i was doing so well ='(

[bananas13]

...i even got a job and ive been enjoying my life a bit. but... the weird thoughts are always there! i keep hoping that i'll just forget about them, but i wake up every morning and there they are again. as always.

im trying to cope as best i can, but im tired of coping! i just want to live in peace again.

the weird thoughts are like: whoa im living inside a body, im viewing the world with my eyes, why is this weird to me??? i know that normal people dont think about this s**t and theyre just fine... i wish i could just forget, but its always there and its scary!

and i feel like nobody can relate to my weird thoughts and that freaks me out even more! i dont feel normal.

i stopped seeing my psych cuz ive been working full time and its hard to schedule appointments. my parents and friends think im absolutely fine and totally cured... little do they know i have to fake it everyday so they dont worry. its hard. i dont want to disappoint anyone by telling them i still need some help... they have such high hopes for me.

im angry and upset. im scared and lonely. i need someone to relate to! i just want this anxiety to go away.


This post has been automatically edited by the NMP post filter

[pollyanna]

Hi

I can totally relate to your post, ihave weird thoughts too, my go along the lines of, OMG, im driving a car, wow, thats my husband, omg thats my child, and the biggie that plagues me is the one, omg i am going to die, its really going to happen, and its like bam right in your face, like you have just been let into the biggest secret in the world, and its scary...
Recently one of my sisters has been having anxiety attacks and these are Similar to things that she has thought too.

Although i cant stop my mind thinking about them, i am getting better at pushing them away , with the attitude of , i am not giving you any time right now, and try and divert my attention on to something else, something to keep my mind busy.
I know it gets very very tiring just trying to cope,, but sometimes it kinda helps not fighting agaisnt them so much, kinda accepting that they are going to come but that they are only thoughts and i dont have to think about them right now, does that make sense? I have found as time passes and i have more poitives things in my life i still think of them but it lessens and the impact that they have is not so severe.

I am sure that your friends and family want the best for you ,we are all very good at putting on a 'Face' for everyone, but sometimes it doesnt help us, i know that you feel they they think you are 'cured' and you dont want to dissapoint them, but the pressure for you to keep this up wont be helping you, maybe you could think about confiding in just one or two people, and take the pressure of yourself.

On a positive note, you started your post very positively saying that you have a job and kinda starting to enjoy life a little again, that is great that you can recognise this, and is a great starting block from moving off from, giving these horrible thoughts less importance will hopefully make them less of an issue, i know its easier said that done, and its somethng you have to work through quite hard at first, but its worth it to get a bit of relief.

I hope sharing my experience can help you in some way, or at least reassure you that others have similar thoughts, i wouldnt be surprised if you get a few more replies saying the same thing.This is a great site for talking to like minded people , getting some reassurance, knowing that people care , and making new friends.
Keep us posted on how you are getting on...

Best wishes


P x

[agnes]

...i even got a job and ive been enjoying my life a bit. but... the weird thoughts are always there! i keep hoping that i'll just forget about them, but i wake up every morning and there they are again. as always.

im trying to cope as best i can, but im tired of coping! i just want to live in peace again.

the weird thoughts are like: whoa im living inside a body, im viewing the world with my eyes, why is this weird to me??? i know that normal people dont think about this s**t and theyre just fine... i wish i could just forget, but its always there and its scary!

and i feel like nobody can relate to my weird thoughts and that freaks me out even more! i dont feel normal.

i stopped seeing my psych cuz ive been working full time and its hard to schedule appointments. my parents and friends think im absolutely fine and totally cured... little do they know i have to fake it everyday so they dont worry. its hard. i dont want to disappoint anyone by telling them i still need some help... they have such high hopes for me.

im angry and upset. im scared and lonely. i need someone to relate to! i just want this anxiety to go away.


This post has been automatically edited by the NMP post filter

Dear km

We can all have weird thoughts, truly we can, and, maybe, if we had the opportunity to see into someone else's mind, we would see that our strange thoughts are not so unusual. And they are just thoughts, however powerful they may seem.

You're doing really well with your work, even though you feel like you're faking how you feel. I do that every day too! I was even told the other day what a calm person I am...now, that is acting!!

Have you tried reading any of the Claire Weekes books? I find them very helpful

My best wishes to you


theia

[Thumbelina]

Kaylee,

I also have a job and was very stable for months until yestrday when I discovered my kids were sick, one with the flu and anohter one with probable anemia.
I have been having GAD for 4 years, and partially it was caused by my kids serious illnesses 4 years ago. Therefore this is the Veru Biggy one for me now. When I had to go for the blood tests and etc ytesterday - i started feeling completely loopy. I am not myself at all since yesterda - frozen, crying in the car, cant concentrate, i dont basically know who i am even, memory all mesed up.

I am so upset that it can happen like that. But all I am trying hard to exolain to myself that anxiety comes to us in all different outfits, every time it can be dressed up in different clothes. Like now, it feels to me completely different - not the same as before, i keep thinking, something is teribly wrong, its not like before. This time my anxiety dressed up in the set of clothes that still doesnt allow me recognise what is under.
I am trying to convince myself in it. Because deep inside i believe in it.

So maybe we have to get used to the fact that that anxiety will always try to put all the different make up on, dress up like death and etc, and convince us that we are loopy, naving thoughts of all different kinds, but it would be just same old anxiety.... turning into attacks at time and later into depression. But we have done it before - so nothing NEW!!!
Cheer up

[melody]

You are still doing well!!! Be proud of everything you have overcome to get to this point. Beating up on yourself achieves nothing & tries to take away from everything you have achieved to date. Remember to notice all that you have made out of your life, feelings come & go every day, overwhelming or otherwise!

[bananas13]

thank you for all the replies. i feel a little better knowing that you all know what im going through. my biggest fear is that nobody else knows how i feel and that nobody can understand the weird, scary thoughts that go through my head.

im getting anxious again because i live with my family (im 19) and they're all leaving for michigan tomorrow for a week and i have to stay here and work. this will be the first time that i'll be away from them since i had my breakdown last november (when i checked myself into the psych ward). so im really scared of being alone in a big empty house for a week. my boyfriend will be with me, but still... its making me anxious.