Can't pull it together!!

[bananas13]

I'm 19 years old and had to drop out of college because of my anxiety/OCD/depression. This is not the way things were supposed to go. I had so many plans in life... moving to the city, going to school for photography, living with my boyfriend, etc. But now here I am, living at home with my parents. I'm ashamed of myself.

I had a panic attack up in college and was voluntarily hospitalized for 5 days, then I quit school and went home with my family, started spiraling downwards again and checked myself into another behavioral health ward for a week. This was all between November and mid-January.

At the time, all I could think about was getting help and feeling normal again... but now 3 months later, I'm finally started to reflect on everything that happened.

I'm a college drop-out.
I see a psychotherapist.
I'm on 4 different meds.
I live with my parents.
I have NO plan.

It's hard to believe this is ME I'm talking about... I've always known what I wanted to do with my life and this was not part of it. It's weird and I'm scared for my future...

My original plan was to back to school (an hour away) in August, but now I don't think I can do it. I'm not ready to be on my own again! I didn't think this anxiety and weird depersonalization would last this long... but it won't go away, leaving me scared and insecure. I need my family, but I'm going to be 20 and I need to pull myself together and be an adult! Has anyone else ever felt like this? ...Relying on people?

I just got a job at a credit union and I work 26 hours a week... I'm soooo scared that I'm going to panic while at work and have to quit! I want to keep this job and be a f**king normal person! I want to act like an adult and pull my s**t together, move out, and go back to school!

Can anyone relate? I feel so alone and scared.


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[skyblue]

Hi Kayle

bless please dont be to hard on your self,you may not realize it,but to want to get things back on track is the first step,and being able to come on here is really possitive.

i have sufferd from panic and anx for many years and can relate to everything that you have said.

things will get better i know you think when..but these things can take time thats the s..t bit, your body has a great way of healing itself...but its along job and it has to do it slowley to make sure it gets it right.

sometimes things creep up on us and we dont know,and our body say hey...
all these panics and i no,my worst one is what if i get to work and off it all goes to pot lol

maybe being with your parents might not seem too cool,but it might be what you need i know if it were my children i need them with me,my kids are 15,18 and 22.

feel free to pm

thinking of you

Skyxx