Am I depressed or just low?

[adamaudio]

Hello I thought I would post here as i have read alot here and just lurked until now in the background.

I am self employed and work at home, which can be very lonely. My wife works long hours, and even though we argue, we get along great and love spending time with each other..

We have just come back from a lovely hot holiday which i cant stop thinking about as we were both chilled and relaxed in the sun.

I have come back to the UK a little down (although on the Holiday I was looking forward to getting back) but now I am here I wish i was back there!

I never really know in myself where i should be?! Anyone else have this??

I have applied for work in my field in computers, and have had a rough time of it lately. My motivation has evaporated and find it hard to get it back, especially as i have to find work myself and "sell" myself which is double-hard!

I had a phenomenal opportunity at a place which invited me down for a sort of chat/interview/meeting back in December and were impressed with my CV.. with the option of going down and working with some of the people who were all on my wavelength earlier this year...

Since then I have rung and emailed, and always get told that the guy i spoke to is busy, and my emails get read, but never a reply...

All i ask is to be told either way, and wonder now what i did which was so wrong?

I know you shouldnt give up, and always think positive, and keep going, but I am now at my wits end as this job was perfect for me and its all i thought about for the past 6 months and can't shake it..

Also another small job I was doing has now been undercut by someone else, and the company never told me only that i should "lower my price" after the event!!

And between this, I have had other opportunities which have turned out to be "timewasters" that are completley hopeless!!

I am a very outgoing, and I like to think a nice guy, with a good sense of humour and see the funny side of life, but this is starting to knock me badly...

And today I got upset on my own for the first time, and decided to post here...

Is there something that I am doing wrong that gets me noticed and then, just dropped without any warning or explanation?

I really do not know which way to turn at the moment as I can't see any way out of my predicament...

I have read that the Subconscious is a key to thinking more positive and having a positive outlook on life, and am willing to try any audiobooks/mp3's or books to read..??

Any help would be grateful

[bottleblond]

Hi Adam

I don't know what the answer is hun but to me, you sound like a very intellegent, together person.

I think the fault lies with the company that you had the interview with to be honest. It is very rude and unprofessional of them to leave you hanging like this. Anyone in your position would be feeling rather pee'd off by their lack of
communication.

I really hope they contact you soon and very best of luck.
I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Lisa
x

[PoppyC]

Hi
I work from home and I know for a fact not seeing other people during the day is not good at all for me, even though I like my own company. I am sure it would make anyone anxious and depressed let alone people who already suffer with anxiety and depression. It gives us too much time to dwell on ourselves and our problems and it can be very isolating and therefore depressing.
My partner works very long hours and is away a lot at weekends - but thats a good thing sometimes too lol
I hate coming back off holiday and always get depressed when I come back but so do a lot of people - post holiday blues. I also think that if we are not happy with the way things are in our everyday life, then going away on holiday and feeling great, and then coming back home again to reality and our problems can make us feel really down. I never want to come home and as soon as I am home I get really down for a few days imagining how great life would be in the place I came back from.
Maybe you are feeling so down due to the knock backs you are experiencing and that's perfectly natural. Try and keep some hope that things will not always be like this. At the moment employers can pick and choose who they want to take on with the recession as there are so many people applying for the same positions. I know its easier said than done but don't take rejection too personally - you may think you are perfect for the job - but maybe the employer has other ideas. Could you ask for some feedback? I wouldn't give up - I would keep being persistent with the firm you mentioned and tell them out of courtesy could they please give you a decision.
Apart from work do you have any interests? do you socialise? Try and take some time out of being in the home and switch off for a certain amount of time about jobs, despite how important it is, and find ways to relax. Try and not be so hard on yourself too. Keep hope ...you sound like an intelligent person and I am sure you wont always be in this situation.

[adamaudio]

Thanks for your comments, AntiLove_SuperStar, PoppyC and Bottleblond.

Yes I have never suffered from depression ever and it doesnt run in the family or anything but just needed to get this out...

I do socialise and LOVE just driving away from home at weekends and walking with my wife..

I have had soo many knockbacks its starting to hurt, although trying to remain positive is getting harder...

I know post-holiday blues is normal and i think that ontop of everyhting else promted me to post this.. Also the news i have just had of someone taking my job, and a friend who i work with (to relieve the monotony of working on my own) has just taken a job, so that added pressure "leaving me behind" so to speak..

The job was perfect for me and a great bunch of people who i could interact with - so your right it may have been more about that side of things. I feel very let down that they haven't even contacted me. And have kept on emailing and calling once a month on average just to be told either way - but still nothing!

I just now dont feel i am cut out to work on my own and find work ( i know its tough at the moment) but even doing something that i love, (i did do some part time courier work long distance) whiched seemed enjoyable as it was a break! ( i must be mad to prefer this!)

I have started now in the day to just jump in my car and drive aorund the country for 10-15mins just to get out to stay sane....

Any comments welcome..