I really hate this anorexia and I hate myself for what I am doing to people. I'm driving all my friends away and I won't have anyone left who wants to know me soon. I know it is all my fault and I don't deserve any help or support.
The anorexia makes me do such stupid things sometimes and although I want to get better, I just can't seem to give it up. I can't let go of needing to restrict food and lose weight to feel better about myself and because the anorexic thoughts tell me I will find love and happiness this way.
Now everyone is getting fed up with my stupid and self-destructive behaviour. I know I am such a terrible person because I can see what it is doing to those who care about me and yet I still don't seem to be able to stop. Now I have made a good friend cross with me and am scared I have driven this person away, and it's all my own fault but I can't handle this anymore.
What if K goes next? Everyone thinks I am choosing the anorexia over them but I'm not. I wish I could make it stop. I want it to go away but I can't make it.
I feel like I'm stuck at the bottom of a huge dark pit full of despair and pain and right now I can't see any way out.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.