Self Esteem & Confidence Issues

[tattybear]

Hi - Not sure if im posting this in the right section or not...!

Ive always suffered with low self esteem and confidence issues - This I think is manly due to my High School days and the 'popular' people looking down on you and treating you like Poo!

I'm constantly told nice things from my fiance, friends & family, but I cant really take compliments and really put myself down.

I know this is a major issue in my head and I think if I can work on it that it will do me good.

This is why I find it hard to relax and truly be myself around some people as I really do feel inferior.

Im just wondering if anyone has any good advice on how to combat this? any books, websites, etc etc that may have helped them at all?

Any help would really be appreciated.
Thanks

Tatty B xx

[kirgray]

Hi Tatty!

My god Ive been wandering about this aswell its my main issue!, coz like yourself the put down and remarks people can give you throughout the years you can start believing them, I find it terribly hard to receive a compliment I think god stop lying to me.... I'll say oh no ive got spots or my bum looks big!!! I was looking into confidence classes Tatty my college does them would be v. scary but I need something to help me!!let me know if you hear of anything else chucks X

[tattybear]

Hi Nigel,

Thanks for your input it is appreciated & I'll definatly look into it.

Thanks

Tatty B xx

[Meg]

Lottie32 is writing us a page on this and has done lots of research and has suggestions.

Whatever she's done has helped her no end .. She's much, much better- even invites herself round now without questioning whether she's welcome - which she always is of course. Lol

I know shes worked damn hard on this. We helped her over her panics and then she discovered this was the real issue she needed to address.


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[tattybear]

Thanks Meg,

I think this is also a major issue with me too and I think nows the right time to adress is and do somthing about it

Tatty B xx

[pips]

Oh Tatty,

I so know how you feel hun. I couldn't have put it better myself!

I was just going to purchase Glenn Harolds Build Your Self Esteem CD of Amazon It looks good. I have 2 of his CD'S already.

I do understand how difficult it is Tatty I do struggle to. We have got to be POSITIVE though and its good to see you are mate.

Take care

Love PIP'S X X

[clickaway]

Its weird, I have suffered from low self-esteem all my life.

But about 15 years ago, I just tried to turn myself around without any help but myself. At work, I would just sit there and get on my mundane tasks and feel detached from the office 'club'.

I just felt I could not carry on like this and so went out of my way to ask after people, got more 'accepted' and after a relatively short time felt to be on a par with the rest. I also got one or two fairly important personal things sorted in my life and this helped no end too. I could then walk in the street with confidence and hold my head up high.

I was only a cog in the wheel at work, but got involved in trade union stuff there as well, which meant meetings with the Management Team and councillors (I worked for a borough council of 500 employees). I won the respect of these people, was able to talk to them on first-name terms and even give my own managers non-sensitive info that they should have received by normal channels. So, in fact, in some ways I was more than on a par with line managers!

But even now I find it difficult to accept that I have any special qualities, and that is deep rooted. I can accept that myself but cannot express that to others and I think that comes from my history. Also it comes from the fact that I will always be the younger of two brothers and was the one that didn't go to grammar school or uni and had the more troubled life growing up.

And I don't think there's no getting away from the fact that the older (and wiser) we get, the more confident we become. There surely must be a link to what we have to face in life as well, whether it be parenthood, travelling around the world, public speaking or overcoming a difficult situation with honours - they all help build up our self esteem.

So I have no courses or books to recommend, only myself. But I've still some way to go, and maybe my extensive psychotherapy may help me here also.

I'm just me, warts and all!

Ray



Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself.--Alice Walker

[tattybear]

Thanks Pips & Ray for both your inputs.

Ray...It was lovely to read your input & great to see how you over came this by yourself. What you said about work and just getting on with your job and not being part of the 'club' is compleatly how ive been in each jo ive been in. I thought maybe its just because I was shy, well still am a bit, but it is manly down to my confidence.

I am really going to work on this for myself as it will do me good and hopfully i will be able to build stronger relatinships with people.

Tatty B xx

[mico]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">... then she discovered this was the real issue she needed to address.
<div align="right">Originally posted by Meg - 09 August 2005 : 19:52:39</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

I think that heavilly relates to my situation too.

In fact, I think self-esteem is something which often gets overlooked, so I'm definately looking forward to Charlie's page.

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">This is why I find it hard to relax and truly be myself around some people as I really do feel inferior.
<div align="right">Originally posted by tattybear - sometime this week probably</div id="right"></td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

I've had this for as long as I remember. Teachers at school towered over me like some kind of higher being, someone that knew everything I didn't, someone with more authority than I ever felt I had.

Unfortuanately, growing up, that perception always stuck with me. Even though I may now be the same age as some of these people, I still commonly get the feeling that they somehow tower above me as if others always have more authority than I do.

One thing has changed over the years. I have learnt that much of what many of these people have taught me is wrong. I have learnt that they are not the know-it-alls that I once thought they were. I understand all this intellectually, and the fact that these people have no higher bearing than myself, but I still feel inferior.

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I'm constantly told nice things from my fiance, friends & family, but I cant really take compliments and really put myself down.
<div align="right">Originally posted by tattybear - sometime this week probably</div id="right"></td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

I think this is heavilly down to how you take the compliments, whether you decide to accept them or not. In order to accept them I guess you have to accept yourself.

Internal Dialogue is a heavy factor when it comes to self-esteem. What you're telling yourself other people are thinking of you, or what you're telling yourself other people think you should do. How should you act? Better seeks someone's approval, they'll know better. Having no confidence in your own decision making because you're telling yourself these decisions will be wrong. Or they may be wrong and you don't want to take the risk, someone else will know better.

The truth is, you know just as well as anyone else, and you've got to keep telling yourself that. Of course, it's engraved into you as a habit, so you have to keep telling yourself this as often as you can, in each and every situation you come across until you start believing it.

However, it's late, I'm tired, and I might not be making sense at all [^]. I thought I might have something to say if I just started typing, I know I do, just not this time of night.


mico

[EmmaJane]

Hi Tatty and all. This is me to a T. Its a hard one to overcome and deal with, and Im yet to still work on it.

Even on this forum, I feel inferior to everyone else, and think your all better than me.

Reading the posts on this, it doesnt sink in, that we are all the same.

Take care all

Feel free to PM me, if you want to talk.

Emma xx

Keep focused, keep positive.