Terrified of Smear Test Results

[MrsThomas76]

My name is Sarah and I'm 32, married but no kids yet. I've had quite a promiscuous past which I'm very, very ashamed of and deeply regret, and 18 months ago, following some fertility tests, I was told that I had a 1:200 chance of having had the chlamydia virus. I was given the appropriate antibiotics which I took, and I never gave it another thought.
The fertility tests were otherwise ok, so I assume that no long-term damage was done if I did have the virus.
But.... on Monday, I had my 3-yearly smear test done at my doctors. My last one was in November '05 and was all clear. But for some reason, this time round, my nerves are completely shattered and I have convinced myself that the smear test results will come back "abnormal".
I have been driving myself insane by reading up on cervical cancer and the HPV virus which can cause it, and I've become almost obsessed.
Reading/hearing about poor Jade Goody (who is now terminally ill with cervical cancer at just 27 yrs old) has multiplied my fear.
I seem to walk around in a daze, my mind constantly reeling with the "what if" thoughts. I look at the sky, hear the birds singing, and keep thinking, "what if this is the last time I see/hear these things?"
The worst part for me is that during my past escapades, I was in a long-term relationship and was actually cheating on my partner. We've since split and I am now married to a wonderful man whom I love dearly. But my guilt and sorrow for my mistakes overpowers me, and I've started to believe that I am going to be punished in some way... that surely I can't be allowed to "get away with it" so easily. Then I start wondering if getting cancer will be my punishment. It never ends.
It's been less than a week since my smear test, but I'm so tempted to keep ringing the doctor's surgery to ask if they have the results yet, even though deep down I know it won't be this soon.
What if I have HPV? What if I already have cervical cancer?
I am on the verge of tears 24/7, it's taking over my life and it's certainly not the first time I've been in this position, worrying about other, unrelated test results.
I have seen doctors about my anxiety and depression, I've been prescribed many different medications and seen a psychiatric nurse-come-councelor, but nothing seems to help me.
I'm at my wits end... I don't want to feel like this anymore, I'm sick of the constant fear and worry - I just want to be happy and live my life with hope instead of dread.
I just don't know what to do anymore, and to make matters worse, I now live in the USA and hubby and I can't afford health insurance, so there's no way I can afford the money to see a therapist or doctor about this problem.
Any ideas... anyone?

[amandaj]

hi where are you from origanly ,smear test results are awful to wait for, i got to admit my smear test was due a year this month but i cant go to be told something bad there. im sure all is ok if ever need to talk can always pm me
take care amandaxx

[MrsThomas76]

Hi, Amanda and thank you for replying to my post. I'm originally from the Midlands (currently a beautiful, snowy wonderland!) and am dreading returning to the Texas furnace.
Hun, even though I have pretty bad anxiety about my smear test results, one thing I can honestly say is that I'd rather know one way or another than sit wondering and trying to pretend I didn't need the test doing.
Look at what has happened to Jade Goody - if she'd followed up the letter advising her to get further treatment for abnormal cells, she may not be in the awful position she is in now.
Please, go and get your smear done.
Regardless of the worry involved waiting for the results, knowledge is power, as they say, and we're all in the same boat.
Don't risk your life by ignoring the letters asking you to go for the test.
Get it done and then you can come here for support.
Better safe than sorry, hun.
xx

[dawnt]

Hi ya,
I know how easy it is to say but please try not to worry so much. Im sure your smear test will come back as fine. Even if you should have an abnormal result it does not mean you have cancer, just early warning signs and they will treat you straight away. Poor Jade ignored abnormal results and even ignored advice to have an op, something I am sure she bitterley regrets. Please dont feel guilty or ashamed for what lies in your past, we all do things that at the present time we may not do again, but our pasts are what makes us who we are now. Just look on it that you have enjoyed your life but you are now at a different time and now see things differently, thats all, hope you get good news soon, you will be fine xxx

[amandaj]

snowy midlands is right atm , im in bucks , i will go now and have it done and im sure yours will be fine
amandaxx

[RosieXXX]

Hello,

I know it is horrible waiting, i always get in a state waiting for my smear test results. As you know smears detect any abnormality long before it becomes a problem, so the really good news is the last one you had was perfectly normal, so it is extremely unlikely anything untoward has happened between then and now. As dawnt said, the smear will pick up early warning signs, and three yearly tests are sufficient to make sure any possible slight problem can be sorted long before it becomes an issue.

[leanne1980]

H

[leanne1980]

Hi Sarah

i have just had my smear last month, the results were fine but i still worried, when i had it done i told the nurse i was worried, she asked why and i told her that im scared incase i have cancer, she told me that SMEAR tests are not cancer tests, they are to detect a change in the cells, she also said that 3 years is enough time to get the early stages of anything horrible, and woman that have regular smears wont get cervical cancer,

take care
Leanne x

[Liverbird67]

As long as you are up to date with your tests you should be ok I had an abnormal smear test a couple of years ago and was advised to have yearly ones for a while, whatever the abnormality was it righted itself so you should be fine.

Perhaps because you are anxious and worried you are letting guilt over your colourful past cloud your judgement. Remember sometimes we are the worlds worst at judging ourselves it seems to me you are letting your past and the guilt you are feeling run away with you, you cannot change the past so don't worry its not the end of the world blimey I bet a few people have things they wish they could change.

[hm1177]

what has happened to Jade is sad but very unlikely to happen to you which is why the papers are making such a big deal out of it - not good for us HA sufferers. As one of the posters said the test is to detect precancerous cells not cancer so even if your test comes back abnormal this does not mean you have cancer and you would be offered treatment to get rid of those precancerous cells. At the end of the day you will get your results back and you will get peace of mind. Easier said than done but try not to worry.