OBSESSIVE worrying or something else...

[kid a]

Hey folks.

Just thought I'd pick your brains and wonder if anyone else has this. About 7 years ago, a few things started to stress me out and pretty quickly, I began to worry about everything. I didn't worry about getting a job, or my health or whatever, about small things. About how much it would cost to send a cd to a friend, how I go about it, what are the delivery options. I'd then worry about this for 5 or 10 minutes, even whilst I was doing something else, and then start 5 minutes later with something else, as silly as whether I should keep my deodrants on the drawer or in the drawer.

Anyway, it began to develop and the upshot was feeling that everything was too much and I took to my bed.

I've been fine for ages and after another period of stress this year, I've started to think this way again and am desperately trying to fight it. I'm seeing a therapist which is good and I'm beginning to understand why, that I think I have to do everything myself and that people will more often than not help you with a problem if you ask.

It's still very draining though. I'll see somebody on a mobile on the tv and start to think, "i've got a pay as you go mobile, what happens if i break down and i have no credit" and start to obsess, or hear someone organise something on the phone and start to wonder where they kept that number, and where they would write the time down and what happens if they lose the calender.... It's completely illogical!

The frustrating thing is I know the answer to all my worries and have been fine for the best part of 5 years, just living, dealing with problems and having a good time.

Sorry to ramble

[kairen]

Hi Kida,

Reading yr post was like readin my diary of a few years ago, anything would set me off then it went from one thing to another. I think everyone has these thoughts but some people can think it, then forget it, where as we dwell on them,

I dont do this as much now, as soon as i get one of those thoughts now i can stop it, its hard but i can do it so you will get there, it's taken me a long time, but i feel better than i have in years,

kairen x

[EmmaJane]

Hi Kid a, I can relate to what your saying, I also have health anxiety and worry about illness. Well I worry about everything really. Altohugh Im not so bad now.

They do say put an elastic band around your wrist and when the obessive thought or irrational thinking comes into your head, flick the band and tell yourself to stop.

Also, you could allow yourself 10 minutes or so a day to think about your worries, and try to rationalise them. Again if they come into your head at any other time apart from your worry time, tell yourself you will think about it later.

You also have relaxation or meditation cds, that may help take your mind off your thoughts.

I feel you need to think about your worries, so you can rationalise them, and see if they are worth worrying about, but set aside some time each day for them. Hopefully in time you you will pass your time slot and not have your worries so much.



Feel free to PM me, if you want to talk.

Emma xx

Keep focused, keep positive.

[stimpy]

Hi Kid

It sounds to me ( and I have no idea what I am talking about as anyone here can tell you ...) that your mind is over compensating for something.
Whether that something be concious or subconcious.

A while ago my mum died and I found it very hard to deal with.
So I became very wrapped up in the whole thing.
I wanted to sue the hospital for wrongful diagnosis.
I wanted to call her own GP and demand to know why she was not taken straight in to hopsital when she complained of a swollen leg and ankle.
I wanted to know exactly how she died and why didn't someone do something to stop it.

But what I really NEEDED to do was grieve and move forward.
To stop blaming everyone, including myself and face the fact there was nothing anyone, anywhere who could have done more than we did.
To face the reality that my mum had gone and the whole thing wasn't some dreadful, horrible mistake, that somehow they had mistaken her for someone else.

Now this may not be the case for you, but you see what I am getting at.
Sometimes there is something bothering us and we know what that is.
Sometimes there is something bothering us and we have no idea what it is. So we find things to obsessively worry about.

"I can't go out yet because my nail varnish is the wrong colour and doesn't match what I am wearing."

So I guess the key is to find out what is bothering you and causing you to over think about everything no matter how trivial.

I hope that made sense !

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

[Sue K with 5]

Hi Stimpy

do you know what you said makes a lot of sense, But I think when your issues have gone on for so long, you are scared to face up to what is really scarying you and you allow yourself to be taken in my the other fears to compensate and to stop you from really facing the true reality.

I have been trying to work out where and when my agoraphobia started and what my real fear really is and although it is so painful, I am actually discovering things that scare me


Well done though for pointing this out I am so glad you have posted this


Thank you


sue with 5

scknight

[kid a]

Stimpy, that does make a lot of sense.

I know i desperately crave security in my life, and have never really had it as my jobs have been agency, and whilst at uni, I was constantly moving around. I suppose that is also related to why I need things to be very ordered.

I sort of know of what is bothering me but articulating it is a bit of a problem.

I was meant to move out last year but couldn't afford a one bedroom flat and so started to worry about a flatshare as all my friends were already housed and i guess it would mean not being in control. I was able to move in with strangers at uni as we were all in the same boat, all new together.

Rather than continue looking, I resigned myself to the fact that I would have to stay where I was, and then quickly started getting depressed and obsessing about things.

If I had found a great flatshare with great people, and then one person moved out, I guess I would be in the same situation again and I guess that's what scares me. It's kind of bridging the gap between being independent and working with people/ getting help.

Does that make sense? I wish I could identify the problem in a sentence because I'm sure waffle disguises the issue here...

[leo05]

hi yeah i seem to worry about the little things as my mind never switches off

[Meg]

Kid a

As Liz says one way worry creeps in, is if there is something big you're not dealing with and the other way is if there has been a real stessor which has now passed and you have too much free thinking time and to keep yourself ticking over your mind learns to sweat the small stuff and to fret- which can then grow and grow.


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[sal]

It is perfectly normal to worry how you are when suffering from anxiety and i know how we live and go through it but it torture us. Its learning to not let it get the better of us and i for one failed at that and let it but in time i got the strength to fight it. I still struggle but i appreciate the good days and i am sure you know that they come round for you and we are all here to help you through this.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[kid a]

Thanks for the replies.

Not a big fan of self help books but Diana Cooper's Light up your life has helped me, and is still helping me come to a few realisations.

If I have to say no to somebody, I automatically get very defensive and apologetic, and I know I allow myself to be manipulated by people as they recognise this. I act the victim and ultimately,it's in my control. Assertiveness would have been effective but I tend to think that I'm in the wrong and so have to justify myself and get very anxious. Other people latch onto this and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

The book suggests that thoughts turn into actions, and its the result of the actions that determine wheteher the thought processes change.

For instance, I was worried about moving and thought it was the most difficult thing, that I would fail, I couldn't see a way round it and thought it would take months of planning. Rather than what was in effect, making one phone call to a letting agent, viewing a room and then moving the week after, I started the months of planning...

buying up things i thought i might need for the new place, over weeks, worrying about how my life would be different in the new place, visiting the area and working out where my local would be, the routes i might take... then phoning the agency, going down, seeing a nice place and leaving my decision for a week, then faxing not phoning, then emailing, then finally phoning and the place was gone.

The point is, the actual reality was simple, one phone call: sorted. Move in, worry gone. But I made it difficult and that re-enforced by thoughts, that moving IS difficult.

Anyway, I kind of "clicked over" in April to a state of perpetual anxiety and depression, unable to move forward, as if I need a reason why things are better. You know the feeling you get when you're about to take your driving test or sit an exam? It disappears when the event goes, I'm still in that state unfortunately, and have been for a while. I'm getting there...[B)]