Please help - Citalopram and some frightening symptoms

[Logan_Five]

Poet - am reading through this thread, though it's a long haul! Currently up to page 25 and I hope to finish it off over the next few days. It's making for good reading and offering insight into how anxiety can be managed and beaten. It's certainly given me some food for thought and I think it's time to get back in touch with my local MIND. I worked for them as a volunteer a few years ago (helped out at their drop-ins) - but this time, it'll be as a service user. I'll give them a ring on Monday morning to see what the craic is, as I know they have moved from where they used to be based.

Dealing and living with anxiety can be terribly isolating at times and it's part of this (for me) which is driving the problem amongst other things. This is as ill as I've been in 4/5 years, indeed it's 2 years since my last 'bout' (which followed my wife's 2nd miscarriage), but that only lasted for a week or so. This time, it's been 6/7 weeks now and I'm concerned that it could be a while yet before I get back on a reasonable level.

[NoPoet]

After a relatively quiet few weeks on the problem front, everything seems to be kicking off at once. I have a lot of trouble with the opposite sex, not at being friends with them, but when it comes to romantic relationships. Something starts to go wrong.

I find a kind of darkness inside me when it comes to the opposite sex. I find myself marginalised by them yet expected to treat them like royalty, even though they wouldn't spit on me if I set my hair on fire. That train of thinking brings me into a dark, angry place, not exactly depression but a kind of bitterness, almost a rage.

Anyone who's been following my progress this year will know there have been a couple of times I lost the plot due to relationship issues. What I never explained was the thoughts that go through my head: I want to make people feel as bad as I do, I want to treat them the way people have treated me.

This way of thinking is poisonous to me, it goes against everything I believe in and everything I want for the world.

I guess it's a reaction to being hurt and I will discuss this urgently with my therapist tomorrow. I want to move on and be happy. I have a reputation for severe bad luck when it comes to women. My mates regularly laugh - not unkindly by the way - about my history of women, and the last few months have certainly not proved them wrong. (It must be bad, cos they have actually stopped laughing.)

I get led down the garden path because I believe promises that turn out to be lies. I can see why my namesake accepted Eve's offer in the Garden of Eden: he wanted to believe that he was being offered something wonderful, and he was blind to the bargain that was really being made.

Well anyway, hopefully I can offload some of this on Chris the magic therapist so I can knock this chip off my shoulder.

[NoPoet]

Had a review with my therapist today. He was pleased that I have taken so well to the 30mg dose of citalopram. He asked what the difference is between 20 and 30mg and I told him:

* Far fewer negative thoughts; more time spent engaged in happy thoughts or doing hobbies.
* Feelings of nervousness and creeping fear have been reduced to zero. (This is the best thing.)
* When negative moods occur, they don't last as long and do not seem as severe.

This lets me actually THINK about some of the root causes of my problems and I'll discuss these in another post. The point is, increasing my dose has brought significant benefits. It is clear that citalopram DOES work for me, I just needed a higher dose.

We discussed other problems such as anger and relationships (which are closely tied). He said if he'd been treated the way I get treated, he would want to knock someone's head off too. (My therapist rocks!) We agreed that I get involved in these situations because the type of woman I go for. He provided some useful advice that I doubt in all honesty I'll be able to follow, but I will try.

In other news my ex girlfriend is trying to get back into my life! But she seems to be on her best behaviour. I guess it's better to be messed around by the devil you know?

[Logan_Five]

Poet - don't know about the history with your ex, but if there's been bother in the past then perhaps some sleeping dogs are best left to lie (if you know what I mean!) Glad the extra Citalopram is working for you and has got you back on the up again. I've had a better couple of days, with the anxiety greatly reduced, so am probably going to postpone going back to see my GP until after Xmas. As ever, it's all about small steps and not taking on too much, too soon. That will come in the New Year, but first I want to enjoy the holiday weekend as best I can.

If I can be of any assistance to you, feel free to drop me a pm.

[NoPoet]

Anxiety and Depression as a habit

I find that I go for long periods without feeling rough, particularly now I am on 30mg. Sometimes I feel a "shock" of panic or anxiety or maybe depression and it settles over me for a while until I either deal with it or distract myself somehow.

Mostly though, my anxiety and/or feelings of depression return when I THINK about them.

THINKING about them (even if it's just to say "I haven't felt depressed all day") is the major trigger.

I've commented on this a few times and am still no closer to solving the problem. My therapist says that it's good that I sometimes expose myself to the negative thoughts with the intention of dealing with them. But at this stage thinking about them makes me recoil and causes me to feel distressed.

There is still a long way to go before the tide turns, and negative thinking is the major problem. It's like I'm locked in World War 2: I may have battered the Italians into submission, but their German mates have arrived to make me fight for every inch of ground.

[Lion King]

Keep Strong Poet,

Challenge your fears, you need to learn by them! They can only make you stronger if you learn from the negatives and adopt a positive outlook!

Hope you well and have a godd xmas

LK

[fozzy is crying]

Yo must talk to your GP immediately about this. if out of hourrs ing th DOPs ot of hourrs sdevice or NHS Direct. Do not take none professional advice do as I sugest as immediate help on these effects needs to be addressed b Doctors .Citalopram side effect must be immediately advised to you by Doctor

Gordon.

[NoPoet]

Cheers mate but I started this thread nine months ago, the side effects in the first post are long gone

I'm gonna put a disclaimer in the first post

Well, it's Christmas Eve, and what a tragic year this has been! This time last year I was on top of the world with no stress, no worries, admittedly no job but tons of money in the bank. The future was mine.

So what has 2009 brought? Anxiety. Depression. Death. Despair. And also hope, friendship, romance, the car of my dreams and an inner core of faith and strength that protect me from the worst life has to offer.

On the bad side I've been to four funerals (two cancer, one road accident, one murder victim) and in the latter part of the year I went through hell with relationship issues. I think I am tottering on the verge of never trusting a woman again. I'm even thinking of starting a new thread about relationship issues, see if we can't all chip in and help each other to overcome these problems. Maybe we can clear up a few misconceptions which the genders have about each other.

On the plus side my creative side exploded to life around the time I met Caroline. I became Yorkshire's best lover (hehe) and I totally dominated a writing website with a barrage of sci-fi whose renown is starting to spread without me having to do any advertising.

This was the year I grew up, because this was the year I faced the reality of human existence. God I could write a book about what I have learned.

Well I intend to share this knowledge with NMP as soon as I find a way to get it across.

In the meantime, Merry Christmas everyone, it's our first NMP Christmas!!!

[NoPoet]

What an excellent day! Merry Christmas everyone! I got everything I asked for and loads more, and best of all I got my Viz annual and my brand new Jeremy Clarkson DVD!!

I've been at my sister's all day stuffing my face. I was reading her Jack The Ripper: Letters From Hell book and generally chilling out.

I am in the process of arranging meetings with a few friends from NMP. It will be nice to get out into the world for a while and have fun.

This time last year I knew almost nobody outside my family. This year I have been sending thousands of texts per month and am in regular contact with quite a few people, many of them new players in the great game of life who I met through NMP.

There are plenty of lessons to learn in the New Year and frankly I welcome them. There's plenty about this year that I want to put behind me. Next year I will try to find a decent woman to share my life with (I know there are still some out there!) and finally get rid of the bitterness that has been lurking in my heart for the last ten years.

Let's see what happens!

[smudger]

Hi, Ive used citalopram for 2.5 yrs until 2 weeks ago (Im on mirtazaprine now). I regularly used ibuprofen with citalopram with no side effects from mixing the two. Your reaction sounds like you have reacted to the citalopram to me (though Im no expert). As long as you are not feeling in any danger of harming yourself or finding the side effects unbearable I would persevere for a couple of weeks. Doctors annoy me sometimes when they make cart blanch claims about how drugs affect people. We all react differently to drugs. There are no set rules. My drugs are causing me hellish side effects at the moment but Im in no deadly danger and neither are those around me so Im going to persevere at least for a few weeks more and adjust my lifestyle and lifes demands temporarily til things settle. Recognise the depths of your side effects, be realistic. What may be bearable to me, may not to you, dont let your doctor oversimplify things and if you really really cant bear it, tell your Doctor. There are plenty of alternatives out there each with their own side effects.Rest assured, you arent alone and make sure there is somebody around you to keep an eye on you if you can if the side effect scare you that much. I wish u all the best.