For BILL

[june]

Hi Bill - I mistook 'older' for 'wiser' your wisdom it seems knows no bounds.
I decided to pop over the road to the florists to buy a large bunch of freesias. When I got back I handed them each a flower for their desks.
I did a sociology course, a while ago and it told about how hard things were for people - hardship, worry, ragged children etc and then said how Mrs Cadbury (of the famous Cadbury factory) would remember the female worker's birthdays and on their day she would give them a rose.
I laughed at the mixed reception this information got.
From the "what use was a rose when you were hungry?" to the deeper meening of
"how treasured that woman felt that Mrs Cadbury would think of them"
Similar in a way to your analogy of the woman and the safe - you have to have a heart to see how much this rose meant to a woman who through drudgery felt she was losing her feminity. Sentimental twaddle?? I don't think so!!!!
All my best wishes to you Bill
June

[mick_uk]

Hiya Bill
Nothing wrong with being 'old fashioned' Bill.
It has quite a lot of merit to it. 'New fashioned' isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Take care

mick

[Bill]

Maybe you're just as old fashioned as me Mick! I feel I belong in Mrs. Cadbury's era. Life was simple in those days - every day just meant a battle for survival! Life feels too isolated, too aggressive and too complicated these days, and so often I just feel I don't belong.

One of my favourite books/films is The Time Machine by HG Wells. The time traveller travels years into the future to find an uncomplicated simple world (once he's defeated the underground cannibalistic race! lol) where he falls in love with a "gentle" woman and together they share an uncomplicated life in utopia. Yes, I know it's only a fantasy story but that's where I tend to live every day - in my dreams away from the cold hard reality of this modern world. Yep, I'm a romanticist rather than a realist!...maybe that's why I feel I don't belong in this world or this era.

[Oceanblue]

Maybe you're just as old fashioned as me Mick! I feel I belong in Mrs. Cadbury's era. Life was simple in those days - every day just meant a battle for survival! Life feels too isolated, too aggressive and too complicated these days, and so often I just feel I don't belong.

One of my favourite books/films is The Time Machine by HG Wells. The time traveller travels years into the future to find an uncomplicated simple world (once he's defeated the underground cannibalistic race! lol) where he falls in love with a "gentle" woman and together they share an uncomplicated life in utopia. Yes, I know it's only a fantasy story but that's where I tend to live every day - in my dreams away from the cold hard reality of this modern world. Yep, I'm a romanticist rather than a realist!...maybe that's why I feel I don't belong in this world or this era.

Hi Bill,

I hope you don't mind me writing here because I have been away for awhile and I felt the need to reply.

Having read many of your posts you have mentioned the same things over and over and that is your perception of the world, the modern world being cold and harsh and that you state that you don't belong here.

What's stopping you from living your dreams?

Since a kid, I used to be a bit of a hippie (New Age lol), I also thought I didn't belong. I used to protest against cruelty to animals, environmental issues, whale killing,... I wanted to save everything on the planet !
I used to become so depressed,.. so deeply depressed when things became out of reach and knowing how powerless I was not to be able to stop this insanity from continuing filled me with sadness and anger.

Worst still, was knowing that somethings around were being torn apart or killed every second and this used to totally devastate me. It caused me huge anxiety issues and panic, because everything seemed to rely on time, things had to be done quickly before it became even more out of control, I then started to become obsessed with time. Soon, everything became way too fast and I couldn't handle it anymore.

People can only take so much and with myself being so sensitive about these issues aswell as the traumatic things happening in my own personal life I couldn't take it any longer, this as you already know lead to a major breakdown.

It's strange because since then, I've managed to step back and walk into a new kind of life. Picking myself up hasn't been easy but it's certainly been a breath of fresh air and looking at life around me now seems very different and really not as dark as I once thought. Yes, sad things are happening and I do my little bit here and there, but I no longer think I can help the entire world and have stopped trying to be Superwoman, without feeling guilty. I've walked out of that state of deep depression and have managed to move on and instead have started to fill my life up with happy things and working on a healthy balance, and you can do this too.

I only know you from what you've written here on the Site Bill and so can only comment on how I feel.

I hope I won't offend you in anyway and so I'm trying to write carefully, but I feel you're becoming more and more depressed and that you're spending far too much time in your own mind.

Hell,.. I know depression and it's like a monster eating away at you, it's a horrible feeling and so I do also understand that it seems nearly impossible for it to clear, but it does, it does pass.

Focus on your dreams and make them possible. We subconciously train our minds into negativity, we can also turn it around.

Start with baby steps,.. something little which is new to you, something different for you maybe ? Plan your days, it helps and then progress from there. I feel you really can't go on living everyday with these continous thoughts spiraling around inside your mind, this isn't good for anyone.

You're stronger than you think Bill, you'll soon be back up and running, you just have to try and make that first step.

Wishing you well x

[Bill]

Of course you Never offend me Sweet Katie

You have wisdom beyond your tender years and everything you've said is right. Maybe I'm just overtired and my feelings are a symptom of feeling trapped Katie. Things have just knocked my confidence and got me down lately.

I do tend to live alot in my mind because I spend alot of my time alone or feeling alone and I don't like to offload on others even though I know I shouldn't bottle things so I tend to offload those feelings in my posts which is why you probably hear things over and over but I know people have experienced far worse things than me to so I shouldn't moan really.

What's stopping you from living your dreams? A whole combination of things which I don't think anyone can really help me with dear Katie because alot of the problems are of my own making or beyond my control which only time may heal. As you say though, I normally get back up and running given time.

Thank you for caring sweet Katie.

[PUGLETMUM]

hi bill, im afraid i agree with katy - i say afraid because her opinion of your life and how you feel is more challenging to you bill - we are saying 'you are clearly depressed bill, but you dont have to stay like that'!!!! thats hard for you to take because you have to acknowledge something that although it is causing you great pain, also seems insurmountable?

you say you live in your mind alot? right well this is the problem bill - there are good ppl out there bill in the mental health field who have been studying depression for decades, and they know that this being in your mind is closely linked with rumination which is a major symptom of depression and also a major cause of it!

by being in your mind bill you are not in the here and now - which is all we have - the here and now can be painful bill, but you can cope with it bill, you dont have to be off with the fairies - which isnt real and never will be real - and all the while there is life and opportunities passing you by - i still beleive that you can be committed to your wife and still be happy your self? i dont think it is a lose lose situation - i think you are depressed because you are lonely and you want love and affection from a woman other than your wife, but you cant and wont leave her? if that is the case and that situation is causing you stress and misery, but there is no way of leaving - then you have to take direct action to make you happier and to find that situation easier to cope with - again i want to bring you to mindfulness bill - i wont let you forget it until you have atleast given it a go! i hope also that what i have said hasnt upset you - but sometimes we need our friends to tell it to us straight, we cant always see our own situations as clearly as we can see others and that is a fact!!!! bill all of your friends on nmp want and need you to get well, we want to see a kind and caring man be happy and fulfilled in life - nobody is saying you cant care for others bill, but how long are you going to remain in this unhappiness, why is that okay for you to be so unhappy? you wouldnt want that for anyone else so why is it okay for you to suffer - you have never done anything wrong in your life as far as i can see for you to have to accept being so miserable - we only get one short life bill, surely you dont want to live it all so unhappilly? as always all my love and thoughts are with you

[Oceanblue]

[quote=Bill;479924]
Maybe I'm just overtired and my feelings are a symptom of feeling trapped Katie.

This has shown through your posts for quite afew months now and I too believe that time is the very best healer, but I also feel you need to start taking small positive steps. Like I mentioned before, something small each day, something new / different from your ususal daily routine to be able to start to begin to break this chain.

It has to be broken somewhere, your mind needs fresh thoughts to be able to do this. It's hard, very hard and most days no doubt you won't be feeling up to it, but this I feel is where just baby steps are needed to be taken for you to start to get past this.

Your dreams will soon follow, once you start to become stronger. You will get out of this trapped feeling, but the only way is to start taking some action. Introduce new things in your life, maybe taking a walk somewhere different. Take your dog to a new park, alter your surroundings and find a new hobbie. Sleep well, eat well and be kind to yourself.

You feel that things are beyond your control because you're stuck in this depression and constant negative thinking, but you will gain this confidence back again and this WILL pass.. believe me, you WILL feel in control of your life again.

[Oceanblue]

Both Emmas and I were posting at the same time, it seems our thoughts are pretty much the same.

I hope you're able to start taking some sort of action. Whether you decide to do this on your own or with the help from professionals. Life is far too short and precious, please help yourself to get better x

[Jaco45er]

Bill my man

Keep positive chap, it will come.

I am just wishing you well mate, I will leave all the armchair psychiatry to others

Be well fella.

Jaco

[tracy.splosh]

Dearest Bill

You ok my "new" friend.?

You have gone abit quiet....is everything alright.

Love Tracy x x x x