Struggling?

[befuddled1]

I don't know how to explain what feels wrong at the moment but I do feel I'd like some support.
I've got some OCD type thought-behaviours, intrusive thoughts and general over-awareness of the possibility and uncertainty of death. In fact some superstitious/OCD part of me tells me not to write this in case in admitting it I bring on something terrible. Last week, unexpectedly, after being admitted to hospital with stomach pains I had an operation (something tells me I shouldn't make any complaint, it all went well and yet I'm still a bit worried something horrible might be found). Anyway, it's stressed me out quite a lot. Having to allow self to have general anaesthetic when a big part of me was saying no. Spending over a week in the presence of other people all the time when I very much as someone who needs time completely alone. It's bought up issues and part of me says this is it - now's the time for change and to address these issues, while another part just wants to feel normal and reassured that I'm still myself.
Basically, I don't know what my main issue is at the moment but I need to express some of the bad feeling and I have no one to express it to so I hoped it might help to post here. I feel like there's stuff going on within me and I don't know whether I should try and get help to deal with it, or am I just making a fuss? Anyone would feel a bit odd after having an unexpected op, what makes me so different? But my over-awareness of death has returned and I'm trying to fight it off but I don't know if I should tell anyone or just get on and hope for the best. Is it a bit of a hopeless cause or is there, somewhere, somehow, some way of addressing this? I keep worrying there's something wrong with my heart and waking up with arms aching. I can't think ahead too far and every now and then I remember I will have a phonecall from the hospital in a couple of weeks and get worried they might have found something awful, though I think they kinda said it was highly unlikely, I think, sort of.... (yet I have trouble saying that because of OCD/superstitious type ideas creeping in, if you know what I mean......errrrrrrrrr).
Sorry, I've not explained myself very well but basically I'm struggling and I don't know if I should just put up with it until I feel better or is there some other way to address the long term issues I have (fear of death etc) and stop them from having such an impact on my life. I can't cope with some of my thoughts at the moment, or maybe I can, I don't want to make a fuss when I could be in a far worse position...argh....

[minihaha]

hiya, just wanted to reply to say that from reading your post it sounds like you have been through the mill of late, health wise and had to deal head on with major issues that trouble you in general...ie, having general anaesthetic etc and staying on the ward whilst healing post op. So its little wonder that you are plagued with anxiety and analysing every little detail...you have had to do something without choice and at short notice that you would otherwise not been comfortable doing.
Give yourself some time to adjust and take stock after what you have been through - it sounds like you had no time to prepare for it and maybe you are having some post trauma stress maybe. but for what its worth i would say that from what you have written, you are coping pretty well with it and you have expressed your worries very well and it makes perfect sense when i was reading how you are feeling right now. Sounds like you are a very resourceful and strong person in terms of character but you have had a slight setback in that you have been thrown way out of your comfort zone - but you've coped , always remember that xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I wish you speedy recovery, both physically and emotionally, you sound like you are doing very well -dont let anxiety take over - you are doing great xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[befuddled1]

Thank you very much minihaha, you put that very well and I will take on board what you have said. It makes a lot of sense I think. xx

[Patty]

Hi Befuddled1,

Sending you


Like Minihaha says you are doing so well for having been through so much.

Best wishes xx