Feelings....

[Lawton86]

Here are mine...(sorry for this, but even if no1 replys or reads it, it will hopefully make me feel a tiny bit better)

-I feel everything is so pointless at the moment.

- I feel im wasting everyone of my days away but not changing anything about it.

-I feel im trying hard by going on walks everyday but i may never be 'normal again.

-I feel pain because my right back tooth is killing me and on top of total de-realization this is not a good feeling!

- I feel like how can this happen im 22 and 5 weeks ago was sooooo out-going.

-I feel like im loosing my friends through staying inside and trying to 'get right'

- I feel like i should have a job and want a job, but the thought of actually having to work while feeling like this seems like an impossible task.

-I feel as if i could just drop dead at any second because of this de-realization , headaches , chest pains and now Really bad jaw ache.

-I feel tired because on a night time i no longer sleep properly.

-I feel sooo low because i look outside and its like looking into my soul, grey and miserable.

I feel soo confused because is it anxiety, do i have a problem, am i depressed or am i just been stupid and to get on with it.

-I feel like im not leading the life i want. My girlfriend went on holiday today for a week to cyprus with 2 of her friends ( im not worried about that as i have only been with her 2 months so that is not upsetting me ), and do i or did i have anything planned to do with my friends ....no!

-I feel like at 22 im starting to loose it.

-I feel sooo scared and cant tell my family how i feel because they think theyve heard it all before.

-I feel like i want to non-stop cry all day....but i just cant!


I know what im saying is moody and miserable....but its like i have the feeling that im a gonna.....if someone said here have a million pound... i would put it in my back pocket and then hide under the sheets again ..... :S.

hope this is just a really bad day!

i feel soo low guys.... really soo low, dizzy and like any time im just gunna pass out....... dont think my body can be botherd going into a panic attack about it tho.....

[BasilCat]

Lawton86, I was just like you at 19 years old. I felt just like you. It was my first of 4 breakdowns! I am just getting over the 4th!! I was agoraphobic and having panic attacks in the house, really bad ones. I never left the house for a year. The only place where I was "at ease" was in bed of a night. I remember lying in bed and wondering, how on earth would I ever get a job, get married, have kids, drive a car and go abroad on holiday. I thought my life was over. It was made worse by the fact that the doctors did not recognise anxiety/panic etc in those days (1976) and whilst I was living through sheer and absolute hell and terror for a complete year, they told me I was being stupid. I should have been in hospital really. Anyway I am telling you this because the panic/anxiety/agoraphobia,derealisation etc all went COMPLETELY!!! And much to my amazement it went over night!!! I was in a real messs but it went without warning, reason or explanation! I have no idea why but it felt like I had won 10 million quid!!!! It sounds like you are just having a really bad day Lawton. Things can and will improve if you just take things one day at a time. Have you seen a doctor about how you are? Are you on medication? I have not been on medication these last 3 years. I have worked through it with the help of the Psychological services and this has helped too. www.anxietynomore.co.uk Tell you what. I have got the book mentioned at the website. If you PM me and give me your e-mail address I can send it to you. It has been a great help to me.

Shirley

[BasilCat]

PS. I forgot to add that inbetween my breakdowns I have been to USA three times, seen most of Europe, got married, had a decent job, and got two kids. Also I have been driving for 25 years although that came to a stop during this last breakdown but I am back driving again now. You dont go to America etc if you are in an anxiety state do you?!! So yes, you can lead a normal life. It just takes time to recover from a breakdown thats all.

Shirley

[Pennymoo]

Hey, it sounds like you have anxiety. Which is what I have, I have the derealization, and feel like I will never ever get back to normal. I have constant jaw ache which i'm assuming is the anxiety. I'm only 19 and can't believe this is happening to me :(
I know what its like to feel completley hopeless.
I'm waiting for that book that Shirley mentioned
Anyway, just letting you know I feel the same way, but people get through it! As hard as it is to believe right now...because I don't!

Hope you feel better soon! Just try and get on with life as normal even though I know its really difficult, don't let the anxiety win!!

X x

[Lawton86]

Hey Shirley,

Thanks for the offer of the book. i believe my email address is on my profile

Also great to hear u recoverd from it. Ive just had to take a diazepam because when i wa reading my thread back i really started to get worried if im off mad.....because im having just relaly greay and dipressing thoughts that are making me feel like im gunna pass out.

i fear soo much that they may send me to a mental institute even tho i know that i actually do not have a mental disability like that, and that i still function and can rationalize and spell ( well abit .

It gets to the point last night where i was doing IQ tests just make sure i wasnt losing my mind (got 128) so hopefully not .

I just feel so 'empty' is the best way to describe it. i feel like everyones gunna leave me or one day im just gunna die and be forget about within 2 weeks time.

Oh by the way, i have been to docs lots about it....(well 4 times but only been suffering for just over 4 weeks) and she has given me citalopram and diazepam......only taking the diazepam at moment when i feel attacks come on or have bad days coz the citalepram made me feel soooo bad after just taking one so i dont take the citalepram at all anymore , so scared of the side effects....dont want to make myself worse then i am.. i also have my first therapy appointment on thursday to.

it just feels like even if i could get whatever in the world i wanted now.... it wouldnt make me feel any differnt. if that makes sense?

[Pennymoo]

haha just realized we spoke the other day ^^
sorry your not feeling any better :(
I know what you mean by having anything you wanted but not making you feel better, I keep buying stuff and then being like...why? whats the point in having this. Eugh I feel so crap! I'm going out tonight, and don't feel like it really but just have to get on with life..even though that seems abit pointless.

xx

[BasilCat]

Hi Lawton, It says at your profile that you didnt want to receive e-mails so your e-mail address isnt there when you click on the link. Perhaps you can PM me with your address, if you still want the book, that is.

I am recovered from the anxiety, not 100%, but mostly anyway. The only thing I would not do yet is get on a bus and go a long way, 10 or 20 miles for example, and I would not go on a long train journey either. I can go into town on the bus but thats only 10 minutes away.

You are not mental Lawton. I was told that by a Mental Health Nurse. So its nothing like that. Thats one less thing to worry about.

I know the "empty" feeling you mention too. I still have it though not as bad as it was.

What sort of therapy are you having? I too took the Citalopram once and stoppped taking them. Felt so ill and like you I was terrified of the side effects. Tried some more tablets but I still felt awful so I decided to not bother with the tablets.

And yes, your last comment does make sense. I know exactly how anxiety affects you and I have felt that way too, like someone could give me a million quid and I would not feel any different.

As for the derealisation, it talks about that at the weblink I gave you and also in the book I mentioned. It is NOTHING to bother about. I know how awful it is, but if you can keep telling yourself its just there to protect you and not to harm you, and that nothing bad will happen because of it, you may relax with it in time. Also, a saying that I keep in my mind helps, "What you resist, persists". So if you get mad with it and struggle and fight it, it will last longer. Try and "flow" with it. I had it in Preston this morning but as the morning went by and I took my focus off me and onto what I was looking at in the shops, it got less and less.

Better get the dinner ready.

Shirley

[BasilCat]

Hi Pennymoo, I keep buying things too, even though I am so much better these days! The other day I saw a PSP going for £50 in the local newspaper website!! It works too!! Partly I wanted it to see if I could get the internet in places where it says Free WiFi etc. Also I can download videos etc to it I believe. But I have bought loads of stuff, got it all home, then wondered why I bought it!! I cant seem to stop. You are not alone.

Shirley