cant stop crying

[name]

I have severe depression and lately its hit bottom i dont no what to do talking to my doc isnt an option as i have a fear of meds, meds is the only answer my doc has. I feel so weak mentally physically and emotionally everything makes me cry even stupid small everyday things like today i was watching the tv and my partner asked me why i was rocking
(swaying) and i started crying I have fought day in and day out to survive this depression but now its getting the better of me i feel smothered by it. I dont want anyone to think im suicidal because im not i have 3 beautiful kids who are my rock and who have got me this far i guess i just dont see the light at the end of this and believe its not going to get better like iv hit a brick wall when it comes to fighting. I really dont no how to say how i feel for fear i will upset people or be misunderstood. I dont no anymore how to help myself i feel so weak rite now and need some help but where to turn is where im lost thank you for taking the time to read this ..warm hugs xx Name

[Oceanblue]

I have severe depression and lately its hit bottom i dont no what to do talking to my doc isnt an option as i have a fear of meds, meds is the only answer my doc has. I feel so weak mentally physically and emotionally everything makes me cry even stupid small everyday things like today i was watching the tv and my partner asked me why i was rocking
(swaying) and i started crying I have fought day in and day out to survive this depression but now its getting the better of me i feel smothered by it. I dont want anyone to think im suicidal because im not i have 3 beautiful kids who are my rock and who have got me this far i guess i just dont see the light at the end of this and believe its not going to get better like iv hit a brick wall when it comes to fighting. I really dont no how to say how i feel for fear i will upset people or be misunderstood. I dont no anymore how to help myself i feel so weak rite now and need some help but where to turn is where im lost thank you for taking the time to read this ..warm hugs xx Name

Hi Name,

Sorry to read you're feeling so low.

How long have you been going through this for ?

Is it possible for you to see a Counsellor and talk about the way you feel with them ?

Also, you could ask to be referred from your GP to see the MHT who may be able to offer you some sort of Therapy. Not every patient has to take medication to get past Depression. Your doctor has a duty to refer you, they should do this for you, medication isn't always the answer.

Sending lots of ((hugs)) and I wish you well xx

[starlight78]

Hi Name,
I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling so much. I know that intense fear and terror of being rock bottom and feeling like there will never be anything else. I used to be overcome with huge waves of sorrow and used to rock with the tears to try and soothe myself.

You are very strong to have got through it so far without help. I have to say that i did take Citalopram because rightly or wrongly i felt that i was too low to get through it with therapy alone. I too was petrified of taking medication, but the terror of depression over rode it.

It really did help me take the edge off the horrible feelings and made me feel well enough to get the most out of the CBT that i went on to have.

Having said that there are options for you. Ask your GP to refer you for CBT for depression, but be aware that there will be a wait as the waiting lists are long. If you can afford it then you could pay for it privately, about £40 a session.

You could also try St Johns Wort which is a natural remedy which can be helpful for mild to moderate depression.

If you can cope with it I would advise you to read as much about depression as you can. "Overcoming depression" by Paul Gilbert is a great book as is "climbing out of depression" by Sue Atkinson. Its full of really useful advice and makes you realise that many good strong people have experienced depression and got through it!

Please have hope. Depression always passes, with or without intervention. there are things that you can do to speed up its passing and medication is only one option.

Wishing you lots of luck and happiness. xx

[PUGLETMUM]

just to add that my private therapy cost me £75 a session, but it was worth every penny - i have not used meds to overcome my depression, but i wouldnt hesitiate to in the future - i think the current thinking is that they only make anxiety worse - but when you are depressed they would most prob only make you feel better - i took prozac for 2 years and i was great - but if you stop them and dont understand the nature of depression you very soon can find yourself going back down it is an illness and these meds are designed to help you - please reconsider trying them? therapy is expensive but you can like the others have said use a combination of meds and self-help material if you cant afford therapy - if i got so depressed again i would not be able to afford therapy so i would try meds - but the best thing i have found is a therpay called 'mindfulness' - it isnt advised to do it while you are deep in depression, but it is definately a way forward to stop being depressed again - no matter how low you are you can start to look at things that you an TRY to make you feel better - eventually you will find something that helps - i know that being depressed makes this difficult, but by posting on here you have proven that you want to be well - sometimes when we are so low, we are aware deep inside that there is nowhere else to go but up - i have found in my bouts that this lowest point is actually the turning point?

[name]

Thank you so much for all your replys. To answer some of questions the ones i can remember lol yes i do cbt the therapist is semi retired and only works 2 mornings a week so my appointments are approx every 3 weeks and for 20 mins as he has a lot to patients. He is the only therapist in my area. I wud give my right hand to be able to take meds and i have tried but my fear of the meds is deeper than my depression if that makes sense to you. I have been perscribed them on many occasions thru out this depression and i have tried realy hard to take them and i want to but the dissapointment i feel when i try and fail is overwhelming and i felt it was best for now to stop trying to take them. I have started private counciling once a week which is gud but i cannot feel the benefit of it yet as i am Agoraphobic and when i am there my anxiety is high and all i can think about is getting bk home but i do hope in time that i will learn to feel safe while im there and be able to make the most of the sessions. I have been refered to the MHS about 18 mths ago but there are at a loss as how to help me without meds. I suggested that we have a meeting with the cpn therapists psyciatrist etc hopng that if we all put our heads together we may be able to come up with a few options but as iturns out the only option anyone cud come up with was to pull away from the mental health system and only attend appts with the phsyciatrist when necessary. When i had so many people trying to help me at once it became extremly stressful and i wasnt able to cope with it so i felt a failure and became more depressed. so this decision was mine. Thank you all for taking the time to read my post and for replying to it i am going to look into the suggestions that ye have made as i always say i have nothing to loose and if i gain nothing i have lost nothing Thank you all so much love and hugs xxxx Name

[bluegirl09]

please try the meds babe i was exactly the same as you crying every day feeling soo low any little thing i would be in tears i was terrified of the meds i viewed them as poison i erally did -however after some side-effects which were unpleasant i wouldnt be without them slowly the old me came back i was smiling and confident again it took a while sometimes talking and health eating arent enough if you really cant face them even a low dose at first? then exercise and fresh air good nutrition spending time with friends can all help i wish you luck but doctors prescribe the meds because they work!!!! i wouldnt be without them and if i have too take them forever then i will im on citrlopram 25mg x

[Yvonne]

Name

I deeply sympathise with you. I can't say I understand the fear of meds but this dreadful fear you have of them is very real and it's very sad. What you need is someone to reassure you about the meds and you need someone to help you get on them. You would need constant support when you first start on them from a cpn I reckon. Why are you so scared of the meds - could you tell me?

The depression is bad and I know how you feel. Yes, the help offered was overwhelming for you because you were so stressed and attending therapy sessions or whatever when you feel like that is very very traumatic. I think you need a cpn coming in to see you at the moment.

Please please talk to your gp again or the psychiatrist, they really have to help you.

Take great care xxxxx

[starlight78]

Hi Name, What is your fear around the medication? Is it swallowing tablets? Or side effects? or something else xx

[name]

I have come to reply to the question of what exactly my fear of meds is but have gotten to anxious so im giving it another go so lets see how far i get this time lol .My fear of meds is seizures i cannot type the correct word but ye no what it is i had them for 15 yrs and theres a very strong history of it in my family and even though i have been 17yrs free i live as if i still have them as i avoid everything that causes them. My fear of them is out of control i will be the first to admit this i fear that if i took meds and the side effects cause me to have a seizure it wud trigger the full blown ******** . My fear of it is so strong that i cud never take the chance. phew im leaving it there as this is as far as i can go with this subject but thank u all again for all the advice just to no that there is somone there listen means so much to me hugh hugs to everyone xxxx

[PUGLETMUM]

hi name, i dont personally have any experience of seizures, but my husband has them and is medicated with lamotrigine so is free of them - arent you on any meds for them anyway - what have you been told about how likely seizures are as a side effect - surely you would get extra advice around this condition if you wan tto take any other meds? i understand if you dont reply as you have said it is an anxiety inducing subject - i hope you are okay