Can anyone relate to this?

[Ryanthegunner]

Hi all.

My names Ryan, im 17 years old from England.

The last few days i believe ive been getting bad anxiety problems. I have a rather scary problem about imaging people sexually, when i look at children im scared ill become a peadofile, i watch programs about crime and scared ill become a murderer. I dont understand why. I come from a good family, ive been bought up well, never done a really bad thing in my life. Im just scared and wondered if anyone has had the same syptoms. I also just get scared when i think of some of these things which causes the panic attacks.

The problem has only been going on two days now and i cant live my life, ive had to book time off work because i cant face people. But i cant leave my mum without feeling scared. Ive felt sick now for 2 days also which is making me feel so bad.

I went to the doctors yesterday thinking i had depression, and didnt explain everything to him because i thought he would report me to the police for being a "freak". He gave me some tablet which are supposed to trap the nerves to to the heart of something so i dont panic. Im only supposed to take them when i really need them. But im struggling without them already.

Is this a normal Anxiety problem? Or am i something else and need mental help? How can i get over this so i can get back to work and be normal. Its depressing me and making me think my lifes not worthwhile. Like i said, i know the things im thinking are wrong, but im scared i might end up doing one of there, even though i know its wrong and im not like that.

Its making me feel so sick i cant eat. Its only been a day and a half now. But are there any ideas to help me? And im not alone right??

Please dont think im a weirdo and try to help me.

[Marginalia]

Just replying because I hate to see someone with a worry and no responses.

I can relate to this in that sometimes I have involuntary unpleasant thoughts flash into my mind too (but in my case it's things like violent images of being smashed up by a car when I start crossing a road).

I think you'll find intrusive thoughts like this are discussed more in the OCD forum, and I've definitely seen people on this website talking about this kind of thing, and I think there's a specific OCD website linked to somewhere on here, which might be another place to look.

So - you're not going mad, you're not alone, this is an anxiety thing. You're the one to decide if you need any help with it - if it doesn't subside and is getting you down in the long run, then do speak to somebody (you can always speak to a confidential service like the Samaritans if you don't feel ready to mention it to a doctor or counsellor - but it might be more helpful to talk to someone who knows about the phenomenon more - you could ring MIND, for example).

However it might be that once you can accept it's an anxiety thing you'll stop the 'don't think about a pink elephant' cycle of panic and guilt at your own thoughts.

I hope this helps,
one's own mind can be scary sometimes,
Min.

[Kerrigan]

Ryan, you can totally trust this comment: Nobody here will judge you, nobody thinks you are a paedophile because a paedophile wouldn't have a conscience about it.

Everyone worries to some extent about really, really nasty things sometimes. I don't want to admit the thoughts I've entertained but I know the genuine truth is that I know it's not me and you have to tell yourself that if you have thoughts that trouble you and make you shiver then that means YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO THEM, hell you don't even want to THINK them.

You're thinking disturbing things that torment you and then you wonder if you are a criminal but if you were you wouldn't think you'd just act out crimes, you'd enjoy it, you'd invite those ideas so the fact is you have to learn to take control of your own mind, trust yourself. WE all know just by the way you write that it's not in you to be evil so give yourself a break.

Take care

[WillyB]

I have felt very similar the past few days since a poor night out. The night after it i couldnt sleep with fear and panic about who i am, i was very nearly sick which really got me panicky. I was thinking, and still am that i am someone i never wanted to be and still dont, but like the other poster said, if something makes me cringe when i think of it, I DONT WANT IT. I know im not this person, but its the constant thinking 'what if what if??' that really gets me scared.

Im sure and hope it will go away soon.