Hi all
This is not a negative post. I have made great progress this year thanks to the friends I have made here at NMP and of course the great Dr Weekes. Due to several 'negative life events' lately I could feel that my nerves were becoming sensitised again. I could also feel the old fear creeping back along with it. The physical symptoms were severe but I knew what they were this time and so the panic never really peaked as it had before. The worst problem has been the dreaded 'what ifs' in my head which made me doubt myself again. I returned to Dr Weekes and also to the old diary I kept when I was first diagnosed and looked at how far I had come, and what I have learned. I know why my nerves are sensitised again and that is because life does not put itself on hold while we recover. (what a wonderful thought that is...a pause button for six months of complete relaxation and healing but knowing that all is well for everyone else so no worries...dream on).
On Wednesday last week I arranged to meet an old friend in London and I sat on my bed crying before I went thinking I will have to ring her and cancel, but I remembered Dr Weekes saying that 'a journey made with panic is as valuable as one made without' and so I took a Diazipam(I rarely do this) and set off.
By the time the train pulled into Kings Cross I had accepted that my nerves were sensitised and therefore I would let any symptom flash through me without adding fear to it. I explained everything to my friend too when I arrived as holding on to myself just adds more tension. We had a great day after that with only a few flashes to report. I had a cream tea in Brown's Hotel in Mayfair ....very posh, had ladder in stockings so let the side down a bit. LOL. Of course I was exhausted the next day and my nerves are still sensitised but I am getting there.
Don't give in to setback friends as I find that I am bouncing back quicker this time and am sure I will beat this again.
Veronica
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