Re: do i.... dont i... that is the question
Hey Sky, try not to worry - I know that's not easy and its why we all here but its really worth taking the chance.
First thing is to try and beat your phobia with some logic:
1. Write down on a sheet of paper how you feel ALREADY everyday. (ie. anxiety, depression, fear, stress, physical symptoms.
2. Think about if you could really - in a practical sense - feel much worse!
In my case I decided I could not - and that's what got me to the doctors in the first place! I was past embarrisment and fear of needing pills/help forever. And the side effects were not too bad for me as I felt so sh... bad already.
3. Hopefully this reality will help you fight the phobia.
There are plently of anecdotes that Escitalopram can be a friendlier medication than some of other SSRIs. It seems very rare to have a dangerous reaction - although clearly some sideeffects can be unpleasant.
I assume you are starting on 10mg Daily (or possibly 5mg). As I say if you feel bad enough already the side effects can be minor. If your condition has few physical effects then you probably will feel some as the medication is after all changing your brain chemistry. And like the rest of us you need it to. I realise its extra tough as you have a strong medication phobia but its very unlikely that the medication will actually do you harm, like panic attacks the horror is in the journey/experience the actual real danger is pretty small.
Most likely side effects are: nausea, headache, lethargy. Its also fairly common to feel times of worse anxiety which I theorise are caused by the brain chemistry changing up and down until the medication reaches a more stable level in our bodies. It may even be that we feel better for a bit but only notice when the original problem returns, making it feel a bit worse.
If you are brave enough to move forwards then you only really have self help, counselling/psychotherapy, or medication to try and meds are much easier to get hold of! When you start taking these (and most) medication you need to take it EVERY day. Its pretty guaranteed (by the maths!) that you will feel worse if you skip days.
Ask your GP about getting some CBT - this can help to give you the tools for fighting the phobia and perhaps your other problems too. Some PCTs will get you some free. Groups like AnxietyUK, Anxiety Care, NoPanic run CBT and other help either in person or online or by phone, so consider that too.
Your best plan is to calm yourself as much as possible before and after having the medication. To fight both your phobia and panic. Look up ideas like "square breathing" and "progressive relaxation". If you can't find anything say and I'll try to find some links.
The other things I found helped with Escitalopram were taking it AFTER breakfast and having a supper so my blood sugar did not drop too much overnight. Mine was bit wobbly anyway (despite a blood test) and the Esc seemed to make this worse or me more sensitive to it.
I've posted about Esc' before so maybe search for some of my other posts. If you have any specific questions then post again or PM if you need privacy. Gotta Dash - if you need more help - Ask.!
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Kevin, Southend-on-Sea, Essex, UK
Probably GAD & Phobias. Anxiety and renewed Depression medicated (Venlafaxine). Trying to improve.