Hi all
I just wanted to share with you a success that I had yesterday!!! I managed to drive my car on my own 20 miles away from my house to the next town!!!![Yeah!] This for me is no mean feat, as I have a problem going out on my own and a HUGE fear of driving my car on my own. My first panic attack of this year was whilst driving on my own in my car!!!!
Whilst in the opticians yesterday afternoon my partner mentioned that he had booked his car in for a service. The garage we use is over the other side of the pennines 20 miles away!!! This meant that I would have to drive over there on my own to go and collect him.
So when we got back I got into my car and drove, the first leg of the journey felt fine. Then as I approached the roundabout to join the dual carriageway, terror struck. I felt, dizzy, had sweaty hands, palpitations and blurred vision. If I had my way I would have spent the next 10 minutes driving round and round the roundabout. Don't ask me how but I got myself onto the slip road and into the traffic. It was very busy on the road. Then I drove into the second lane and just kept going. I was shaking like a leaf and scared that I was going to cause an accident. Which of course I didn't. My partner was driving 20 cars behind me so I couldn't see him. He got caught up in all the traffic as it was really busy.
When I got off the dual carriageway I was very relieved and still shaky, so I found some cheesy music (a compulation my friend put together many years ago when I use to take my godson out) and away I sang, to S Club 7 and Bob the Builder!!! LOL[Oops!] I did say that it was a kiddies tape from 2000!!! This kept my mind off it and I even managed to sit at red traffice lights without getting worried that something bad was going to happen. We dropped the car off and I drove home with my partner!!!
I never thought I would be able to do it!!! I did although I think it helped that it was dropped on me at the last minute. On Sunday I have to make the same journey to pick the car up so I'll have to do one way on my own and am quite looking forward to it!!! Although it is two days away!!!!
I don't know if the St John's wort has kicked in yet, been on them for 3 weeks so perhaps that is helping me too. Made sure that I had my bach remedy and a packet of victory v's. They are like my comfy blanket!!!
I have been teaching myself deep hypnotic relaxation. So this could be helping too. Am mean't to be doing it everyday but this hasn't quite happened yet. It works on the same principles as Paul McKenna uses on his new show. Visualise a negative situation that makes you feel anxious and then visualising yourself doing that activity but in a positive attitude. Then you tune in to how you feel. Then you rewind the situation (positive one). I was a bit skeptical about it all but it seems to be making me feel less anxious than I was. It makes you feel really refreshed afterwards. It really relaxes you but you are still aware of your surroundings and noises etc... So I am going to keep on with it.
Last weekend I went down to visit my parents and for the two days actually felt like I use to. Didn't feel anxious at all. Although I was always with someone when I went out.
My next test is going to be Monday. My mum is coming up to stay and I have got to go and collect her from the station in the city!!!! This means a bus, tram and walk!!!! On my own!!!! I haven't done public transport on my own for about 6 weeks. It really does make me feel anxious!!! Does anyone have any suggestions??? At the moment I am not going to think about it as it is 4 days away!!!!!
Sorry to go on and on!!!
Take care
Nikki
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