New Member

[GRUMPYSODKEV]

hello my name's kev aka grumpysodkev. i have had depression on an off since i was 21 when tried to commit suicide. i am now 40 this year and undergoing cbt which helps it has been difficult over the last few years. i am happily married to the most important person in the world to me. however she suffers from my terrible moods, (not violent in any way) and this hurts me, i would be lost without her, but don't often show it. i have done 12 years ambulance work and the last nine spent as a search and rescue officer for the coastguard. i have two police commendations for bravery, but have been so grumpy, and that's what my nickname is, so much so that i have a tattoo of grumpy on my left shoulder. i am slowly getting over this at the moment, but i know the signs and can tell when a bad time is imminent. if anyone want's to talk about my experiences in life then please reply.

[yorkylover]

Hi Kev and you will get lots of support here and friendly advise.Where abouts do you do the search and rescue job?

[GRUMPYSODKEV]

Based On The Fylde Coast, Primary Response Area Is Blackpool, St Annes, Cleveleys, Lytham And Preston

[GRUMPYSODKEV]

THANK YOU TETLEY, i often try and get lost, but someone keeps finding me usualy my own search and rescue team (lol). if i get annoyed or frustrated, i try and take it out on people around the world on my xbox. nothing like shooting people to relieve the day's frustrations.

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Kev,

Welcome to NMP. I would imagine your work is very very stressful, perhaps that is what sometimes gets to you. You will find a lot of support here.

Take care,

Laura

[GRUMPYSODKEV]

i know this sounds a bit stupid, but it is the other way round, i thrive on being busy and active. as i said earlier i am a search and rescue officer, but i am also a firearms instructor for the army cadets and also work for jobcentre plus. i can not be doing with being sat around doing nothing. the rescue work is no longer stressful. i just go into autopilot. i have been doing it for just over 8 years now, and it's just another day in the office for me. sometimes the people we rescue don't survive, but that is a fact of life. i used to think what could i do different, but now if i try my best and the result is not a good one, unfortunately it's a fact of life. at the moment i am not having many bad days, i am on a good slope at the moment and have been for a good few weeks. that will come to an end, i know the signs, and am starting to manage it a lot better

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Kev,

Okay. It isn't work, I'm really impressed you can do all that and not take it home with you. I guess that is why you are able to do what you do. Thank you guys for being out there.

You say your wife is moody, have you ever talked to her about this moodiness? I can say from a woman's perspective that if you would tell her how much you care about her it might improve her mood!

It is good for you that you know the signs in advance. Do you have any steps that you take to stop it from taking over?

Laura

[GRUMPYSODKEV]

no, my wife is not moody, i am. she has put up with so much from me in the 9 years we have been together. it sometimes hurts me that i am so moody to her, not violent in any way. i would gladly give my life for her .
without her i am lost. the day we part will be the worst day of my life . the CBT is starting to work and things are improving. when the signs start appearing, we talk, and often go for fresh air walks. we go for a walk round the zoo as we can get in free. we don't argue, i will never have an argument with my wife we will both walk away calm down then talk.

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Kev,

I apologize, didn't see the me in the sentence. You sound like a wonderful husband and she is a lucky woman. I'm glad the CBT is working and open communication is the key to everything. It sounds to me like you are doing everything you can to fight the battle. You will find that we all understand your pain. The chatroom is a great place and after 5 days you will be able to go in there, sorry forum rules. I'm glad you found the site and please know that you aren't alone in feeling this way.

Best wishes,

Laura

[GRUMPYSODKEV]

thank you