Constant panic assaults

[rick]

Hello,

I am a 49 year old man who has started experiencing panic attacks almost constantly over the past few days. Fortunately. (or unfortunalely, depending on your point of view), I was afflicted by this same asault in 1985. A psyche doctor LOADED me with drugs - started with xanax (Monstrous dose). It cured the panic, but then he decided I was depressed, and prescribed tofranil... I almost died. Had an allergic reaction, didn't sleep for 72 hours, my BP never dropped below 146/110 during that time, and it was SIX months before I could feel my lips again. Anyway, he gave me other meds, the result of which caused me to have absolutely no memory of the first six months of 1986. Enventually, I lost an excellent job, two kids, and almost everything I owned.

I finally removed myself from this doctor and these meds by 1989 (I was taking 1/2 of a .25 xanax at the end, and, after a week of xanax withdrawl, which I was prepared for, never had another attack...

Until now.

I have rebuilt my life, career, married a wonderful woman. Then, here at Christmas time, the panic attacks have come blasting at me again, and I am terrified. Ive dusted off the old books, tried using my old tools, with varying success, and even purchased a pint of Vodka today, in case things get so bad I have to anesthetsise myself to oblivion. (I am a teetotaler, never drank in my life, and hope nver to, but I'm desperate.) Here in West Virginia (USA), there are no family docs in during the holidays. The past few nights, I have called the Behavior med wards at the two local hospitals, and they talked me thru the late night attacks, but of course cannot provide anything else.

I purchased a book by Jerilyn Ross "Triumph over Fear" yeasterday, and read it by this morning. I would love to be able to control these attacks without meds, as she puts forth. I have read horror stories about the "new Drugs", Lexipro, etc, and am terrified of having another tofranil episode.

I realise I am rambling a bit, but for those of you who have been here, please understand my fear and pleadings. I am a very frightened man. If anyone can offer suggestions, their views on other meds (Hopefully I can get in to see my family MD sometime this week after his holiday break) or just offer up a prayer for me, I would be so indebted. For the moderator, even if this is too long or inapproproate for your forum, thank you so much for the opportunity to express my fears to someone.

God bless you all, and thank you for your site.

Rick, me714@aol.com

[uryjm]

Hi Rick
Hopefully you're feeling better, and welcome to the site. I sometimes wonder if those of us who have truly experienced a full blown panic attack ever completely get over it. It's such a fright, you just can't block it from your mind as if it never happened. Therefore it's not a disaster when the monster decides to revisit. It's just the way it is and the way we are. For me, your horror story about the drugs strengthen my resolve to try and steer clear of that route (although I would admit to bathing my occasionally panicky mind in a nice pint of beer. Just a pint or two, mind! Obliterating it with vodka would leave me with bigger problems in the morning.)In the end, the answer lies within yourself and I wish you well in trying to find it.

Jim

[rick]

Thanks, Jim.
I appreciate your response and encouragement. I do have a queation of for you, or anyone else reading this... My poor stomach has been giving me fits over the past month or so. I remember, when I had the first eposodes (1985), whenever my tummy would act up, I knew I was in for it. It seems as of now, these attacks are coming from my stomach. (Does that make any sense??) It seems that, if I could calm my digestive system, it would stop those deadly twinges. I bought a bottle of pink poison (Pepto Bismol), and wonder if that'll do any good. (Just took a dose). So, anyone have any ideas on panic attacks from below???
Thank you,
Rick

[apricot]

Hi Rick,

I am a new memebr too, I only joined yesterday. I have suffered from PA with Agoraphobia since Aug 1997. Remember you are not alone, I think that is one of the main things with PA's, that you feel so alone at times. As I have said above, I have only been a member a day but it has helped me reading through posts to confirm I am not mad in the way I think, there are many, many others who go through what I go through. Try not to build on the Panic you have recently had. With Christmas holidays most 'normal people' get stressed and if you do suffer from PA's the stress is hightened a million times. Like myself, I recovered to about 80% of the old me and had a bad set back in 2002, which I am gradually fighting back from. I know that at the time I didn't realise that the stress in my life was mounting. But I do know that if I had looked at it a bit differently - insted of 'oh, my god, here I go again, I am going to be agoraphobic, My Parnter is going to have to give up work, etc', I should have said to myself, 'well I have had a lot of stress, this is just my body telling me to take it easy for a bit, reduce the stress and take time for me', I wouldn't have fell so deep into the hole again. So take some deep breaths, look at what stresses you have had over the last few months and how you can reduce them and put into practice what you learnt all those years ago...Panic didn't beat you then, so why should it now? It's a natural body reaction (although bloo*y awful at times) and it does pass. My panic starts with my stomach turning and turning until I need to rush to the loo. This is what made me Agoraphobic, as the thought of having an upset stomach in public was just too much. I try to look at the worst case, if I have an upset stomach in public, so what, other people must have had this happen to them and survived and I can't have an upset stomach 365 days of the year, can I? If we catch a stomach bug 8 times a year, that's a lot. I just think to myself when my panic starts like this when I am out, I have experienced this before and the worst has never happened, so why should it happen now?


Take care and good luck,


Nikki
Take care of yourself and good luck.

Turn 'what ifs' into 'I can' and you will.

[rick]

Thanks again, folks.
Being a new member, I'm not sure what I was even supposed to do... Just a late nite panicky post, and suddenly, there are folks who care enough to take the time to pat me on the back and encourage me. You know, if you all were to see me, I would be the last person you'd expect to be suffering... I'm a big, ol hairy (except on top)ex coal miner, college man, pretty good industrial electrician, oudoorsman (don't hunt, but love the woods,) author (have written articles for the new WV State encycolpedia),... And I'm sitting here at the keyboard, weeping like a child, because somneone cares...

Tears of joy, now THAT'S a great feeling.

God bless you all
RIck

[sadie]

Hi Rick,

If it makes you feel any better, I too was sitting at my keyoard yesterday, weeping like a child because I was in so much distress due to my symptoms and I recieved great help and support from others...

I just felt so lucky to have such great friends and the fact that I was not alone!!!

Hope your tummy feels better today!

sadie

[apricot]

Hi Rick,

I find that most people that do suffer from PA's are not who people would think. Usually personality type A's, they say. I was very confident, didn't think twice about doing something, going anywhere, always made my feelings felt, then in just one day that all changed. I look on it that we are all sent to learn something in this life and I think mine must be to get over these PA's. This is my lesson in life and just think when we have all bagged it, what a wonderful life we all will have appreciating everything, not taking it for granted like millions of others do. We all know first had suffering, desperation and dispear and once we start to battle back the taste of life is so much sweeter than before.

Remember you have done it before, and you will again.

Take care,

Nikki

Turn 'what ifs' into 'I can' and you will.

[rick]

Nikki,
Thank you for your kind replies. You just may be right when you say these attacks are lessons for us to learn,... Or perhaps humility, too. As I posted earlier, I was a PA sufferer that had been to hell and back a few years ago, and won. (So I thought) This current bout of attacks has remided me to never take things for granted, and also has given me a new empathy for those who suffer. There may be someone, perhaps, that I may run into, on this board or in person, that, with my newly re-discovered respect for and understanding of these attacks, I may be able to give insight, encouragement, or just a simple, "Hang in there, It'll be alright" to - Just as you and the others have done for me.

"What good we do for others shall be returned tenfold unto us..."

So, be expecting good things, for with your kindness and understanding toward me, you certainly deserve it!!

Thanks,

Rick

[benoo5]

hi rick,

welcome to the >friendly> little haven,

god,youve really suffered over the years,but youve beaten it once,and you can do it again...sounds as if you had the doctor from hell,giving you medication from hell.

so i would first of all,find yourself a good doctor,one that will listen,and not just sit there watching your lips move.

when your prescribed medication,ask about any possible side effects,ask how long,roughly it will take,before you can expect any sign of them working for you.

ask,if you can be referred to a therapist,one who has experience with panic attacks,these people are very good,and can show you ways to help yourself,just in case attacks happen again in the future.

get some bach rescue,just flower essense,put a few drops in water,and sip all day,takes the edge of your feelings..only herbs,so can only do you good.

concentrate on your breathing,loosen the top of your jeans,so your tummy can relax,breath from the tummy,not the chest...breath in to count of 4, and breath out to count of 7.

leave the vodka alone,specially if your tee total,it would be too much of a shock for your body...by all means,have a little in a glass of orange,just to relax you,but thats all,and cut out coffee!

hope this helps a bit..best wishes..bryan.

[rick]

Thanks, Bryan, and all others.

So far, today has been a pretty benign day, which is good. I took the pink poison, and perhaps it has settled my tum down, or, perhaps, just perhaps, being with you folks has allowed me to cry, laugh, and feel, which is what I need. Thank you all again so very much.

Now, a question. I've read in several posts about this bach rescue thing... I've never heard of it before. Is there a site or something I can vist to learn more about it?

Thanks,
Rick