Hi, my name is Nicola and I am a mother of 3 and 31 years old. I have suffered from panic attacks/agoraphobia since August 1997. To be honest, I had never heard of PA's, and thought that I was going mad and would be locked up in the beginning. My children were only aged 5, 1 and 9 months when they began. My main symptom in the beginning was diarrhoea. My stomach would go over and over, and the fear of having an upset stomach in public was just too much, so I stayed home...safe and sound. I wouldn't even go out into my back garden. A psychiatric nurse was sent to see me and after a few visits, because I had managed on one occasion to walk to my son's school to pick him up (with my partner at my side), I was told, 'great, keep doing what you're doing, I'm discharging you'! So began the long and very lonely road to date. I have a wonderful partner (who gave up work because I was so ill with PA's) who has been a rock to me(He return to work in June 1998). During 1998 and 2002 I made real progress, I had no problems taking the kids to school, would go to parent evenings on my own, traveled to the town centre on buses, went to an interview and training when I got the job but I didn't know that the stresses were starting to build and that the 'monster' would visit again, only this time it felt so much worse because I had begun to taste freedom once again. We had new windows put in our home in the summer of 2002, and had a lot of problems with them, resulting in many visits from the workmen, my cat (I know this one will sound really silly but...), who was 9, was hit by a car in front of my son. He ran off leaving me thinking the worse. He came back 2 days later, fortunately with only minor injuries, Then my dad suffered a minor stroke. Two days later my partner had to go and work away for a night, I had never had any problems before with being on my own in my house but that night I had a Panic Attack with new symptoms. I couldn't breath. I had to phone him and ask him to come home. Then began the attacks of fear of being on my own, that I could breath. 2003 has been a total nightmare for me I have taken so many steps back in to the monster, that I am angry with myself. I have made a decision that 2004 is my year for finally laying this to rest. I know it is going to be hard because you have to learn all over again, but I know I have trood this road before and that all of my worst fears have never come true. It's time to start living and that is what I intend to do. Christmas has been a total nightmare, with pressure from family to do what they want, or think you should do. Christmas night I think I had one of the worst panics ever, but I am still here and today I found this site and have decided to put into words some of what my fears, worries and what my life has been like to date. So heres to a good diet, excercise and positive thinking in 2004.