Hi guys, I'm 17 yrs old and suffer from OCD and contamination phobias. I haven't been officially diagnosed, although I've read and experienced enough to realise I have it. My OCD started very slowly when I was a young kid. Small obsessions started off, like constantly going to the toilet even when i didn't need to, and later on started having thoughts where I felt if I didn't do certain things, bad things would happen.
A couple of years ago, my contamination fears started to develop. At this time I was slowly starting to develop a fear of germs and in particular, public toilets. This is the embarassing part. What exactly happened was that school had just finished, and I went to use the loo just before I made my way home. I was holding my folder, and didnt have anywhere to put it, so i held it between me legs while i went. And that's when it happened, my folder brushed up against the toilet seat. I didn't think too much of it at the time.
Over time I started to develop the fear that, by bringing the folder back home, I had spread all the germs that got onto the folder from the toilet, into my house. soon enough, I couldn't stand on the carpet where I had once put this folder. From then one it just got worse and worse. Anything that came into contact with it, I could no longer touch. For example, if I put a book down on the floor where the folder had once been, then that book would now be contaminated. If the book was moved onto my desk, the desk was now contaminated. If something that was on the desk fell onto the floor, that area of the floor was now contaminated.
Now this is how my life has become. I feel as though my entire house is completely contaminated by germs. I'm living in fear that germs or diseases like AIDs or hepatitis completely cover my home and everything in it. It's now at the point where entire rooms are completely contaminated. I have to tip-toe around certain parts of the floor so i don't stand on germs and carry them to other areas of the house.
Amongst all this I have other obsessions and compulsions. I check things over and over; taps, windows, the oven, etc. If i turn off the light in a room, I'll keep checking to make sure the light is off, even though the light is obviously off and I can see that the rooms in darkness - it's just ridiculous. The worst is when I'm the last to go to bed. Obviously I'm the one to turn all the lights out, but I also feel heaped with the responsibility of checking that all the windows are shut, taps are turned off, and doors are locked. From the time I get ready to go to bed, to the time I actually get in bed, at least 20 minutes will have passed. I'll turn off all the lights in the house, then stand there in darkness counting on my fingers that every light has been turned off in each room.
Sorry to bore everybody with all this, I don't really expect you to read through it all. I've just become so frustrated, tired and exhausted that I needed to vent. From reading other people's experiences in this forum it's slightly relieving to see I'm not completely alone with this.
I just wanted to know if you thought my OCD was a very chronic case, or just a regular case? i've told a couple of people about this all, usually slightly laughing about the stupidity of it with them and making it seem less serious than it is, but inside i know how horrible and exhausting it is. My mum knows that I have OCD, but i don't think she realises the extent of it. She doesn't have a clue about my contamination phobia.
Thanks anyway, and I appreciate it if you managed to read through the whole lot of that.
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