PA's taking the kids to school

[Matt]

Hi Apricot

What about thinking if the worst did happen assuming you "had to go" you would probably pretty much automatically go into the school and either use a toilet or ask to use one! No one else would think anything of it! Try and think what you would think if you were someone else looking at the situation.

What about next time u go to school to pick them up wether u need to go or not go and ask to use the toilet? Just so you know any time you need to you can.

Just some ideas not sure if they are any use or not to you!

Take it easy and best of luck for the new term!

Matt

[stimpy]

I was taking my children to school one day and we were walking to the bus stop and some man, someone I have never met slowed his car right down and started yelling abuse at me, telling me I wasn't a fit mother and that I should have more respect for myself. :(

I was a bit unsettled by this, and continued my journey to school.
Walking home, I felt very uneasy, watching every car that drove past me, waiting for another verbal assault. I called my husband and he talked to me until I got home safely.

I thought no more about it, and several weeks later I started to feel ill at the thought of walking to the bus stop with my children, so I began getting a taxi, then I couldn't face getting in taxi, and my problems started from there.

I understand what you must be going through, I think my mistake was not sticking with it, and giving in to the panic. If only I'd stuck with getting a taxi to school, maybe I wouldn't have become a sofa loving panic monster ...

Don't give in, don't let it beat you.
Take deep breaths, try to remain calm ( easier said than done.) Would it be worth your while talking to the staff at the school and explaining your difficulty? Maybe some one could bring your children out at the same time. Or maybe they could let you wait inside for your children, rather than with other parents at the gate.

I'm sure the school wouldn't want to see you suffering distress and would be only too willing to help.

[diana]

Hiya Liz,

How have you been? Well I hope. So good to see you here posting like mad and giving advice . My goodness if you don`t mind my asking what the heck brought the verbal assault on by that srtranger? Or did he perhaps have TOURETTES!!!? (check spelling) . I was at the grocery store with one of my teenage daughters a while back and this lady, well looked to be around my age 30ish or so, and I don`t know who she was talking to or why but WOW!!!! she was really cussing someone out, saying "G** D*** it, I HATE YOU" at the top of her lungs. We just stopped and stared for a bit, and discovered that there was no one there and put it off to possible tourettes LOL........ Maybe not so funny to those who have it, but looked awfully funny at the time.

Take care all,

Diana

[stimpy]

Hiya Diana

Not doing too bad, thanks for asking [8D]
I'm getting a star worker to help me tackle busses and outdoor stuff.
And I've got a place at a local day centre, and they do flower arranging, gardening and computers. So that should keep me out of mischief for awhile, especially when Steve leaves me and goes back to work.

To this day I have no idea why that man took into his own head to give me a good ticking off. I know he wasn't yelling at someone else as I was the only person walking along the path.

It really has shaken my confidence with regard to dealing with people. I'm scared stiff of verbal confrontation and afraid to stand up for myself. And to think I used to work at the Child Support Agency and suffer death threats every week like water off a ducks back !
I was even yelled at outside Asda! I accidently moved a shopping trolley with my heavy shopping bags, to be honest I had no idea I was stuck to a trolley until it moved and headed right for a car that was driving passed me. [:I] The driver stopped the car and a lady in the passenger seat went mental at me! " You nearly hit us with that trolley! ...."
I said I was sorry, and I truely was, I explained it was an accident and that I didn't know I had moved the trolley with my bags. Everyone was okay, the trolley missed the car, and it wasn't like I deliberatly decided oh that's a nice car, full of kids and shopping I'm gonna ram it.
So my mum, Alex and I continuted the short journey home, with me shaking like a leaf. I got home to Steve and I cried.

Sometimes, just the stress of watching more than one child at once in a sea of people is enough to make you panic. Especially when you hear stories on the news of children getting lost, and that fills your mind with "Buts" and "What ifs". The next thing you know a simple journey to school or shopping with your children becomes a real trial.

I'm not sure if my advice is good advice, it's more a personal - this is what I did, and this is what I would have done differently with hindsight.
In hindsight I should have told both people to [] off and stop yelling at me ... Oh well live and learn.

Love and light
Liz xxx

[kate]

Hiya Liz,

I am exactly the same. Cant stand confrontation or even just good old standing up for myself.

The thing with lack of confidence is that people soon work out that they can say and do to you what they please and you will not say or do anything back. This in turn makes you mad at yourself and feel even more vulnerable.

Perhaps the man who shouted at you from the car mistook you for someone else or perhaps he was just mad!

It is easy to say dont worry about it but if you are anything like me, it plays on my mind and I would take it personally.

How are you coping now with taking the kids to school? Mine are now both at secondary school so I dont have to do the school run anymore.

But I remember when the violence fear was very bad, when I was having the trouble at the college, I was scared of even standing waiting for the kids to come out of school in case there was a violent incident. It made it worse because I knew I had to stand there and wait for the kids, couldn't just run away if something did happen.

Good luck with the day center, hope you are enjoying it

Kate x

[diana]

Hey there Liz,

I am so proud of you, you are really moving on ahead. Any personal experience with this disorder given as advice is always good advice. As personal experience from a sufferer of this disorder seems to always do best for me. As it is been there, done that type of information. I certainly do not want anyone who does`nt know how this feels to give me advice or tell me to just get over it when they don`t
know how this feels. You are doing just grand, keep up the good work. Do enjoy the day center, it should certainly keep you out of mischief for awhile like you say. LOL.... I agree, when you have children it is very stressful on a daily basis just to think what if, or but. With all the crimes against children, and having all of the weight on your shoulders to protect them, it is sometimes hard to be what some may call "RATIONAL" I know it is that way for me. Though like Kate mentioned my children are older as well (2) in High School and (1) in middle school, but honestly though the age changes and the fears for them change with age appropriate fears, you never stop worrying for them. which I can honestly say gives me a much greater respect for my dad and grandma as he and she were the ones who raised me. Keep up the great work Liz, keep posting to let us know how you are getting on with things and how you are progressing. I love to hear of the successes of others as it inspires me. Liz stay away from those "CRAZIES" in the streets LOL.... , and if you can`t don`t let what they say get you too down. I know that is easier said than done at times, but you are doing marvelous. I betcha Steve is out of his mind with glee, and just as proud as he can be. He is such a great fan of yours (LUCKY YOU)!!!!! I loved the stories he would post about you and he, like a real life romance novel. Well Liz take care dear. Remember to keep us posted as to how you are getting along. Tell Steve I say Hi, and let him know he did great by supporting you through all of this. what a trooper he is. Now he gets to reap the benefits of his labor, by seeing you come into yourself again. Take care borh of you, love you both, you are such a strong couple, and you both let us see that love really does conquer all.

Take care Liz,

Diana xoxoxo

[stimpy]

Diana, thank you for your kind words and encouragement
I showed your post to Steve, who said " Aw Bless isn't that nice, thankyou!"

I went shopping to West Bromwich with Steve, and we sat in the car eating pasties, Steve turned round to me and said "Oh you know how to spoil me .. We could have been in a fancy resturant, eating a lovely meal and here we are eating pasties in a car park on a rainy afternoon."
I said "What you moaning for 6 weeks ago it was all you wanted!"
Steve said "Yeah, good init"

So I think he is happy with the progress I'm making.
Today he drove me to Walsall park, and we took the kids to play on the playground. As we drove on I got that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me I was too far away from home and I should turn back.
I took a few deep breaths, listened to the radio, chatted to Steve about how the sun was shining after a whole day of rain, crap stuff really. But it seamed to work.

6 weeks ago I didn't think I would ever see the park again but I made to the park in one peice and we had a lovely walk.
It would be great to think that love really does conquer all.
Personally I think it's the medication.
But don't tell Steve I said that or he'll find more "daily punishment" for me to indure [:I]
He has been great tho, my CPN congratulated him on the job he'd done supporting me, getting me back on my feet and told him to keep me in line! Charming !

My Star worker wants to train me to walk to the bus stop and get on a bus. [:0] So that's my next big challenge.

Love and light
Liz xxx

[diana]

Aw Liz how sweet. You keep up the great work. We are always here for ya, don`t forget that. I like the bit about eating the pastries in the car. What an accomplishment from weeks ago for you . Sometimes to some that would be such a small thing or something most take for granted. I think for those of us who suffer with this disorder really appreciate the little simple things in life. You are doing great, take care and keep posting to let us know how you are progressing. I know you will only continue to move forward from here.

Love,

Diana xxxx

[stimpy]

It is funny how you take something for granted and have no idea how important these things are until the simple things taken away from you.
Some people rush about picking up the kids, doing the shopping and I envy them, I really do.
But now Shopping and going out takes me 3 times longer than everyone else, because I just look at stuff. Ooh look at all the different types of donuts! Ohh look at them flowers, they'd look lovely on my window sill. Steve says he's going to stop taking me shopping as it takes me all day and costs him twice as much.

Worth it though, just to feel important and useful again.

Love and best wishes

Liz xxx

[diana]

How true Liz,

I know how you feel. Hey you`ve earned being out a little longer now days, as there was a time you could`nt do it at all. Take your time Liz, it won`t always be this way. It`s like learning how to walk all over again, everything is so new and wonderful. Keep up the good work. Tell Steve to cut you some slack LOL..... . No really I know he means well.What meds are you now taking Liz, and how long have you been on them? Are you feeling "normal" now? I have been on Prozac it seems forever and it does`nt seem to be doing it`s job anymore. My doc recently prescribed ATIVAN, for the panic attacks, but I do not take it on a daily basis like I am supposed to. Just a little affraid of it too. Well dear take care, do keep posting to let us know how you are doing.

Love,

Diana xoxooxo