This has me baffled and really pi$$ed of aswell. When at work, no anxiety and because I've done a days work I come home and feel sort of at peace with myself as I've done something constructive. Even though I have no anxiety at work my days are usually spent day dreaming of being at home or being anywhere else but work.
Then the holidays arrive, you long for them to come and they finally arrive, you maybe get 1 day in ok and am glad to be off. The following day anxiety has set in, boredom,depression then the thought of having to go back to work comes and before you know it your holidays are ruined before they have really begun.
Then its back to work on Monday, you are in an hour and wish you where on holiday again. You can't win an I am sick of the cycle, I just want to enjoy my time of but can't with anxiety and depression, its almost like working just sort of masks it, then when you have nothing to do it all comes flooding back.
I think I mentioned I have been off all week, I've looked forward to these holidays since I went back to work after Xmas, and now they are here I want back to work but I don't want back to work if that makes sence. I want rid of the anxiety I suppose and going to work does that but I don't actually want to work if that makes sence.
I remember at Christmas. On Xmas night I actually got depressed because that was it, and it was the actual thought of having to go back to work got me depressed.
I just can't find any peace.
EDIT*** After reading through that I have noticed something. I seem to be using work like an anti depressant, It blocks my anxiety then when I'm not at work all comes flooding back. So imagine my predicament when I say I totally hate my job, its like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, Don't go to work and get anxiety, or go to a job you hate. Grrrr