Relationships...

[amu]

I think I am ruining mine with HA. I spend most nights obsessively checking and crying/worriedly talking about cancer. Sometimes I sound objective sometimes I'm swimming in an emotional swamp, but both ways all I care about is my symptoms and cancer - sometimes I get my boyfriend freaked out as well, and more often he just brushes it off as he can't really take it anymore. Sometimes we talk about the cancer possibility then when the conversation is finished he moves onto a light subject and sounds casual, and I look at him horrified, suggesting how he can talk about something like our flat/university/work/travel etc at a time like this. I'm a wreck, but all this is because of the uncertainty - people who know they have cancer don't behave this way, neither do people who know they don't have it.

How could I save my relationship, shall I pretend everything is ok in front of the only person I can and dare talk to about how I feel???

[vastano]

Hi. I know exactly how you feel. I cant talk to my wife as she just gets stressed and tells me to go to the doctor. That is fair enough as she cant understand exactly what i am thinking and it is always cancer related. My mum is very good to speak to as she has actually had cancer and is ok now but even she gets annoyed with me as she knows i have so much to live for. I know myself how lucky i am which makes it even harder as i just want a normal life with no bad thoughts. I feel guilty now even talking to my wife or mum as it is not fair on them. The amount of worry i have kept to myself over the years and put on a brave face is frightening. I am really wasting a lot of my life away worrying so much. I think i need some other help.

[amu]

I think I need other help too, but I have discarded the idea of telling my GP as I have heard about bad experiences and I want to be taken seriously there.
I'm not sure where else I can go... apart from my boyfriend and my Mum.

[robelros]

i totally understand this amu - i feel exactly the same way. with me the big thing is cancer too, so i hear you. i so wish life wasn't like this for us. i actually give you credit, because i don't tell my boyfriend everything that i should. i kdon't think he knows the extent of my anxiety about this stuff. so i think it's great that you share that side of you with him. i don't know how you can go about "saving' the relationship but maybe if he sees you actively working to make it better (reading books, seeking therapy, etc.), maybe he'll start to understand you a little better. i don't know, though, andi'm sorry you're suffering with this, it's awful.

[Andyroo]

Hello

im sorry you are going threw such a hard time.. i can relate as im sure many people here can... My wife had a very hard time Understanding what im going threw.. it seems very hard to understand unless it happening to you... Im not going to say this is the right thing to do or even a Healthy thing to do .. but my Partner just Didnt/Dosent understand what im going threw .. ive sat down talked to her tried to get her to understand.. she just dosent.. for awhile health Anxiety was my main issues i was constanlty finding things that didnt look right or paying attention to little pains i thought shouldnt be there.. i was driving her insane i felt.... Finally decided to just keep it to myself and people who do Understand.. Thank god for NMP. ive found many sweet amazing people who i can talk to and vent on here.. its helped out so much.. if i was worried about somthing i would come here and post instead of telling my wife and having her Rollher eyes at me... that seemed like the only thing to do because she didnt understand and me panicing infront of her was just making Everything worse then what it was.. Your partner cares for you very much im sure but thease problems we have can just be so hard to understand by people who dont suffer from them there self .. maye try to work on just posting more if your worried about somthing post it here there are many nice people who will be here to confort you.. im sure there are people who can relate to the fears you have.. one of my biggest fears is Cancer.. my uncle passed away from cancer a few years ago and well that kinda scared me because now thats all i worry about.. i have many health anxiety posts on here of me worried about cancer.. even tho ive had many tests that have said im fine i still worry... ive just learned to keep it to myself and people who can understand what im going threw (ive tried numerous times to explain to my wife) ..for me it just had to be done this way. Im sorry you are going threw such a hard time.. we will always be here to suport you and we do understand what its like.. i used to worry every sec of the day it was bad ... look if you ever need to talk to me or vent or anything like that pleasesend me a private message or add my hotmail .. you can find it in my profile.. im always online and im here to help you and suport you or anyone else on thease forums in any way i can.. you are not alone! you can get threw this!.. again im just sharing you what i had to do to save my relationship.. if i didnt keep my panic and anxiety to myself when around my other half i just felt id make it worse because then i would be running around panicing and she would be stressed out and annoyed with me ..

[Trixie]

I think I am ruining mine with HA. I spend most nights obsessively checking and crying/worriedly talking about cancer. Sometimes I sound objective sometimes I'm swimming in an emotional swamp, but both ways all I care about is my symptoms and cancer - sometimes I get my boyfriend freaked out as well, and more often he just brushes it off as he can't really take it anymore. Sometimes we talk about the cancer possibility then when the conversation is finished he moves onto a light subject and sounds casual, and I look at him horrified, suggesting how he can talk about something like our flat/university/work/travel etc at a time like this. I'm a wreck, but all this is because of the uncertainty - people who know they have cancer don't behave this way, neither do people who know they don't have it.

How could I save my relationship, shall I pretend everything is ok in front of the only person I can and dare talk to about how I feel???

You are right I know several people who had cancer and never talked about it not that they were burying their head in the sand but because they other things to think about.

My father had cancer of the lung and hardly ever mentioned it as he had more interesting things to talk about.

I have a B T and I don't talk about it all the time I am too busy doing other nice things.

Please try and get this cancer obsession out of your head and enjoy life. People do get fed up of hearing the same old thing all the time (I know I went through something similar with someone I know and people avoided her like a plague victim). She couldn't help it and thank goodness she is over it and looks back on that episode and laughs.

I know you cannot help the way you feel but only you can change that.

[CJH86]

Hiya i know what you are going through i recently had a really bad episode of anxiety for a month or so which resulted in me being housebound, having panic attacks for hours and being completely obsessed by symptoms....i couldnt even talk to my boyfriend about anything because my head was so swamped.

This was all a bad experience for him, as we live together now and id preveiously been able to hide it completely (also i hadnt been this bad since before i met him). He couldnt understand and quite frankly thought i was a bit nuts BUT he resented me more for not telling him what was wrong at the start (he thought it was him) and now my relationship is breaking down infront of my eyes....he couldnt cope with the fact i completely snapped/changed for no apparent reason, probably coz i bottled all these problems up and didnt confront them earlier (even though im back to normalish now). Id never suggest hiding it, its a rational kind of anxiety....and something that should go over time x

[amu]

I can completely imagine your situation, as I also hide my anxiety the best I can from the rest of the world. My boyfriend knows as we were already living together when my anxiety turned for the worse, but he is helpless, as I would be. If I had to hide it from him I would probably go crazy as there would be no one for me to talk to about this (my Mum, the only other person who knows, lives far away).
But if I don't hide it, our relationship will fall apart