting them and no longer being frightened by them, unpleasent as they are. I now just think to myself, whether i 'exist' or not im self aware and influence what happens around me...the feelings do go but it takes time

...also sleep deprivation amplifies them 100 fold, it can lead to depression amplified anxiety and all sorts. My doctor once told me sleep deprivation was used as a form of torture x

[BasilCat]

Hi there CJH86,

Yes I was surprised by how many people were affected by DP too. Anyway, having read many many books on the subject and having been "this way" 4 times in 30 years, I agree with you completely when you say that part of recovering from these feelings is accepting them and no longer being frightened of them. Infact I would go as far as to say that if we can accept them and not be scared of how we are feeling, then we will definitely recover. I agree again when you say that lack of sleep amplifies the feelings. I had a rough night on Wednesday and yesterday the DP was a lot worse. But over all, I think I am doing a lot better and am getting less worked up with the DP and not reacting to it as much, not trying to push it away etc. It has taken me a couple of years to reach this stage but so far so good. Have I got DP now you may be wondering? Yes I have but I am telling myself it doesnt matter and that nothing bad will happen to me because of it.
Right I must go and tidy the kitchen up I think.
Shirley

[Mags01SP]

Part of it has to do with my depression; lack of feelings and similar things. So I've been working on getting more sleep. I'm very close to accepting my derealization, and it does help. I feel better to float with it than to fight it. I'm also going back to a psychologist and maybe changing my medicine; a friend of mine who battled depression for 30 years recognized other symptoms I was having as depression, which I wouldn't have even realized if I hadn't spoken with her.