For those of you with harm/violent thoughts

[Oranges3]

I mainly suffer from thoughts of harming the ones that I love, and the occasional random phobia. Anyway, for those of you who have similiar harm thoughts: Do you ever FEEL creepy or gross? For instance, I was drinking a green tea that I bought from the store and thought to myself "This is what murderers drink!"... I get that thoughtwhenever I'm listening to music or watching tv, like, "this is what murderers watch"... or, it makes me feel like I have actually committed a murderous crime! I hate it! The only time I've ever killed something was when a squirrell ran out in front of me while driving, and even then I cried as I watched it in my rearview mirror! I get these awful feelings like I am a creepster and deserve to be locked up.

Do you ever feel this way?

[ipanicbadly]

Oh my god yes i do that all the time. Do those people on the bus know that i am a closet murderer etc. Do you ever feel like you actually enjoy having these thoughts and that you can picture yourself laughing after you have committed them but freak right out after thinking that

[Oranges3]

Oh my. I love this website! You all help me feel so much better! I do that all the time! Yesterday I was telling my family about my thoughts about harming them and how uneasy I always felt. They just started making fun of me! I then got this awful thought in my head like "Well, they don't care so I guess it is okay to go through with it!".... and then I started getting really nervous and nauseous. THEN, I had to go to my night class (ethics) and we were talking about animal abuse/rights. My professor said "You know, serial killers start on animals before moving on to humans"... and then I freaked out because I remembered the squirrell and then I thought about killing my own cat, etc. I'm even going to school to be a vet assistant!

And to answer your question: Yes. Sometimes I think that I actually enjoy those thoughts and want to go through with it. But then THAT thought makes me nervous, so I feel better. Sometimes I think my body is just addicted to anxiety hormones.

I just made an appointment with my counselor, but it isn't until 2 wednesdays from now! Hopefully I can make it before going completely bonkers!

[SuperInfinity]

I've been reading books on serial killers (including plenty of lady ones) lately, they're really interesting.

Maybe you might want to try that or watching horror movies or something, as maybe there's just a curiosity about that type of thing in you.

At the very least you can always say the books/movies made you do it if you end up actually doing it, they can also give you tips on getting away with it so it's win-win.

[bumbles]

These thoughts are not a thing to poke fun at Super and quite honestly when someone has them it is terrifyinig to them. I find your post very unhelpful and in very bad taste. This illness is no joke. Its all very well having a sense of humour but what you said is just too much.

[ipanicbadly]

Super, if you even had a remote sense of guilt you would not laugh at this as there thoughts are not something to laugh at. They make people very distressed and i would not wish them upon my worst enemy. Please do not post unless it is helping others such as myself.

[Claire79]

A certain amount of humour is needed with ocd sometimes, my husband would burst out laughing when I would suddenly announce that I was scared of murdering him with a knife! It helped actually it took some of the power away from the thought and made me see it for what it was, a stupid little random thought.

It's very difficult for people without ocd to understand how debilitating it is, even people with different OCD themes can set eachother off! Poking fun is a whole different matter but I don't think that's what Super was doing, I think he/she was just making light of a irrational fear not realising comments like that can cause major upset and rumination.

You know, as distressing as it is ocd IS funny at times, during my fear of schizophrenia I once sat in absolute terror, scared to move a muscle, because I was convinced I was going to put black shoe polish on white trainers!
We ocd-ers are a sensitive bunch, it's a nice quality to have because it makes us incredibly nice people but on the flip side it makes us take ourselves too seriously sometimes. Your allowed to laugh at your crazy ocd symptoms, laughing and relaxing about your fears doesn't mean you want to do x/y/z, it means your not taking these nutty random thoughts seriously and thats a good thing

Worrying and keeping vigilant will not stop you doing something you don't want to do, it's YOU stopping yourself doing something you don't want to do. The real you is the one in control, not your fears. Serial killers, pedophiles and all the people we worry about becoming are the polar opposite of an ocd-er, they WANT to think the way they do, they take a real pleasure in it. And when I say pleasure I don't mean in an ocd way like: 'did I like that thought? I think I did.... OH MY GOD I'M STARTING TO LIKE THESE DISGUSTING THOUGHTS!'
Trust yourselves and take that leap of faith.

Take care everyone xxxxxxxxxxx

[Oranges3]

Yeah, if I wanted to be made fun of I would just go talk to my family. None of them understand! And saying "if you do go through with it" does not make me feel better.

And I agree, sometimes it is okay to laugh at your OCD... but not someone else's. I have found that I have always thought/said something more strange than any non-OCD'er... so when they expect to shock me with a nasty joke or something, I let them down a bit. If they only knew what was actually going on in my mind!