Diane07, our esteemed mod in chat told me to put my story here..so I daren't ignore her!
This week, I have been across our local park, well common actually, to go to Sainsburys. managed it although it was horrible.
Got loads of support from the folks on here both before and after the journey.
I wasn't able to get out for a few days after this, mainly because I have been suffering from severe oedema (swelling) on my feet and ankles. I couldn't even get my trainers on and that fact coupled with the leftover nerves I had from Monday's journey meant I stayed at home.
But after a conversation I had with someone here (you know who you are!) I made an appointment at the docs for Friday.
This is actually a big deal for me because I have a mistrust of the medical profession when it comes to my own health.
On Friday..drum roll...I left my house and walked to the doctors. 15 mins away. ALONE. Yes, I did stop along the way and sweat and curse under my breath, yes, I did wish myself anywhere but there..but I knew I wasn't truning back, not even when the panicky voices in my head kicked in.."breath slowly..distract yourself..don't distract yourself, deal with how you feel..float don't fight"..you get the picture. Brain overload.
Funnily enough, I didn't collapse, my legs did carry me and I sat in that surgery in disbelief. Did I just really do that journey? Damned right I did
And then I did it home again. It was great, going home. No urgency and being able to stop and look around..priceless.
I went out again later and got a bit wobbly but it was ok, went out shopping with my daughter.
I don't follow anyone's method, don't have help from the Gp (I know, I know
What has helped me is knowing that so many people care about me..they have never met me but that doesn't matter, they will still support me whether it's here on the forum or in the chatroom.
I know there is mixed opinion on whether it is counter-productive to ask for reassurance from other anxiety sufferers, nah, I don't think so.
From your advice, support and care for me, I have gained strength. Your words have given me strength to carry on when my problems seem unsolvable, your friendship has seen me through moments when I could quite easily have given up.
When I'm out there facing my fear, even though I have never met you, it's your voices I can hear in my head...telling me to keep practising, not give up, reminding me that the fear isn't out there in a particular place, it's in my own head.
Thanks
PS. Will that do Di?
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I know just how it fells when you are happy to be halfway there and the panic kicks in shouting "go home go back" it is so hard to ignore those voices.
