Why cant they understand?

[Lawton86]

Hey guys,

Well i wnt on my night out last night, got really drunk mto cope with the agrophobia and constant de-realization and scraped through without no panic attack thankfully, and stayed at my girlfreinds over night.

Came home and the first thing i hear from my mum is " Well if you can do that you can do anything". Why dont they understand thats its sooooo hard to do that and the only reason i did it was bcause i dont want too loose friends while going through this period. Then i hear is "you may find it s**t, but we find it s**t to ya know". I would LOVE to walk through the door and say hey guys, im cured had a great night last night, just come back to get changed but then im off out again. Why do people thinnk we make this stuff up?

As soon as you start describing ur symptons people either think your crazy or your feeling sorry for yourself.....and then we woder where all our anxiety comes from.....arrrrghhh sure u all know where im coming from

its like as soon as your one step further people think your better and knock you 3 steps back....


This post has been automatically edited by the NMP post filter

[Lawton86]

Maybe i am in the wrong....:(. No-one seems to be agreeig with me.

All i know is i could not have gone out and let it won, or have gone out , felt s**t, but come back feeling abit beter for it.


This post has been automatically edited by the NMP post filter

[lizzie29]

I think it's hard for people who have never experienced anything like this themselves. I know people have sometimes said things like "Grow up, you're 24, of course you can do it" and that really hurts, because as we know, it doesn't matter if you're 24 or 84 - anxiety and panic are just as bad!
I think you should be proud with what you've achieved. YOU know how big a deal that is to you, so focus on that. Like I said, to others on the outside, it's so simple if they're never felt this way. But I'm sure it's not a personal thing, lots of us have experienced people not understanding.

[Bill]

Sometimes success can backfire!

Your parents will be thinking, you went out all night, got drunk and had a good time with your girlfriend so your mum ISN'T really thinking Well if you can do that you can do anything". What she's Actually thinking is "Well, if you can do that, why CAN'T you do other ordinary day to day things" because she can't see how much of an effort it was for you. All she can "visualise" is you being drunk and having a good time!

As I say, sometimes success can backfire because people see what we "can" do so then can't understand why we can't do it all the time because they've never experienced anxiety so can't understand how much effort it takes!

If you needed crutches, they'd understand more because what people can't see they have trouble understanding!

[maddie]

My parents are the same. It can take me days to work up to being able to go out and do something. Then I may have a couple of day's complete exhaustion after. All they see is that I did it and to them, that means I am "cured". I think really it is because they are scared for me and desperately want me to be well. They love me and don't know how to help.

[CJH86]

People who dont suffer from things like this just cant understand, really frustraiting!

When ive done something simple im proud of such as getting a good nights sleep, going somewhere i dont like or even stopping getting panicy over something....my boyfriend would shoot me down by saying something like 'well you'll just find something else to worry about anyway'. Or for example if i had a headache or something he'll say 'oh what is it now...a brain tumor'. I told him in future that if he doesnt have anything encouraging to say dont say it at all...so he doesnt say anything which is fine by me

Ive also had to go through an academic appeal as my uni didnt seem to think a med cert signing me off for a month with panic disorder + anxiety was valid .

Its all about personal achievement at the end of the day. Parents etc do get frustraited as they are powerless to help and in the end by saying stuff like that (my mum used to when i lived at home) they are only trying to be encouraging....but going about it in entirely the wrong way. Also my mum used to partly blame herself for my problems thinking it was something in my upbringing that caused my panic attacks to start.

[june]

Lawton86
Read this quote from your post as if you were your mom
Well i wnt on my night out last night, got really drunk mto cope with the agrophobia and constant de-realization and scraped through without no panic attack thankfully, and stayed at my girlfreinds over night.

Now can you see why your mom said what she did????
" Well if you can do that you can do anything". (((("you were very brave"))
Think about it-------- she was trying to give you encouragement
Best wishes
June

[nikkinik]

I think no one can understand unless theyve been in your shoes. And to be fair I had no idea what anxiety, panic attacks, health anxiety and agoraphobia were until these last 4 or 5 years (I hate adding up the years Ive been suffering, it makes it feel even more depressing!).

My fiance asks me how Ive been, and pretty much whenever I say Ive been ok (I sometimes say I am even when Im not as I dont want to disappoint/drag him down) he talks to me or acts like Im cured!?!? Its like 'well you were ok when we went to..., so you'll be ok now' like that one or two occasions things went ok I'll suddenly be able to take on the world!?
He doesnt get the extent of how I suffer tbh.. I used to talk about it, and even now when Im really low I'll go to him, but that results in him being fed up, and looking fed up(!), he'll say he doesnt know how to help or what he can do, like he feels at a loss, and it just seems to drag him down.. which makes me feel a million times worse! So I now keep stuff to myself, which isnt helpful.. but Id rather that than end up feeling even worse about myself when I open up!

Im sure your Mum was just trying to give encouragement.. but I know how ppl can put pressure on when you appear to be doing ok, they suddenly think youre 'over it'.

Well done on getting out etc, Im sure it wasnt all down to the drink! Give yourself a pat on the back, it was/is a big achievement.


Nikki.

[good2beme]

Hi, I completely understand how hard it is to do something which you personally find hard. I have had so many similar experinces, done one thing, like gone for a drink with a friend and had to work really hard just to get dressed without having a panic attack, let alone the drive there and have the actual meeting...but come away feeling a sense of achievement. But when i get home my boyfriend asks me to go to his works evening out...i try for the hundreth time to explain why i can't go, he takes it personally and i feel like i should have just stayed in bed and avoided everything that day.
The key is to set yourself goals at your pace and keep a weekly checklist of the things which you found hard but did anyway. Be pround of yourself for where you're at, the situation you described i would have struggled with, so well done for getting through it.

[Lawton86]

Hey all, and thanks for the replys!

Good2beme, i tottally know what you mean. You do one thing because u really realy want to and feel u need to, no matter how horrible or hard it is. and then people get offended when they say 'can u do this with me' or can you go their for me'......and when u say im sorry i really cant....they are like "well you did it on sataday, why cant you do it now"

i know its hard for people to understand when their is no physical signs.....i just find myself everytime someone asks me how i am now just saying 'fine' or 'ok' because if i say how im truly feeling u can see in their faces after 3 seconds they loose interest.