New to the site..and kind of new to panic, too..

[NJAM]

I've always been a "worrier" (I'm 42). In years past I may worry a bit obsessively about certain things, particularly health, but never experienced panic attacks and never had it affect me as hugely as it has in the past two months.

My mother passed away very unexpectedly in March. My father died 3 years ago from lung cancer. While I think I coped with my father's death fairly well my mother's death has been very difficult for me.

Shortly before my mother died she was diagnosed with diabetes (she was 82). She suffered a ruptured aneuryrsm and was in ICU for 5 days before the decision to let her go was made. At the time I *thought* I was coping and handled the funeral and everything okay and then....

I'd been having some abdominal pain even before she died. It was initially diagnosed as viral, and it went away, but then returned 3 weeks after her death. It was accompanied by some other symptoms that convinced me I had pancreatic cancer. I had loads of bloodwork and an ultrasound - the only abnormality is that I appear to be either prediabetic or diabetic

I'm having a CT scan next week as even though the abdominal pain has disappeared I'm terrifed that something is horribly wrong with me. My doctor has been quite reassuring (as have the 4 ER docs I've seen in a panic, sigh) and said that the chances of pancreatic cancer are virtually nil, and the odds of anything being seriously wrong at my age are low.

So when I don't worry about that I worry about the diabetes thing and ending up blind or having a heart attack. Or I worry about the slightly enlarged lymph node on my jaw that hasn't changed in two years (hasn't enlarged or anything, so is likely nothing). Or I worry about my thyroid and the "two tiny insignificant nodes" found there a year ago by ultrasound (apparently thyroid nodes are very common but enough to make me freak out right now).

I spend much time poking and prodding myself to feel for lumps, especially the jaw node (which gets tender from being prodded so much)

You have NO IDEA how comforting it was to find this site - to find people who share these fears and anxieties! I'm using Ativan on occasion and have started seeing a counsellor, but there are days I've feared I was going insane. I've tried to make positive changes regarding the diabetes, like an exercise program and improved diet - but sometimes it's just so hard to even function....

Some intro, eh?

[duskess]

Hello and welcome to NMP , lots of help advice and understanding here , glad you found the site , sorry to hear about the sudden loss of your mother , panic attacks are very frightening is your councellor helping you with ways to make them easier for you , your health anxiety seems to be from the loss of your loved ones i think , you are still grieving their loss and of course it has gave you a shock , time really does heal , but everyone is different but i do know you will eventually feel better in yourself , thankyou for sharing you story , everyones friendly here and you will get lots of good advice , you take care Dusky x

[Southern_Belle]

Hi NJam,

Welcome to NMP. Please let me offer my condolences on the loss of your mother and father. I'm sure you are still grieving and that is not helping with you anxiety. Many here will understand how you have been feeling and will give you their support. I'm so glad you found us.

Take care,

Laura

[Patty]

Hi NJAM,

to NMP. It's great that you've joined. There is so much information & help here.

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother & father.

Best wishes