You all know how it is. Every morning you wake up, as your eyes begin to open you start to contemplate the day ahead and you feel a slight churn in your stomach.
Ok, this is it, time to get up. But, out of nowhere appears another voice, it's a voice of doom and gloom, it speaks of nothing but the struggles that lay ahead in your day. Then suddenly your eyes roll back in your head and you're sourrounded by a feeling of bliss, your senses have made a sudden change and you're now looking over a vast landscape, a landscape where you've never seen so much beuty, this is paradise!
Once again your eyes open, your stomach churns, you tilt your head and look at the clock, it's 11am! You've slept for 10 hours. By this point you're already beginning to feel depressed, gone is the early start you promised yourself. The motivation you also promised is barely existent, it's ovewhelmed by the negative contemplation of what you'll have to endure today.
You've managed to peel youself out of bed by noon though and you stumble down the stairs with nothing but your contemplative mood.
So far not so good. But you have a burning desire to build your motivation, you don't want to live with your anxiety a day longer, all these years it has hindered you, and you can start doing something about it right now! You have all that power in your hands, you have the power to take control of your own life, the power to do all those things that are going to scare you in the day ahead, and after confronting your fears, tomorrow is going to be a better day.
Of course, you think about this a little, then you switch on your computer, log into NMP and your day is set. You're going to sit here all day!
What happened to confronting your fears and making that first step into recovery? Why is it that you want something so much but fail at the first hurdle?
You may go for some lunch. Microwave meal is the order of the day since your negative self ruled out the healthy option you planned the night before. Obviously it takes far too much will power to spend 15 minutes cooking!
But, you're determined, and after you eat you're going to at least make some constructive use for your day. Since you've already got off to a bad start you're not expecting much, but you are going to do something!
Or are you? Yes, you start thinking about it. The more you think, the more you fill with despair. The harder you try the more difficult it gets. You're desperately trying to instill some positive feelings within yourself and feed yourself the motivation to make that trip out today. It feels very much like a mountain climber who is desperately trying to reach the top, he knows he has to try harder or he'll not make it, but the harder he tries the more rocks crumble away and he makes less progress.
As the old saying goes, you can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink it.
That's how I feel at times. As if I am two people, the positive and the negative, the positive self takes the negative self to the water, but the negative self won't drink it.
Any tips guys?
mico
Reply With Quote
