Hiya,
As you may or may not know, ive been feeling really good lately since my house move etc.
Well my family have been planing to go away all together this year, but my finace and i decided not to go because right now with my anxiety, i wouldnt cope of a flight or anything.
They wre originally going to go on a cruise but that fell through so they fly today at 12 to cyprus for 2 weeks. its my mum dad 2 sisters brother 2 brother in laws , niece and 2 nephews who are going.
Last nite i nearly had a panic attack but managed to control it. I felt extremly low again and very tearful. I though i would wake more postive today but i avnt.
I feel extreamly down - this will be the first time since my depresison started that ive been without my family and it is panicjing me . I know i have my fiance but i just feel so sad that i wont be able to talk to my mum and dad . Im also feelin very negative and worrying very much about the flight and if they'll be ok over there etc etc.
Im feeling really low today and stil panicking - i havent got any motivation , i havnt even got dressed and just want to sleep.
My fiance is off work tomorrow and then has 2 weeks off from this friday so i wont be alone.
I just feel sad that we are not going away and im just full of worry that somthing bad may happen and i am not there. Its like my big safety net has gone and its scared me.
I know i probably sound stupid but i just needed to write it down and get it out of my system.
My finace mum and sister have just been knocking n the door - he got them to come round as a surprise but i couldnt bring myself to answer the door as i wasnt dressed and was in tears - i now feel guilty about this.
I realy have got myself into a state - my finace is coming home to be with me in a litlle while.
I didnt think i would feel like this.
Tatty B xx