I am truly suffering and I have no where else to turn but this forum. I have GAD for 15 years and since Christmas , major depression. I am in couselling but have chosen not to take medication. I am 38 years old and live alone except for my tiny dog and a cat. I was in a very loving live-in relationship until about 6 years ago. I am in a family run business, so I am working with my family everyday. Bascially my sister hated my man. At family events she constantly announced I could do much better than him . She tortured him with verbal abuse, picking on his Scottish accent and mocking him at family events. She told him not to talk because no one could understand him. I was horrified by her behaviour,I could not believe she was acted like this (she has since admitted she feels shameful). Understandably my man said it was my sister or him and I resented him for asking me to make such a decision. I felt that it was unfair of him and said I could never abandon my family. He left. We are still in contact through email and the occasional phone call.
For many years, before and after my last realtionship, my sister had been my only salvation. She has been there to help me deal with my phobias, like going into shops, restaurants ,making phones calls etc. She and I were able to help each other through many things. Our parents divorce and her subsequent obesity realted illnesses. I have been a vegan for 10 years and helped her with her diet. She and I exercised and changed everything so she could lose 100lbs which she did! Then she met a man and soon after ,unexpectedly got pregnant.
I got her a beautiful house and all new appliances. After the baby was born in March 2008 things were GREAT ! Happy giggly baby never cries and always smiling. The baby's father is not the best person in the world but I can appreciate his predicament. They barely knew each other and suddenly they were parents ! He is living with my sister and their baby. Since the baby was born my sister complained about how he doesnt do anything for the baby. She complained non-stop about how he prefers his 22 year daughter to the new baby. Even though I agreed with her, I tried my best to be supportive and make excuses for him, up until Christmas.
At Christmas he was arguing with my sister and I stepped in (which I shouldn't have) to defend her. I packed up and left her house and I have been here at my house, crying since then. I am every negative emotion you can imagine.
I can barely function I am so overcome with grief. I feel like I have lost my sister who was my only friend and my only link to sanity.
I still go to work and she brings the now 1 year old baby into work. I see how this man is still neglectful of the baby and it breaks my heart that my sister allows this to happen. She always picked on my man for ill treating me yet it is okay for her man to ill treat her and the baby.
I was working really hard at accepting this and trying to regain a life without her in it but I am barely surviving. I have been driving again and going into shops to food etc. I even forced myself to attend a Yoga class this week, (major trauma !).
I endured a major setback at work and barely made it home before bursting into tears. Typing this long winded (I apologize) story has actually calmed me and I've stopped crying. I don't know what to do- I just want to run away and never come back.
I can't live like this - I don't want life to be this horrible and I don't feel like there is anything to help- I am trying to concentrate on my breathing to prevent another panic attack.
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